Home Blogs Bathroom Break, Boss? Week of 28 April 2002
Week of 28 April 2002
I get to be an extra tomorrow. for the Sopranos.
:D
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The Drawer
I long time ago my company used to have plastic spoons and forks and paper plate for us to use. But I guess they cut back or someone's not doing their job or whatever, but needless to say, we no longer have these things. Thus, the Drawer was born. The Drawer was established on the premise that sometimes, you just need shit. Shit is sometimes just not available and the company just doesn’t provide the shit most of the time (such as spoons forks, etc). The Drawer contains the following items:
Some plastic utensils – forks, spoons and knives.
Sometimes, that plastic shit just doesn’t cut it… thus you need a complete set of metal utensils – including a small spoon for stirring. The stirring spoon is especially handy because that weenie plastic stirrer just doesn’t cut it and the plastic spoon just melts.
Other utensils – chopsticks, toothpicks, after-dinner mints, straws…
Dozens of packets of your favorite condiments.
Napkins… lots of it.
Random candy items, my favorite being Sour Skittles and Sour Jelly Bellies. Always sour.
Discount coupons to the nearby eateries. Sometimes, you get hungry and find that you only have a couple buckaroos in your wallet…
Feminine items… no need for explanation there, right?
A deck of cards.
The most important thing: a pack of cigarettes and some matches – for when you go crazy.
Most importantly – the Drawer must be kept secret. You wouldn’t want the Corpulent Lazy Ass coworker to mooch of your goods would you?
One day I found my beloved stirring spoon sitting soiled in the sink. This is peculiar because: a) I didn’t give anyone permission to access the Drawer to use my shit and b) I know I haven’t used my stirring spoon lately since I have been going to Coffee Bean for my coffee needs - so the services of the stirring spoon was not used at the time. I just hoped that I must have lost my mind, washed my spoon and placed it back in its rightful place in the Drawer. The following week, I ordered some salad and forgot to get a fork to eat it with. No need to fret – the Drawer to the rescue! I look in the Drawer and both my metal fork and knife are gone. I checked to make sure no one was around and emptied the Drawer completely – no sign of the fork and knife. I am upset because I took these out of my personal Ikea utensils set. I also know that I have not used them since I brought them in. Another week passes by and finally the fork and knife reappear, soiled in the sink. Clearly, knowledge of the Drawer seeped through the masses. I have my list of suspects but one stands out the most: the company Funny guy. The company Funny guy (there’s always a company Funny guy) was in a slump because he needed a pair of chopsticks. He went around asking everyone and when he came to me, I said, no I couldn’t help him. As soon as he turned the corner, I went for the Drawer to get chopsticks and ran after him: “Hey, I just came upon this.” Repeat this incident several times over… Funny guy must have started suspecting why I was always equipped at times of need. He might have snooped around my desk and discovered the treasury that is the Drawer.
I moved the Drawer ever since. I moved everything into a much deeper drawer and added some random sketch sheets on top for camouflage effect. I will be more careful about keeping it secret this time. I hope no one finds the stash of yummy Hot Vanilla I keep behind the filing cabinet.
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Who do I have to blow to get some new furniture?!
I work with an overwhelmingly crap-tastic desk and chair. IKEA makes some very fine home furnishings for very little money, but they fall a little short in the office design area. IKEA relies on the idea that you have asthetic taste or design sense, and that you know about ergonomics. This is not always true, especially among middle-managers. Therefore, I have a desk that was obviously designed for a very short torso and a chair that was designed for a very sick masochist.
My chair is a torture chamber - the "lumbar support" is a hunk of stiff filling-matter that sticks into the tender back muscles all day, producing a lovely cramp by the time I crutch home. The seat is adjustable, but not in any way that would be even remotely comfortable - if you adjust it so that you don't cut off the circulation in your legs, it pitches back too far, so you actually have to sit forward in the chair in order to see your screen. The side arms are a joke - they either adjust to be too low or too high.
On top of this, the desk doesn't even have a keyboard rack, so I have two choices: lower my chair so that I can see the screen properly (yes, it is already stacked on risers) and endure the pain in my wrists because I have to raise my hands up too far to type, or I can raise my chair up to type correctly but I have to lean down to look at the screen and when the pain in my back (from the chair) gets to be too much, I have to lean over so far to the side to rest on my elbow that I get a permanent stitch there.
I am so tired of this horseshit. When I offered to bring in my own chair, the answer was "we want to maintain a consistent look for the furniture." Um, hello? Do you even give a shit about me, your employee?! How about all the sick days I'll be taking because I'm uncomfortable and the back and side cramps are interfering with my breathing and (thus) my immune system, or the increase in the health insurance premium after I have my carpal tunnel surgery?
Technically, I have rights under OSHA, but I'm going to grin and bear it until we get a spot of financing. Then I will bring it up again and insist. I'm just amazed that I have to do this at all. I am used to being ignored when I talk about being light sensitive and needing to be in a place that has less light in order to be more productive (people simply don't believe this is true), but to be ignored on what is a comfortable desk-chair set-up is just bad management and a lack of respect for me. It sends the wrong message.
