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Speedy™
is the nom de blog of a 30 year-old web designer living in
Los Angeles, home of glitz, glamour, and homeless men defecating on
sidewalks. When not waxing nostalgic for the 80's or mooning over
some long-lost, lost, or soon-to-be-lost love, Speedy enjoys sunsets,
long walks on the beach, playing love songs on his guitar, and spending
long, lonely nights alone in his apartment, drinking heavily by himself
and masturbating bitterly to his wide selection of pornographic DVDs. Things Speedy™ Likes: Movies about depressed neurotic freaks, weird alternative comics that come out about once a year, spending five hours in a Barnes & Noble reading their books without buying anything, sushi, talking to his socks, drinking heavily by himself and masturbating bitterly to his wide selection of pornographic DVDs, and referring to himself in the third person. Things Speedy™ Doesn't Like: Assholes, dickwads, dickheads, shitheads, imbeciles, idiots, morons, jerks, scumbags, douchebags, dillweeds, and Céline Dion. Top Five Speedy™ Mental Illnesses: 1. Depression; 2. Neurosis; 3. Acrophobia; 4. Kleptomania; 5. Paranoia. Frequently Asked Questions about Speedy™: • Where did you get that lame-ass nickname? I don't remember, actually, but I've had it for almost ten years now so it's kind of stuck. • What's your real name? Mortimer VanDyke. Just kidding. I don't know. Make one up. I like Biblical names, like Jason, Caleb, or Tab. • Is it true that "Speedyworld" is in reality a superblog created by a cabal of disgruntled ex-webloggers? This site would probably be much cooler if it were. • Has anyone actually asked you any of these so-called "Frequently Asked Questions"? No, but I'm sure they would if they even knew this site existed. Damn, I wish you hadn't asked that question. Now I look like a total jackass, and there's probably some chicks reading this. |
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