Dear God Damn Diary 2004

100 Things You Might Not Know About Me

1. The first book I remember reading was The Wizard of Oz.
2. In my lifetime, I have received eight Cross pen and pencil sets as gifts.
3. I hate pen and pencil sets.
4. I can't write in longhand with anything but a Sharpie Ultra Fine Point.
5. I once gave a drowned hamster CPR.
6. The first three movies I remember seeing as a kid: The Exorcist, Suspiria, and Rosemary's Baby.
7. I still check my closets and underneath my bed for monsters.
8. The only president I've ever seen in the flesh is Gerald Ford, when I was eight.
9. The thought that ran through my head when I saw him was, "If I had a gun, I could probably shoot him from here!"
10. When I was ten, I tried to shoot my neighbor's cat with a BB gun, but I missed.
11. I can type 87 words per minute without mistakes.
12. However, I compose so slowly that it sometimes takes me an hour to write a two-paragraph e-mail.
13. In sixth grade, I created a science fair project that was so bad, even though there were only three entries from my class they decided not to give out a third place prize rather than give one to me.
14. In third grade, I did something so awful that the headmaster of my Episcopal school devoted his morning sermon to it. He became so upset that he broke down in the middle of the sermon and stormed out of the chapel.
15. When they told my mother about it, she threatened to take me down to the Red River and drown both of us rather than live with the shame.
16. No, I'm not going to tell you what I did.
17. I smoked pot in college, but stopped after watching Pink Floyd's The Wall while stoned and realizing that it made boring movies seem like they were eight hours long.
18. I am an expert at hiding, and have never been found in a game of Hide and Seek unless I wanted to be.
19. I've moved somewhere around 27 times in my life, but in only six cities.
20. I didn't meet my parents until I was three years old.
21. Until I was about nine, I thought my parents were trying to poison me. I thought they had poisoned my toothpaste, so I wouldn't swallow any when I brushed my teeth.
22. When I was four, they gave us a lecture at school on household poisons. That evening, I instructed my parents to put the Drano and bleach on a high shelf, so I wouldn't eat it.
23. In second grade, my teacher had a conference with my parents because she asked the class what we wanted to be when we grew up, and I said I wanted to work at McDonald's.
24. The first girl I ever had a crush on was Lisa, in kindergarten. My kindergarten teacher used to spank misbehaving kids, except instead of doing it herself, she would assign another student to do the deed. So, one time, after my friend David and I dug a tunnel under the playground fence, the teacher had Lisa spank the two of us. David cried, but I was like, "Wow!"
25. The family legend is that we're descended from Genghis Khan. I have my doubts about that, but it would explain my periodic impulse to invade China.
26. I have an irrational fear of bread.
27. I also have a fear of staircases where you can see through the stairs to the ground below.
28. I hate walking in the ocean because I'm afraid of stepping on a sea urchin or stonefish.
29. When I was little I used to play with black widow spiders, because I didn't know they were venomous. I would stick my finger in its web, and when it rushed out to attack me I'd pull my hand away at the last second.
30. I had a thick southern accent until I was about eight.
31. If you ever want to see my head explode, ask me to choose between sushi and Cajun food.
32. I failed Physics in 11th grade.
33. I failed Physics in 12th grade. I actually got a lower grade than the year before.
34. I took Physics again my freshman year of college, and got an A.
35. Then I failed Chemistry.
36. Anime makes me sleepy; even when it's something really good, I can't watch more than an hour of it without falling asleep.
37. I could live in hotels for the rest of my life and be extremely happy.
38. I think it's uncool to stay in a hotel and not tip the chambermaid before you leave.
39. Back in the late 80's, my mom once convinced me to perm my hair. One photo exists from that period, and I keep it around to remind me never to listen to my mother.
40. I was a kleptomaniac when I was a kid.
41. I once fell for a girl because we came out of a supermarket together and discovered we had each, unbeknownst to the other, stolen something.
41. I don't steal anymore, though, except maybe for office supplies.
42. Total value of items I've stolen in my lifetime: about $180, not including office supplies.
43. The biggest thing I ever stole was a cardboard cutout of Anthony Perkins in "Psycho III," from a movie theater in Orange County.
44. The weirdest thing I ever stole was an artificial leg.
45. The only thing that keeps me from pursuing a life if crime is a fear of anal rape if I ever get put in the slammer.
46. Having said that, I think anyone who steals from a small mom 'n pop store should be anally raped.
47. However, I condone any and all (nonviolent) crimes against large corporations.
48. The more I like people, the quieter I am around them. If I don't like you, I'll be super friendly and smile a lot. If I really, really like you, I'll avoid talking to you entirely.
49. I'm a good listener, and can listen to people bitch and moan for hours on end.
50. However, I'm always forgetting people's birthdays.
51. I don't really like celebrating my own birthday, because it seems self-indulgent.
52. The only time I've ever been moved to tears by a work of art is when I stepped into St. Peter's Cathedral in Rome.
53. I tend to keep people at arm's length.
54. When getting ready for work in the morning, if I do any part of it in the wrong order, I feel out of sorts for the rest of the day.
55. I used to believe people could read my thoughts, because I would think something about them and they would turn around and glance at me.
56. I talk to children, the mentally disabled, and dogs the same way that I talk to normal adults.
57. Unfortunately, I also expect them to behave like normal adults, so I get frustrated when they don't understand something I'm saying.
58. I always tell people I'm a terrible liar, but that's just to cover up the fact that I'm actually a masterful liar.
59. I'm just kidding about #58.
60. The more credentials people have, the less seriously I take them.
61. I'm a sucker for anything peach-flavored, peach colored, looks like a peach, or has peaches in it. I got into Cézanne only after seeing a painting of his that contained peaches.
62. However, I dislike peach pie.
63. I have the worst gaydar in the world. People I had no idea were gay until someone told me: Elton John, Liberace, Freddie Mercury, Charles Nelson Reilly, Boy George, the lead singer of Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
64. My lack of gaydar once placed me in an awkward situation in a pickup truck outside a house party, with a guy named Griswold.
65. I think it would be really cool to be encased in a gel, and have all your life functions sustained through tubes and wires.
66. I can never fantasize about being stranded on a deserted island, because I always wonder what I would do for toilet paper.
67. I think Armageddon was actually a kickass movie.
68. I've seen The Sound of Music over thirty times.
69. I often fear going to sleep, because it feels the way I imagine dying feels.
70. Sometimes I get mad at people for something they said or did to me in a dream.
71. Ever since Sandra joked about alligators living in the sewers, I can't pour boiling water down the sink without diluting it with cold water first.
72. I'm totally clueless about romantic signals, so a girl pretty much has to show up in my bed naked in order to convey that she likes me.
73. When I was seven, I realized there was no Santa Claus when I was snooping through my parents' stuff and found assembly instructions for the bike I'd gotten from "Santa."
74. I didn't know I was nearsighted until I was seven years old. Until then, I assumed everyone else had some sort of super-vision.
75. I once convinced a college professor to let me take his class from home because I wasn't psychologically fit to attend class in person.
76. I went to my admissions interview for Georgetown wearing an English cabbie cap and a scarf because I thought it would make me look more urbane. I didn't get in.
77. In my entrance interview for University of Chicago, I tried to convince the admissions officer to disregard my 1.7 GPA because I "really really" wanted to go to the University of Chicago. I didn't get in.
78. I once made Sandra cry by doing a George Takei impersonation.
79. I passed up an opportunity to buy a first edition of Stephen King's "The Gunslinger" for $80. Two years later, I saw it listed for $3000.
80. Once when I was depressed, I didn't leave my apartment for two weeks.
81. I have a fear of calling people, because I always imagine that I am interrupting them right in the middle of doing something really fun.
82. I drive my fellow comic geeks crazy because I treat my comics like shit and never bother to bag and board them.
83. When I was little, I spent most of my afternoons and weekends at my parents' store in downtown Shreveport. They let me roam around the streets unattended, so for many years I spent my Saturdays hanging out with winos at the corner liquor store.
84. No matter how much I hate somebody, if I see them eating I feel immediate sympathy toward them.
85. I am an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church, and can legally perform marriage ceremonies in many states.
86. I once sat on the edge of a 1,000-foot high cliff at the Grand Canyon, in order to conquer my fear of heights.
87. Groups of more than three people make me nervous.
88. I find cruelty to be the basest human trait, followed by disloyalty and ignorance.
89. Sometimes it makes me really sad to know that I'll never feel or experience things the same way as I did when I was a teenager.
90. If I could choose between eternal life and a normal life of perfect happiness, I would choose eternal life.
91. I fear intimacy.
92. The mere act of kneeling at a toilet causes me to vomit.
93. The scariest thing I can think of is closing your window blinds at night, and just before you close them completely you catch a glimpse of someone standing outside, looking in.
94. The second scariest thing I can think of is a closet door that is just slightly ajar.
95. And red, glowing eyes staring out at you from inside.
96. I find it difficult to relate to emotions that don't exist in movies or TV shows.
97. When I was 16 I had a huge crush on Anne Frank.
98. Sometimes I have lucid dreams, where I realize that I'm dreaming but don't wake up. They're great because you can do anything you want in them. Usually in these dreams I create huge sums of money for myself, and then get upset because I can't take the cash out into the real world.
99. Cream style corn. Cold. Sheer heaven.
100. When I die, I'd like a "sky burial," a Tibetan Buddist ceremony where the deceased's body is hacked up and fed to vultures. Failing that, I'd like the headstone of my grave to be a big mirror. I think that would be freaky.

Home / Blogs / Dear God Damn Diary :: 2004

The Year of the Monkey
01/01/2004 12:25:20 PM

One bottle of champagne and half a bottle of plum sake later....

Say what you will, but after last night, no one can tell me that hangovers aren't worsened by the sugar content of your drinks. I don't feel like crap -- I feel like what crap feels like when it wakes up and feels like crap. Plum sake is a capricious lover, my friends. So sweet in the night, but a raging drama queen in the morning. I've downed a half bottle of vodka with fewer aftereffects. I'm not sure which lesson to take from this experience: stop drinking, or stick with straight vodka from now on?

I had decided not to make any New Year's Resolutions this year, but in the wee hours I experienced a Moment of Clarity™. Normally, I just let those pass, because I get those Moments of Clarity™ all the time. They're like aliens transmitting into my brain from a distant world where people go to bed at 11 p.m. But this one was different, and it wasn't just because it was accompanied by nausea and indigestion. Actually, that is in fact the reason. Normally at times like this I just get up and surf naked celebrity websites until the feeling passes, but this time I couldn't move, so I was sort of stuck there in a pool of my own Clarity™. Which isn't so bad, actually -- it's better than waking up to find that your dog vomited on your pillow, for instance -- and you know, there is no growth in life without pain. And nausea. And frequently, there is vomiting.

So here are my Clarity™-fueled resolutions for 2004:

1. Cut down on the fucking hootch, already. Alcohol is a wonderful lubricant for all sorts of otherwise repressed behavior, but the thing about cooking with grease is that what's tasty as hell with your first bite becomes heavy and nauseating after, say, the third helping. I'm not taking the pledge or anything, but I swear, this is my first and last hangover of 2004. You read it here. Please kick my ass hard if I fail in this vow.

2. No more not doing stuff because I'm tired. One other bad habit that got worse in 2003 was putting off writing plans because I was hungover or sleep-deprived or just "out of it." I let this go for a long time, until I realized that every time I let myself off the hook on a writing assignment because I was "out of it," half an hour later I'd be hip-deep in some forum posting, passionately defending the genius of Herschell Gordon Lewis or something. I think it's time to retire this particular bullshit excuse.

I had others, but these are the only two I have any realistic chance of keeping.

I'm a lot more optimistic about 2004 after discovering that it's the year of the monkey. That's my year. I'm a damn dirty ape. But the Chinese New Year doesn't start until the 22nd, right? So I've got 22 days to get my shit together and start kicking some ass. Be warned.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Enigma
EMAIL: enigmasconundrum@hotmail.com
IP: 68.81.172.42
URL: http://www.the-enigma.net/blog
DATE: 01/01/2004 01:05:38 PM
hey, as long as it's not my ass you're kicking, go for it.

i don't do resolutions. why let myself down?

i need to try some of that plum sake. i hope you have that on hand for next nadruwrini so that some of us you were laughing at can laugh at you.

i don't know how long it's been up there, but i like the 'B'.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Ed
EMAIL: ed@edrants.com
IP: 64.81.55.66
URL: http://www.edrants.com
DATE: 01/01/2004 01:21:10 PM
Sake? Man, that shit is the worst. So benign and tasteful, only to result, after a few quaffs, in sentences that make no sense.

Even so, only you can beat the demons, and push the plans forward. So what of it?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL:
IP: 67.250.176.31
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/sandra

DATE: 01/01/2004 02:01:37 PM

Wow. You need moments of clarity more often.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 68.43.27.35
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 01/03/2004 05:58:37 PM
all right, us monkeys should stick together! but i can't show you the traditional monkey "handshake," as it's not really an appropriate display for the general public...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/04/2004 10:03:56 PM
sake definitely is the worst. i think it brings on hangovers when you are not yet drunk.

good luck on the writing!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: faithy
EMAIL: me@bitterchick.net
IP: 64.163.198.166
URL:
DATE: 01/13/2004 08:21:29 PM
hey.. i felt the same way too when i found out this is the year of the moonkay. go us banana flinging apes

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Hard Pressed
EMAIL:
IP: 146.122.40.161
URL:
DATE: 01/15/2004 11:37:40 AM
Assuming you're over the hangover and back to drinking, try this:

1/4 Umeshu (plum wine)
3/4 Extra dry sake

Serve on the rocks, garnished with a lightly crushed umeboshi (pickled unripe plum). Very civilized, not too sweet. Packs a wallop.

Found your blog via Electrolite. Anyone who defends H.G. Lewis is okay in my book. What's his line? Something like, "My movies are like the poems of Walt Whitman. They're no damn good, but dammit, they're the first."

No Comment on the Irony of a "Pro-Family" Organization That Opposes Marriages
01/05/2004 08:54:27 AM

The American ~~Homophobe~~ Family Association is conducting an opinion poll on the legalization of gay marriages, and promises to present the results to Congress. Considering that the results are currently 67.35% in favor of either legalization of gay marriages or civil unions, how likely is it that the AFA will actually follow through on its promise? I think we need a poll on this question. Weirdsmobile promises to present the results of this poll to the AFA. Meanwhile, go to the AFA poll and vote early and vote often!

Very Important Poll

Do you believe the AFA will actually present the results of this poll to Congress if it doesn't go their way?

Sure, they seem like honest folk.
Ha! As if...

Link via Elizabeth

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BeerMary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.13.121
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 01/06/2004 04:52:17 PM
Thanks for the link! My vote is in.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@msn.com
IP: 68.136.22.136
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 01/06/2004 09:11:16 PM
Hey, you have to disclose all kinds of personal info when you're taking this poll. How did you get around that?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.9
URL: http://flowerhead.com
DATE: 01/07/2004 09:44:16 AM
I was wondering about that myself. Kinda kills the vote often idea.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Kim
EMAIL:
IP: 68.52.98.17
URL:
DATE: 01/08/2004 04:59:22 PM
The week of Christmas there was an article on the front page of...I think Detroit paper?...that dealt with this poll. It was heavily skewed toward the AFA's stance, completely manipulated, but when you read closely you saw that the AFA was actually in the minority vote. My point is that I have a feeling that's how this whole thing is going to turn out. In the end the AFA is only going to make themselves look good no matter the outcome of the poll.

Very Important Poll
01/06/2004 03:53:58 AM

NPR.arg

What do you most dread hearing when you turn on NPR?

Banjo
Retrospective on 1930's Blues Legend
Pledge Drive
The News from Lake Wobegon
This American Life
The Capitol Steps

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.79.99
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/06/2004 07:14:57 AM
Now you've got polls. I'm impressed. I'm one of those dorks who actually listens to NPR a lot, even the banjo.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 01/06/2004 07:23:32 AM
How could you even include This American Life with all that other stuff. I'm miffed.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 01/06/2004 10:30:30 AM
tough, between the Pledge Drive and the Capitol Steps. I have noticed you never hear the Capitol Steps during Pledge Drive.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Vague
EMAIL: graymater@msn.com
IP: 206.214.166.83
URL: http://waxphilosophy.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/06/2004 11:03:35 AM
Wow! Polls!

I am going to have to take the time to learn how to do that.

I love Prairie Home Companion. Except during pledge week.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 67.250.180.235
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 01/06/2004 11:35:16 AM
How could you even include This American Life with all that other stuff. I'm miffed.

I love This American Life! Don't get me wrong. However, I can't stand Ira Glass's voice. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge. Don't ask me why.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 67.250.180.235
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 01/06/2004 11:38:03 AM
Oh yeah, as far as the polls go, never let it be said that I'm selfish with my love: go to SiteMason...they have a free poll-creation tool on their site. Kwik-N-EZ. Been using it for years.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 209.246.244.1
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 01/06/2004 01:07:41 PM
yay polls! I love NPR. Sadly I'm the only person that I know in real life that listens to it. So I can't strike up a convo with anyone I see on a daily basis and say, "Hey, did you hear that spot on NPR today about blah blah blah..." I'm always met with dead eyes when I mention NPR. *sniff* My fave spot is Science Friday. Oooh science. :)The pledge drive drives me whacko. Sure I understand they have to raise funds and such, but it seems like the drives are everyother month now. And really, how many NPR coffee mugs can one have in the house they stark to look really dorkish? Over and out.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/06/2004 02:46:34 PM
NPR holds no fear for me. I listen through the pledge drives. I belong to my local PBS station. I love all of it. I've listened pretty much since it started. I even like the stuff I don't like so much, because it's just that much better than anything else.

What do I really dread when I tune in NPR? Silence. No, honest. I am certain it will happen one day. One day there will be no NPR. Rupert Murdock will have purchased it.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/06/2004 06:29:01 PM
rupert murdocH.

sorry, the proofreader in me just couldn't resist...i will go back into my hole in the ground now.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/07/2004 10:03:22 AM
I accept the correction in the spirit in which it was intended -- although I feel no guilt at all over the mispelling in particular ;> It was all I could do not to call him Ruprick...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 65.243.231.15
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 01/07/2004 12:20:45 PM
I love NPR but I get homicidal when I hear certain parts of it: the specific theme music for 'Science Fridays' (I hate how it gets cut off), anything part of 'All Things Considered,' and when Korva Coleman says, "I'm Korva Coleman." RAGE HATE GNASH!

Once I woke up to a special on Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass -- I almost sent NPR $100 just for that alone.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: gosh dangit
EMAIL:
IP: 150.176.245.171
URL:
DATE: 01/07/2004 12:51:23 PM
enuf w/ the polls..please bring back depressing tunes!!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/07/2004 01:54:58 PM
You should have added "Garrison Keillor singing." Eeeeh.

I kind of like Ira Glass's voice, though I think that's because I'm basically a sucker for soft-spoken Jewish guys.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/08/2004 04:35:07 AM
oldtimey,

I know how you feel, except my skin crawls in response to Michele Norris saying her name, "I'm Meechele Norris." What makes her so special that she gets a long vowel instead of a short one?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mae
EMAIL:
IP: 69.29.124.132
URL:
DATE: 01/09/2004 04:25:58 PM
Oh, no! What am I missing? There's no Science Fridays where I live. :(

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jen
EMAIL: jen@pixeldecor.com
IP: 69.133.59.104
URL: http://www.verybigdesign.com/verybigblog
DATE: 01/11/2004 11:46:38 PM
where the hell is the "No stinking pbs for me!"

I really really really hate pbs in all forms, and I was raised in a pbs station (mom had a celtic folk show). Nothing makes me fall asleep faster than pbs, god, I hate it.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: lstr
EMAIL:
IP: 68.107.51.227
URL:
DATE: 01/23/2004 09:38:20 AM
Hey B, whay does Ira Glass' voice set your teeth on edge? How come, huh?

Your Guide to the Democratic Candidates
01/08/2004 01:55:39 PM

With the 2004 presidential elections on the horizon, it's vital that every voter stay informed about his or her choices. If you're like me, you probably have trouble keeping the Democratic presidential candidates straight, so I thought I'd put together this handy guide. Feel free to print it out and keep it close by during the next debate!

Howard Dean

The strong and fearless front-runner of the Democratic field, Dean was a humble paperboy when a magical coin transported him to the Martial Arts planet of Zord, where he was trained by Master Fa-Lo-Wing in the secret fighting technique known as Zenn-Do before returning to Earth to battle the forces of evil. Dean adheres to the rules and philosophy of Martial Arts and is formidable in combat, wielding the Dragon Thunder Sword which he uses to summon his Dragon Force Elite Squad.

Wesley Clark

A fun-loving jokester, Clark relies on his quick wit, cunning, and lightning-fast reflexes to defeat his enemies. Once a jet-setting playboy, Clark was given his super-speed powers when the evil Warlock Desputin attacked a discoteque in Munich, where Clark was dancing with his girlfriend Sheila. Struck by a stray burst of radioactive Turbo Cat power, Clark soon developed superhuman abilities, which he now uses to fight crime. Clark may be a clown, but he cares for his friends and is always ready with a kind word or a hug when they are feeling down.

John Kerry

Kerry is a quiet, reticent person, deeply spiritual and honorable in nature. His origins are shrouded in mystery, but what is known about Kerry is that before he entered the presidential race, he was the sensei of the Green Shogun dojo on the island of Mandolor, practicing Martial Arts and studying Buddhist philosophies. It was only the death of his brother Zack that brought him out of Mandolor to seek Zack's killer. Enigmatic and aloof, Kerry is dedicated to stamping out injustice wherever it is found.

Joe Lieberman

Lieberman is the last of six members of the Super Star Patrol chosen by the Galacticons to protect the people of Earth against the dreaded Black Omega Alliance. Although he is over 1,000 years old, Lieberman is actually a teenager by the standards of his native world of Dalconia. Raised in Dalconia's high gravity, Lieberman has super-strength on Earth, and his weapon of choice is the Nova Blaster, which fires a high-energy beam that instantly destroys anything not of Terran origin.

Dick Gephardt

Gephardt, once an Olympic gymnast, defied the will of his parents to leave gymnastics and become a crimefighter. The subsequent death of his parents at the hands of Lord Finistar left Gephardt with a heavy burden of guilt which he bears to this day. Although he has no supernatural powers, Gephardt is a powerful foe in battle, having enhanced his gymnastics training with cybernetic implants. Gephardt is currently running his campaign from a massive fortress hidden deep within the Swiss Alps.

John Edwards

Although gifted with a supergenius IQ, Edwards grew up living a life of crime as a homeless street urchin. It was not until he encountered the kindly, wise Wizard Zeophon that Edwards gave up his criminal ways and embraced the path of justice and order. Before his untimely death during the Shadow Ninja War, Zeophon trained Edwards in the mystic arts, granting Edwards such powers as teleportation, energy projection, and hypnotic persuasion. Edwards now dedicates his life to training other troubled teens as founder of the Ninja Tiger League.

Carol Moseley Braun

Once a ditzy and materialistic high school student, Braun was forced to grow up when she was given the Amulet of Chronopis, a powerful alien artifact that imbued her with supernatural abilities. Braun is now the most powerful of the three Time Guardians whose duty it is to protect the time line against constant attempts by evil Lord Deceptor and his minions to alter history. Although she doesn't always see eye to eye with the other Time Guardians, Braun's kind and compassionate soul is the glue that holds the team together.

Dennis Kucinich

Although trailing the pack of Democratic presidential hopefuls, Kucinich is considered a champion on his home world of Kulanoi, where he is a Prince in the Royal House. Kidnapped by forces from the planet Ekadrion, mortal enemies of the Kulanoids, Kucinich's memories were erased and he was stranded on Earth. When Dr. Zordat restored Kuhinich's memories, Kucinich also regained his fantastic abilities, such as the power to invoke the Super Tiger Ninja, a quasi-spirit being tasked to protect the Prince of Kulanoi at any cost.

Al Sharpton

Hot-headed and impulsive, Sharpton is always getting into trouble and having to be rescued by his elder brother Pete. While his stubbornness and reluctance to follow the straight and narrow path can be exasperating, there is no doubting Sharpton's prowess in battle. Sharpton's power weapon is the Falcon Sabre, which glows a bright blue in the presence of evil. Although he once lost the Sabre during a battle with Lord Repultor, he was able to regain it with the help of Super Jaguar Element, a sentient automaton who has since become Sharpton's closest friend and ally.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 01/08/2004 02:01:26 PM
That should shut my Republican co-workers up. =)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Chris M.
EMAIL: chris@icrywolf.com
IP: 198.45.19.20
URL: http://icrywolf.com
DATE: 01/08/2004 02:10:25 PM
My favorite episode was the one when Braun had to travel back to the fifteenth century to save Sharpton's ancestor from certain doom at the hands of Humberto, The Swamp God, and she almost got killed by its powerful moss breath until Lieberman swooped in at the last second and banished the beast to a locked dimension in the fifteenth galaxy. In fact, if Lieberman gets the nomination, I wouldn't be surprised if Braun was his running mate.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 01/08/2004 03:35:56 PM
That is incredibly helpful. If there were stats listed along with the description, voting in the primaries would be a no-brainer!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 01/08/2004 03:44:27 PM
psst... "Kucinich."

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Would you like to write the book for the new KG musical I'm developing?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 65.243.231.100
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 01/08/2004 07:44:16 PM
I would like those pictures to replace the regular pictures in the Onion's what-do-you-think opinion poll . . . I could see it.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jeffrey
EMAIL: jeffrey@thestructuralist.com
IP: 67.241.172.44
URL: http://www.thestructuralist.com/weblog
DATE: 01/08/2004 08:32:33 PM
Clark looks the best in his blue and red tights.... And Dean just looks plain silly in that cape.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: MangoMonkeyBoy
EMAIL: heavyheavyjon@yahoo.com
IP: 68.42.205.18
URL: http://mangomonkeymadness.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/08/2004 11:14:42 PM
I don't watch a lot of TV that isn't the Simpsons or britcoms or the West Wing or documentaries on the Wily Koala Frog of Northern Madagascar---is John Edwards that son of a bitch from that fake show where they talk to dead people? Plus, he looks a lot like Michael McKean in that picture.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 64.252.91.0
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 01/09/2004 05:49:44 AM
I'm still waiting for a /decent/ Braun action figure.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bhw
EMAIL: bhw@bhwblog.com
IP: 24.147.238.50
URL: http://www.bhwblog.com
DATE: 01/09/2004 08:26:00 AM
Very nice. I just gave this a link from my site, but the trackback ping didn't work.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.129.107.160
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 01/10/2004 12:32:04 AM
Thank you so much for this service! It's tough knowing who to vote for when you don't know what all the candidate's special abilities, secret weapons, and power-ups are. Now I think I finally know who to vote for!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.79.99
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/12/2004 09:18:46 PM
You watching Fox News again, B?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: curz
EMAIL:
IP: 209.147.0.5
URL:
DATE: 01/13/2004 08:39:37 AM
this is so gay. haha.

where the hell you be, Bx2??

it's like, me and barb don't even exist anymore. booo.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/16/2004 02:24:45 PM
This should be a Quizilla quiz: Which Democratic presidential candidate are you?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: firefly
EMAIL: firefly@fireflyoftheearth.com
IP: 24.10.5.43
URL: http://www.fireflyoftheearth.com
DATE: 01/25/2004 04:10:31 PM
Totally Hilarious, thanks for sharing. My dad (being the lovely Republican than he is) will love this!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 01/27/2004 09:04:05 PM
related:

http://www.yomomma.com/Writings/democratoons.html

Fun With RSS
01/10/2004 08:38:23 AM

Hey Kids! This weblog now offers a handy dandy RSS feed for those of you who are into that sort of thing.

Many thanks to Jennifer at Etc. for her neat template and to Filmgoerjuan for kicking my ass in gear in the first place.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about (and believe me, I'm maybe a half-step ahead of you in that case), there's a nice explanation of RSS syndication at SoundBlog.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 24.13.112.142
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 01/10/2004 12:54:27 PM
Aw, yea! Everyone's XMLin' it up. I don't know why, but it's satisfying to see one's content presented in another form for some reason.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Kim
EMAIL:
IP: 68.52.98.17
URL:
DATE: 01/10/2004 05:06:59 PM

So, um, I don't get it. What's the point of having an RSS Feed other than being able to be updated as to when the site is updated? Or, rather, how in the hell would you know?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 01/10/2004 05:11:59 PM
Where's the guide to the Republican candidates? The masses are adrift!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: filmgoerjuan
EMAIL: fgjuan@telus.net
IP: 207.216.94.74
URL: http://blog.filmgoerjuan.com/index.php
DATE: 01/11/2004 07:36:35 AM
Wow, nagging really *does* work -- thanks for the addition, B!

My next task: to get you to put back the "Preview" button on comments ;)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/11/2004 08:16:15 PM
i don't get the RSS fee thing at all. one of these days i will read that thing at Soundblog. but not today. coz it's my birthday.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 66.126.169.99
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 01/12/2004 10:51:04 AM
I used it in my RSS feed compiler thingie. It lets me know when cool websites and not so cool news sites have been updated. Some times I can read the whole entry, like here and don't have to deal with all that "design" and creativity... ugh... kidding of course, I mainly use it to browse when sites have been updated instead of having to actually click on the site, cuz you know, my time is important. So thanks!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Zippy
EMAIL:
IP: 206.230.19.90
URL:
DATE: 01/12/2004 03:44:47 PM
I totally don't get the RSS thing. Can it be used for Palms? That's the only thing I can see myself using it for. It would be cool to read an aggregation of my favorite blogs while I'm stuck waiting somewhere.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 12.146.139.3
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 01/14/2004 05:04:39 PM
Hey! Zippy! now yer talkin'. On your Palm, stripping the design away would be very useful. You have to make a webpage that already aggregates and displays your fav feeds and then hope that the full text is displayed in each feed (it often is not), and then you'd have something. Neat idea, certainly.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Burnt Fuse
EMAIL: admin@burnt-fuse.com
IP: 24.205.200.35
URL: http://www.burnt-fuse.com/weblog.php
DATE: 01/16/2004 08:47:42 PM
This template totally rocks! I have pMachine now, maybe I can get someone to make me one. Like they promised. A LONG time ago. Hint, hint....

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: glenn
EMAIL: peon@contractorpeon.com
IP: 156.153.255.195
URL: http://www.contractorpeon.com/blog
DATE: 01/21/2004 02:48:05 PM
RSS feed. Thank God!

For those of you who don't know what an RSS feed is good for, a good percentage of people only read blogs via newsreader. Like me.

I have maybe 20-25 blogs in my newsreader. No way in Hades I would read that many if I had to go to the site and read it. Case in point. I rarely read B2's blog because he DIDN'T have an XML feed. Now he does. Now I'll read everything he writes.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: KateMonkey
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 62.254.0.38
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com/
DATE: 01/24/2004 03:24:43 PM
Whoever made the livejournal syndication feed deserves sweet sweet lovin'.

Because now I have B on my friends list! Yay!

Kerry Wins Iowa, Gephardt Out
01/20/2004 09:22:36 AM

In a surprising upset, John Kerry was declared the victor in the campaign-leadoff Iowa caucuses, beating out favorite Howard Dean, who finished third behind Kerry and John Edwards. While Dean and his Dragon Force Elite Squad fought valiantly, they were overcome by Kerry's Crystal Mage special attack. At that moment Edwards, forging a temporary alliance with Kerry, unleashed his Ninja Tiger powers, leaving Dean imprisoned in an energy-beam cage that dampened his Zenn-Do attack capabilities.

Meanwhile, Dick Gephardt, whose Cyber Gymnastics powers proved insufficient against the combined forces of the other Democratic candidates, went home to his Swiss fortress in abject defeat. Before leaving Iowa, however, Gephardt vowed revenge. "You think you've defeated me...but you shall know my wrath...in 2008!" Gephardt cried, shaking a gloved fist in rage. "I will destroy you...your lives are forfeit...your houses shall be your funeral pyres!"

Dean, thought to be encased somewhere inside Mount Terror, could not be reached for comment, but campaign analysts predict that the race is now between Dean and Kerry. "Clark has yet to get serious and utilize his Turbo Cat powers effectively," said NPR senior news analyst Daniel Schorr, "while Lieberman's Nova Blaster may not be powerful enough to win him any crucial victories."

Political commentator Bill Press disagreed. "While Kerry's battle aura is strong, the war is young yet," Press said, "and Kucinich has yet to invoke the Super Tiger Ninja, which could turn the tide in the battle for the Earth realm." Most observers agreed that the excellence of the candidates' martial arts would be a major factor in the upcoming New Hampshire primary.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 24.13.112.142
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 01/20/2004 11:53:41 AM
Yes! Continuity!

This is news the corporate media won't tell you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Brad
EMAIL:
IP: 66.190.21.202
URL:
DATE: 01/21/2004 07:49:36 AM
What about Dennis Kucinich?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/21/2004 05:44:53 PM
I demand the right to steal your little Decision 2004 logo and make a button out of it. Demand it!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 01/23/2004 11:49:48 AM
if you don't use Dean-as-wrestler in the next issue I'm switching to DC.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 209.246.244.1
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 01/23/2004 02:41:55 PM
With all the special ninja attacks, Dragon Force Elite Squads, promises of revenge, Mount Terror and Turbo Cat Powers, you can even make a 5 year old a fan of your writing. And I mean it, my 5 year old is now a fan of your writing.:)

I'm Shocked, Shocked
01/22/2004 01:36:01 PM

Opus writes: Here's a followup to the American Family Association's gay marriage survey. Surprise! They're not presenting it to Congress.

Señor Sarcasmo responds: No! No way! I can't believe it! You mean to say that a fair, objective organization like the American Family Association would go back on its word and not present the results of its poll to Congress, just because it didn't go the way they wanted? I'm sorry, but I just don't buy it. Next you'll be telling me that they came up with some lame ass excuse that any moron could have predicted they'd fall back on from the very outset. Like, blaming it on gay activists or something. Is that what you're telling me? Because I just don't believe it. That would mean that the AFA is a bunch of hypocritical, self-deluded nitwits who won't accept that their intolerant views are totally out of step with the majority of Americans. Which is just ridiculous. Get out of here, you crazy!

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 01/22/2004 03:10:49 PM
I like how the logo is dripping. In what must be sarcasm.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 66.126.169.16
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 01/22/2004 03:43:38 PM
hmm so when the say "homosexual activists" do they mean activists who are gay or activists who act for gay folks. Let's hope they think the latter; it'll scare them more to think that good, honest, hardworking STRAIGHT folks don't mind if GAY people get married.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.78
URL: http://flowerhead.com
DATE: 01/22/2004 04:05:32 PM
That is freakin' hysterical.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 01/22/2004 04:44:04 PM
Is Senor Sarcasmo gay himself, or may I date him?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 63.186.41.154
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 01/22/2004 10:45:55 PM
I wish the TV stations could have aired a "Senor Sarcasmo" rebuttal after the State of the Union Address on Tuesday night. In fact, it would be really cool if he ran for office.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BeerMary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.13.121
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 01/23/2004 04:51:59 AM
Even if the poll HAD gone their way, how DARE they try to present it to Congress? They tried to skew the results from the beginning first off. Second, I cannot think of anything more UNSCIENTIFIC than an internet poll! What fucktard would have the balls to present the results of an internet poll to a civics class in junior high, let alone to CONGRESS in an attempt to CHANGE OUR COUNTRY'S CONSTITUTION??!!!!

I wish I could bitchslap every single person in that organization!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/23/2004 06:24:03 AM
Is it just me or does Senor Sarcasmo look an awful lot like Jess from Gilmore Girls?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com
DATE: 01/23/2004 10:52:10 AM
I think Senor Sarcasmo should have his own blog! If Senor Don Gato ever retires, maybe Sr. Sarcasmo can start posting.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 01/23/2004 11:39:11 AM
He does look like Jess, but we wouldn't know for sure until we saw him open his crooked crooked weirdly crooked mouth.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 66.126.169.16
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 01/23/2004 12:19:34 PM
I wish I was Jess from Gilmore Girls...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/25/2004 07:49:05 AM
Paws off, june. I will be the one to date this "Senor Sarcasmo".

Dean's Powers Are Weak, Kerry's Are Superior
01/28/2004 12:05:33 PM

Kerry Wins High Score in New Hampshire, Advances to Challenging Stage

Everyone who told me before Iowa and New Hampshire that John Kerry had no chance of beating Howard Dean now owes me an apology. Granted, three months ago I was insisting that Dennis Kucinich would be the dark horse winner, but I'm still not convinced that Kucinich is completely out of the race, given that Kucinich, who recently freed Dr. Zordat from the Overlord's clutches on the Ekadrion homeworld, was granted a Super Tiger Ninja upgrade by the grateful scientist and is now, in my humble opinion, a daunting opponent. (Yes, yes, JEFan86, I'm well aware that the Super Tiger Ninja is a blatant ripoff of John Edwards' Ninja Tiger League, so you can spare me the indignant e-mail. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion is admirable but largely irrelevant at this stage.)

Anyway, it should be clear to even the diehard skeptics out there that Kerry's Green Shogun style of Kung Fu is no joke. Does no one remember Kerry's victory over the Laughing Demon at the climax of the Third Martian Sakura War? Or Battle Royal Berserker's crushing defeat at Kerry's hands at Volcano Zero? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? What Kerry's critics fail to understand is that simply because he lacks the fiery intensity of Dean or Clark's "class clown" personality does not mean that Kerry lacks passion or that his battle aura is not just as formidable as theirs. The critics would do well to keep in mind that his brother Zack's death continues to hang over Kerry's head, and what seems like cool detachment is merely the suppression of a deep and abiding thirst for vengeance. Who would it benefit for Kerry to go off on everyone like Upperclassman Kuno in Ranma 1/2, blustering and ultimately impotent?

Make no mistake, Kerry's victory in New Hampshire is no flash in the pan. A cursory analysis of Dean's now-revealed-as-overrated Zenn-Do martial arts technique should be enough to make clear that exotic, cool-sounding gimmicks are no substitute for years of mental, spiritual and physical training. Let's not forget that Kerry is the sensei of the Green Shogun Dojo! Cretins like DBZRulz may scoff at that, but is Ryu Daikatsu scoffing as he languishes in abject defeat in the ruins of Megalopolis? Or the other Democratic candidates, for that matter, as they now scatter in confusion before Kerry's powerful chi? I don't think so. I'm not saying that Kerry's ultimate victory is assured, but if Dean cannot come up with something more original than the same old Lunatic Dragon Final Attack he's been using since his governorship days, then he may as well go home to Vermont.

But it's time to end this constant bickering; the Democratic party must rally together around a single champion if we are to pose a credible threat to George W. Bush and the Twilight Idol Republican Administration, and as New Hampshire should make clear, that champion is Sensei Kerry.

Fun! Put this hastily conceived and constructed wallpaper on your desktop.

800 x 600

1024 x 768

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 209.246.244.1
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 01/28/2004 12:13:27 PM
You're so tres rocking. Decision 2004 has def gotten my wee one interested in politics!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jeffrey
EMAIL: jeffrey@thestructuralist.com
IP: 216.204.40.5
URL: http://www.thestructuralist.com/weblog
DATE: 01/28/2004 01:13:24 PM
I love the wallpaper. I haven't been this happy since I was married. Genius.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 01/28/2004 01:49:29 PM
I wish that TV coverage of each Democratic primary would cut away from the Democrats for the last five minutes of each show for some kind of "Republican epilogue."

You know, something that showed Bush and Karl Rove in their extradimensional tower quietly watching the primary on TV for a few seconds before Rove shuts it off and makes some cutting comment.

Then Bush would start boosting his power levels and start crackling with some intense energy aura, and they'd both laugh maniacally before the screen went black and the credits rolled.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.179
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 01/28/2004 03:43:09 PM
Moohahahaha!

Maybe they could show up in some random park after that, and the Power Ranger democratic hopeful team could show up and try to kick some conservative booty.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/28/2004 06:50:17 PM
that reminds me of the old campaign in the UK when blair was elected - the conservatives had a poster with blair's eyes reddened like a devil, just like your poster of kerry...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.238
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 01/28/2004 09:59:59 PM
it is thanking you i am.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.238
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 01/28/2004 10:09:34 PM
HA HA HA

i became pink and crying as I read this.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: qdl
EMAIL: qdl@stupidblog.com
IP: 216.214.203.170

URL: http://www.stupidblog.com DATE: 02/14/2004 11:19:17 AM
hooray for the wallpaper! i have now replaced the extreme closeup of janet jackson's boobie with Extreme John Kerry. fabulous!

Today's Extremely Important Entry
02/01/2004 12:35:33 PM

My friend Björk (not that Björk) showed me a drawing of eBay's founder on their feedback page that she said looked like drawings I used to send her years ago:

At first I thought, "Dammit, I'll sue!" But then I thought, no, I like eBay...I wouldn't want to put them out of business with a protracted litigation. (Besides, can you even claim ownership of a particular style of crude line drawings?) Instead, I'll take my compensation in the form of theft. So here's my new B² icon. What do you think?

Here's the drunk version:

Please contact Weirdsmobile for any inquiries regarding licensing or merchandising rights.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 66.84.173.230
URL:
DATE: 02/01/2004 02:47:19 PM
definitely sue the cheap-ass corporate bastards!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.150.195.104
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 02/01/2004 04:02:56 PM
That's so uncool. I hope you contact them.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: curz
EMAIL: capriporn@hotmail.com
IP: 67.73.15.52
URL:
DATE: 02/02/2004 12:21:02 AM
why does it look like Dante from Clerks?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/02/2004 01:31:26 AM
does your friend have the correspondence in which you sent her your drawing?

if yes, SUE THEM. don't let them get away with it!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 64.252.48.162
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 02/02/2004 01:55:53 PM
How can a pair of eyebrows make it look so much more like you?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 172.198.115.153
URL:
DATE: 02/03/2004 08:16:38 AM
that's exactly the way i always pictured you drunk!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbness
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.121.20.240
URL:
DATE: 02/04/2004 03:45:05 AM
it doesn't look asian enough, and like chelsea, i think it looks like dante from clerks.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.150.194
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 02/05/2004 05:27:38 AM
How can I make it more Asian without making Angry Asian Man angry?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbness
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.123.248.92
URL:
DATE: 02/07/2004 09:29:49 PM
i don't know.

Cease and Desist, Charlie Brown!
02/03/2004 02:35:31 PM

RE: Unauthorized Use of PEANUTS Intellectual Property

To Whom It May Concern:

United Feature Syndicate, Inc. dba United Media ("UFS") is the exclusive owner of all copyright, trademark, and other intellectual property rights in and to the world-famous PEANUTS properties. UFS syndicates the comic strip PEANUTS by Charles Schulz in thousands of newspapers across the United States and around the world. The rights owned by UFS strictly prohibit any individual attempts to reproduce, transmit, copy, or otherwise utilize the PEANUTS comic strip, or the characters appearing therein, without the express written permission of UFS.

It has come to our attention that the Website located at http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/vault/heyyacb.movcontains an unauthorized copy and derivative reproduction of the PEANUTS characters. Our research shows that you own and/or have effective control over this Website. As is made clear above, this material is owned by UFS and cannot be used without the express written consent of UFS, which consent you have not been granted.

We therefore demand that you immediately remove all unauthorized PEANUTS materials and any links to unauthorized PEANUTS materials from the Website addresshttp://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/vault/heyyacb.mov and any other sites over which you have control. You must confirm to us in writing that you have complied with our demand by no later than two (2) weeks from the date appearing at the top of this letter.

Nothing in this letter shall be construed as a waiver or relinquishment of any right or remedy possessed by UFS or any affected party, all of which are expressly reserved.

Sincerely,

Angela Gordon

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: KateMonkey
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 62.254.0.38
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com/
DATE: 02/03/2004 03:23:59 PM
Y'know, I've done a hell of a lot of copyright infringement in my lifetime, and I've never received a cease and desist?

I bow before your coolness!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.182
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 02/03/2004 03:53:17 PM
Dammit, I still haven't seen this video. Where can I find it now? I've been waiting until I can have a quiet moment with a dsl connection.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 209.36.27.8
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 02/03/2004 03:55:36 PM
I'll zip it up and send it to you, Susan. Just send me the e-mail address you prefer.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jennifer
EMAIL: jennifer@liscious.net
IP: 66.114.142.176
URL: http://www.liscious.net/piehole
DATE: 02/03/2004 04:02:29 PM
Holy anal retention, Batman! You got corporate attorney panties in a bunch!

You're SO cool!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.150.194
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 02/03/2004 04:05:30 PM
I feel so punk rock.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jeffrey
EMAIL: jeffrey@thestructuralist.com
IP: 66.217.146.89
URL: http://www.thestructuralist.com/weblog
DATE: 02/03/2004 04:36:23 PM
The proverbial Lucy just pulled the proverbial football away right as you ran to proverbially kick it.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Burnt Fuse
EMAIL: admin@burnt-fuse.com
IP: 24.205.200.35
URL: http://www.burnt-fuse.com/weblog/
DATE: 02/03/2004 06:29:48 PM
LMFAO!!!!! *snort* *chortle*

Ahem...

You should write back to them and tell them that using your URL in that letter violates YOUR copyright, as they did it without your permission. Let 'em suck on that one.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/03/2004 08:09:09 PM
Hey, you know you're someone when some huge corporation notices you and feels all threatened. You are mighty! You are powerful!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mikey
EMAIL: nerdboy@electricbugaloo.com
IP: 172.199.189.88
URL: http://electricbugaloo.com
DATE: 02/03/2004 08:39:18 PM
they're just mad because they're not making any money off of it...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/03/2004 09:50:12 PM
wow. cool. how did they find out? wow.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 63.186.40.139
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 02/03/2004 10:02:54 PM
Why do you have to write them a letter when you've removed it? Are they too lazy to check for themselves?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 02/03/2004 10:48:37 PM
I wonder what Ms. Gordon's corporate title is. VP of Nothing to Do All Day But Check the Web for Copyright Infringements? Rock the monkey!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jeffrey
EMAIL: jeffrey@thestructuralist.com
IP: 216.204.40.5
URL: http://www.thestructuralist.com/weblog
DATE: 02/04/2004 07:16:52 AM
somebody totally narced

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/04/2004 07:46:04 AM
You have to start wearing biker boots and black leather jackets now... and you have to smoke unfiltered Camels. You renegade, you.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: monique
EMAIL: coffeenated@yahoo.com
IP: 65.248.203.126
URL:
DATE: 02/04/2004 07:59:08 AM
God dayum B!!! Charlie Brown owns your ass mother fucker!!!

:o)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: graham jackman
EMAIL:
IP: 209.234.160.48
URL:
DATE: 02/04/2004 09:34:50 AM
ok--if the creation is done as a parody, IT'S LEGAL-- so tell Linus to F-off! Corporate Bullys..ever seen of Saturday TV Funhouse on SNL? They pull original audio and copyrights all the time--EVEN the PEANUTS. Don't let them bully you B!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Voice of reason
EMAIL: mannaz@aol.com
IP: 66.149.250.141
URL:
DATE: 02/04/2004 10:40:31 AM
Actually, the copyright lies in the characters themselves. So, using them, as we would see them in any cartoon sanctioned by the owners of said copyright is a violation.

I'd like to hear the argument that this music video is parody involving political and/or social satire.

The song that is used in the cartoon is also copyrighted. Use of that song without permission -- and also paying the appropriate fee for said use -- is a violation as an unauthorized performance.

So (assuming that the person(s) who created that awsome little cartoon didn't get proper license) you might get a letter from the music company that owns it. (Though the first letter seems to take care of the problem).

Now, you can choose to keep the links and to distribute it among your friends, however, these guys have lots of money and attorneys whose whole lives are devoted to suing people. The fines for copyright infringement are enough to even make Bill Gates worry....

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL: volume22@email.com
IP: 205.161.153.238
URL: http://volume22.blogspot.com/
DATE: 02/04/2004 12:38:20 PM
Hasn't Mad magazine done this sort of thing for almost fifty years?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/04/2004 02:17:47 PM
You fought the law and the law won, dude.

So punk rock.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Serenity
EMAIL: serenity@serenitysjournal.com
IP: 170.224.224.134
URL: http://www.serenitysjournal.com
DATE: 02/04/2004 07:20:54 PM
I am in awe. No one ever notices when I violate their copyrights...I must be doing something wrong.

I saved that little movie so if anyone wants it, I'll send it to them.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: 8
EMAIL:
IP: 12.23.139.50
URL:
DATE: 02/04/2004 09:24:52 PM
Please submit this to http://www.chillingeffects.org/ -- they're a clearinghouse of these kinds of cease-and-desist letters and a good resource to point people to when they're sent one of these things or when you're trying to illustrate the impact of corporate attorneys on freedom of expression via the WWW. This story would fit in well.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@msn.com
IP: 68.136.22.253
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 02/04/2004 09:52:55 PM
That is one "hack" legal letter if I ever read one! They probably had a first-year fresh out of law school writing that thing. Aw hell, it ain't worth screwing with these sharks. Just take it down and let them earn their hourly billable from the Schultz estate.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.166.117.190
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 02/04/2004 10:51:03 PM
I think you should appropriate their letter, change the names, and send it to eBay.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chinh
EMAIL: chinh@chinh.org
IP: 69.22.9.100
URL: http://www.chinh.org
DATE: 02/04/2004 11:07:14 PM
WOW... that's so awesome that United Media saw your website! They wouldn't look at mine! Maybe you'll get discovered with your graphics and tales and in 20 years time we'll see an E True Hollywood Story on your fame and fortune... (HEY! It could happen ya know!!!)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.150.194
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 02/05/2004 02:40:34 AM
You know what I find amusing about being contacted by United Feature Syndicate? After years of ripping off their shit, the one thing they come after me on is something I didn't even personally steal!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BeerMary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.13.121
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 02/05/2004 06:42:13 AM
I too would like an email so I can see the super-secret video that is robbing the Schultz estate of millions daily.

This "Angela" probably gets paid four times what we make in a year, and THIS is how she makes a living? Pathetic!

I too thought that cases like this have been taken to court over and over, and the side doing the parody ALWAYS wins. But, just like the RIAA and Direct TV, the big corporations have the money to sue you, so basically you cave in. Bastards!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Duh-hut
EMAIL:
IP: 4.35.150.194
URL:
DATE: 02/05/2004 12:24:56 PM
As cool as B² is for other reasons, getting a cease & desist letter isn't an especially hard thing to do.

Here's how he got the cease and desist: file clerk or possibly legal intern types file name into Google, visits all websites and verifies that the file is still up, gets an email address and copy-pastes form letter into the "message" window, clicks "send" button.

Next step: in a week another file clerk or possibly legal intern will pick up a list of website addresses and visit them again to make sure the video is gone.

As for sticking it to the man? Why? Consider all the websites out there that use Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and the gang as their design motif. No one is getting a cease & desist for that, but I think UFS have a legitimate reason to feel concerned that there are people out there who would think this was the official video for the song. Never underestimate the stupidity of the average citizen.

In a way, it's a compliment to the people who created the video that it looks good enough to make UFS nervous enough to yank it.

Bad Erotica #3
02/05/2004 03:50:46 AM

Dirk Stryker motioned to the scantily-clad blonde who knelt before him, awaiting her Master's next command. "On your feet, slut!" he ordered sternly. "Bend over this sofa at once, that I may deliver the punishment you so richly deserve!" Trixie complied immediately, her silky ass rising like twin moons to meet Dirk's hungry gaze. "Like this, Master?" she asked meekly.

"Did I give you permission to speak, wench?" Dirk boomed, bringing the flat of his hand down on one of Trixie's butt cheeks with a ringing clap.

"Yowtch!" Trixie squealed.

"You've a brazen tongue in that pretty head of yours, my fine beauty," Dirk growled, "but you'll learn obedience soon enough...once I quench my hot steel 'twixt your impertinent buttocks!"

"'Impertinent buttocks?'"

"Silence, whore!" Dirk cried, smacking her again. "Now to teach you some manners..." he brought his throbbing man-meat to bear and prepared to penetrate Trixie's moist opening. As Dirk looked down at his beef torpedo, however, he noticed that his oversized pot belly was practically hanging over his genitalia.

Bleah, Dirk thought.

"Well?" Trixie said, her voice muffled by the sofa cushion.

"Hold on a sec," Dirk said, shaking his rapidly deflating baloney pony. As hot as this scene was, he couldn't dismiss the sudden realization that he was an overweight 35-year-old office temp. Who am I to order anyone around? Dirk thought bitterly. I can't even get my own shit together, much less muster the authority to command another human being. Man, this is pathetic!

Years later, Dirk, having overcome his personal demons through self-analysis and exercise, fought his way through the ranks to become the manager of the department he had once temped at. However, in so doing he became extremely embittered and lost pretty much whatever sex appeal he had once had. Needless to say, Trixie was long gone by that time, having undergone her own epiphany as she lay bent over the sofa, and realizing some profound truths about her ambivalence toward her own sexuality that led her eventually to psychotherapy, after several years of which she began dating an ex-Lutheran minister and moved to Oklahoma.

THE END

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 68.43.71.229
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 02/05/2004 04:51:30 AM
he was an overweight 35-year-old office temp.

whoa, all of a sudden I find Dirk strangely compelling...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.150.194
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 02/05/2004 05:30:07 AM
We need to talk!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/05/2004 06:03:11 AM
That was to me what Penthouse Forum is to most people.

Hold on, I need a minute...

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COMMENT
: AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/05/2004 06:24:20 AM
i need to stop giggling...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 69.0.38.144
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 02/05/2004 08:19:34 AM
That was so hot. Why can't it be like that in real life?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 12.146.139.3
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 02/05/2004 10:29:08 AM
porn is finally fun again!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/05/2004 03:32:29 PM
Is it just me, or would "Beef Torpedo" be a totally kickass name for a rock band?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 65.243.230.83
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 02/05/2004 06:37:14 PM
Could you maybe work the term "wet man burrito" into the next installment? I'd like it if you did.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 02/05/2004 08:57:56 PM
oh, uh, sorry - I was looking for the otaku primary coverage?

Sorry, didn't mean to disturb anybody! Hey, how 'bout that Janet Jackson?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Debbie
EMAIL: heatmizr66@loverbunny.com
IP: 12.220.181.69
URL: http://www.boredbutbusy.com
DATE: 02/06/2004 11:28:04 AM
I freely admit that my philosophy on porn has always been to fast forward through any and all pretense of a story or a tangible plotline and get right to the "impertinent buttocks" of the film.

But, I just love your self-doubting office temp and I'm rooting for him to get back in the game.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rob
EMAIL: shoegazewithme@yahoo.com
IP: 146.235.2.37
URL: http://preop.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/06/2004 01:39:23 PM
Hey, that sounds like every Friday night in my little world :)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 02/06/2004 03:10:39 PM
I had a beef torpedo for lunch today.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@msn.com
IP: 68.136.22.71
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 02/06/2004 09:54:48 PM
I wish more porn was like this.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: curz
EMAIL: capriporn@hotmail.com
IP: 204.32.29.124
URL:
DATE: 02/06/2004 11:58:44 PM
haha. that's so funny.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.145.99.215
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 02/08/2004 03:56:29 AM
Oh, this is so excellent! Your Bad Erotica is one of my favorites!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.67
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 02/09/2004 07:26:16 PM
That's not Bad Erotica, it's a work of art!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Velociman
EMAIL: crawford.kim@comcast.net
IP: 24.129.58.232
URL: http://www.velociworld.com
DATE: 02/10/2004 04:39:48 PM
Trixie is in violation of her confidentiality agreement, spilling my beans like that...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: d00d
EMAIL: d00d@dood.com
IP: 64.73.227.20
URL:
DATE: 02/12/2004 11:06:18 AM
omg, that's fricken hilarious

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: t
EMAIL: naughtie_secrets@hotmail.com
IP: 205.210.52.64
URL: http://indecentblogging.com/naughtysecrets
DATE: 03/02/2004 07:03:56 AM
hahaha, wow. that was too funny. you should post on indecentblogging.com! :)

Happy Belated Birthday, Skattieboy
02/07/2004 02:57:36 PM

I've been thinking a lot about Scott this past week, and I wasn't sure why, but then I realized last Monday was his birthday. Happy birthday, man -- you are remembered, and missed.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbness
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.123.248.92
URL:
DATE: 02/07/2004 09:25:27 PM
today is my birthday you bastard.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: ezrael
EMAIL: ezrael@onebox.com
IP: 4.47.128.158
URL:
DATE: 02/08/2004 01:16:15 AM
Happy Birthday, Scott, and thank you.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/08/2004 06:20:28 PM
I still have his Amazon wish list in my list of friends. Every once in a while I look at it.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.79.99
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/08/2004 08:28:41 PM
Hm. And here I thought you were talking about me. Shows how self-absorbed I am.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 172.196.128.164
URL:
DATE: 02/09/2004 12:56:34 AM
happy birthday skattie... rip.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.97
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 02/09/2004 11:15:25 AM
I miss Skattie. :-(

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@msn.com
IP: 68.136.22.18
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 02/10/2004 10:39:47 PM
I must've read the last few postings close to a dozen times. The question "Why did it happen?" is never answered.

AMAZING-ly Bad Science Fiction #3
02/16/2004 04:51:24 AM

>

THE MAN WHO WENT BACK IN TIME WITH LIKE $1000

Bunnies and fawns grazed peacefully in a verdant meadow. Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light! A hole appeared in mid-air, and a man stepped through. He brushed himself off as the hole sizzled to a close behind him, leaving only a faint whiff of ozone.

Slattery checked to make sure his satchel was still securely tightened. Inside were a thousand crisp dollar bills. It was the last of what had been an enormous fortune, nearly all of which had been spent researching and developing a working time machine. With this remaining thousand, though, he'd build a fortune that would dwarf even his former riches!

Slattery had gotten the idea after watching an episode of Little House on the Prairie, in which Half-Pint and Mary had bought an assload of candy at Oleson's Mercantile for a mere penny. He remembered reading about how, back in the 1800's, you could buy a steak dinner for something like a nickel, and a horse was maybe a hundred bucks. "Imagine if someone from today went back in time with a bunch of money," Slattery thought to himself. "He could live like a king for what wouldn't even buy a hamburger in today's dollars!"

Five years and millions of dollars later, Slattery had invented his time machine, withdrawn the last of his cash -- a thousand dollars -- and stepped into the Chrono-Portal, which he had set to the year 1870.

Giddy with thoughts of the lavish lifestyle he'd lead in this primitive age, Slattery made his way to the nearest town, which was Rattlesnake Gulch. He made a beeline for the general store. Striding boldly up to the counter, he told the proprietor, "What is the most expensive item in your establishment, my fine man?"

"Why, that'd be this here solid gold outhouse commode," the storekeep replied, gesturing to the solid gold outhouse commode behind the counter. "That'll cost ye pretty dear, though."

Slattery chuckled. "And how much would that be?" he asked, grinning.

"I reckon I could let ye have it for..." the storekeep calculated. "Five dollars?"

"Here ya go, my man!" Slattery proclaimed, and slapped five dollar bills onto the counter. "Wrap it up for me and I'll throw in an extra fifty cents!"

The storekeep merely stared at him.

"What's the matter, friend?" Slattery demanded. "Isn't -- er, 'ain't' my money good here?"

"Why, if this is money, I'll be a raccoon's uncle!" the storekeep exclaimed, shoving the bills back across the counter. "Tryin' ter pass off phony scratch is a hangin' offense 'round these parts, hombre!" he added, ominously.

"Now see here--" Slattery began to protest, when a meaty hand clapped onto his shoulder.

"What's all the ruckus?" the Sheriff demanded.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Slattery wailed.

As you can probably tell, the story did not end well for Slattery. You see, he plumb forgot that 21st century currency bears no resemblance to currency of the 1870's.

Miraculously, Slattery managed to escape the lynch mob and return to his own time, where he revised his plan. Unfortunately, when he attempted to secure some 19th century money, he realized that currency from that time was exceedingly rare and therefore just as pricey if not more so than if he were actually living in the 1800's! Oh, and needless to say, all of his 21st century money was confiscated by the sheriff, so when he got back, all the 19th century money he could afford was like $5. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Dumbass.

THE END

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/16/2004 06:59:45 AM
The mere title had me spitting Diet Coke.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com
DATE: 02/16/2004 08:19:13 AM
If he had been smarter, he would have converted his money to gold or something like that. But since this was AMAZING-ly Bad Science Fiction, he didn't think of that. Dumbass.

I'm just sayin', if any Weirdsmobile readers out there are thinking of going back in time with assloads of cash, convert it to gold first. Unless yer some kind of dipshit.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.149.146
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 02/16/2004 08:21:08 AM
Man, you've got the angles covered. If I ever invent a time machine, you'll be the first person I call.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com
DATE: 02/16/2004 08:29:06 AM
Sounds good. Just make sure you aren't calling me in 1970, because I wasn't alive in 1870. Also, don't call me after 2050, because I'll be in my 80s by then, and probably wouldn't be too excited about travelling through time at my advanced age.

That give you 46 years to invent a time machine. Get on the stick, Chester!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com
DATE: 02/16/2004 08:30:28 AM
That 1970 should be 1870, obviously. I was alive in 1970, although I was quite young, and probably was not interested in travelling through time. So don't call me in 1970, either.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com
DATE: 02/16/2004 08:31:52 AM
Also: call me if you have any Internet pornography from the future.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: filmgoerjuan
EMAIL: fgjuan@telus.net
IP: 149.99.243.226
URL: http://blog.filmgoerjuan.com/index.php
DATE: 02/16/2004 09:37:50 AM
There's a problem with him converting his money into gold first as well...$1000 is going to get him very little gold today...but in the story, a solid gold outhouse commode is only worth $5.

Of course, this is all B's fault for not doing his research and discovering that solid gold outhouse commodes cost more than $5, even in 1870 ;)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
EMAIL:
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL:
DATE: 02/16/2004 09:32:08 PM
Hey, I did something much like Slattery just now. Except it only took an hour to realize the shoddiness of my plan. And it didn't involve cool stuff like time travel.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 02/16/2004 09:34:47 PM
Whoa, that last comment was me. I failed to see the fatal flaw in my plan to post a real-life-related comment, again, much like Slattery. Relevance!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.132
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 02/17/2004 03:50:10 PM
That story made me cry. Hilarious!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.146.240.99
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 02/17/2004 08:08:52 PM
How many ounces are in an assload? Damn this metric system.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.141.235.239
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 02/17/2004 10:45:24 PM
Let's just hope Slattery doesn't ever open the door to parallel universe and upset the fragile balance of the multiverse.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Laura
EMAIL: lk_51585@hotmail.com
IP: 141.213.191.80
URL: http://www.lauraunleashed.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/19/2004 03:16:57 PM

Totally freakin hilarious. I love how we're all analyzing the clearly disclaimer-defined "amazingly bad science fiction". I give it an A+.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/23/2004 01:06:20 PM
I think every science fiction story should end with the narrator calling the main character a dumbass.

Mystery Song of Horror
02/17/2004 01:51:08 AM

Go on...If You Dare.... [3.5 MB MP3]

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: KateMonkey
EMAIL: katemonkey@digitalcandy.net
IP: 62.254.0.38
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com
DATE: 02/17/2004 03:26:19 AM
I don't think there are words to describe how absolutely bloody amazing that is.

I bow before you and your bizarre-cover-finding skills.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rob E.
EMAIL: robe05@sprynet.com
IP: 152.1.24.136
URL: http://home.sprynet.com/~robe05/weblog/
DATE: 02/17/2004 07:58:48 AM
I agree. No words. Except.

Wow.

Not since the Cardigans covered Iron Man...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 66.126.169.16
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 02/17/2004 08:52:29 AM
my new favorite song!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jeffrey
EMAIL: jeffrey@thestructuralist.com
IP: 216.204.40.5
URL: http://happierman.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/17/2004 09:56:45 AM
Wow! This is like what would happen if you crossed Metallica with Pat Boone!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Bill
EMAIL: bill@billbarol.com
IP: 68.65.200.211
URL: http://blather.typepad.com
DATE: 02/17/2004 10:52:13 AM
swingin', baby! I'm planning on "sleeping with one eye open" from now on myself. well, maybe not "planning on it" as much as "unable to avoid it."

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 66.126.169.16
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 02/17/2004 02:16:26 PM
Boone's rendition of "Holy Diver" is of course, the best.

Also I totally purchased this for my grandma years ago. I'm not kidding!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: curz
EMAIL: capriporn@hotmail.com
IP: 67.73.15.106
URL:
DATE: 02/17/2004 04:36:15 PM
lol that is sooo lame! haha..it's not even scary..

circus peanut.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbness
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.125.87.107
URL:
DATE: 02/17/2004 06:55:52 PM
the freakiest part is on, on my playlist, that came on right after the metallica version.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.146.240.99
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 02/17/2004 08:25:46 PM
And yet... here I am downloading it and listening to it. Such a sucker.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Xkot
EMAIL: xkot@xkot.net
IP: 68.218.144.53
URL: http://www.xkot.net
DATE: 02/18/2004 03:10:07 AM
I dig.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Joel
EMAIL: joel@joelswift.com
IP: 66.25.5.4
URL: http://www.joelswift.com
DATE: 02/18/2004 08:50:50 PM
You are *so* money.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tommy
EMAIL:
IP: 12.222.108.140
URL:
DATE: 02/19/2004 06:09:04 AM
C'mon! Everybody knows Richard Cheese. Lounge Against The Machine was the greatest!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: eve
EMAIL:
IP: 24.152.137.247
URL: http://www.mischiefgurl.com
DATE: 02/21/2004 12:24:07 AM
LOL! I so forgot how fabulous this whole album is! I'm going to have to drag it out again.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Burnt Fuse
EMAIL: admin@burnt-fuse.com
IP: 24.205.200.35
URL: http://www.burnt-fuse.com/weblog/
DATE: 02/22/2004 06:19:33 PM
Oh lord.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 03/04/2004 10:23:08 AM
I actually already had this one. My favorite cover of his has to be "Crazy Train". Clearly, I am out on a day pass.

Somewhere, a Guy Who Just Spent 50 Hours Editing a 30-Second Lipstick Commercial Is Crying
02/24/2004 11:25:58 AM

[ 595k Windows Media Player ]

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: KateMonkey
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 80.4.128.61
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com/
DATE: 02/24/2004 12:01:56 PM
Joel Veitch is my fuckin' hero.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sara
EMAIL: miabuna@yahoo.com
IP: 68.14.13.164
URL: http://cornsmut.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/24/2004 01:02:37 PM
Thank you for posting this! When I saw that ad, I seriously thought I might have imagined the whole thing! This proves I'm not going nuts. Oh, well, maybe not that exactly, but it does prove that the ad was real!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/24/2004 01:50:29 PM
Finally, advertisers have realized that you can sell a product by giving the people what they want: freakishly surreal Internet cartoons and sammiches.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 02/24/2004 01:53:16 PM
"They got a pepper barrrrr!"

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 02/24/2004 03:12:09 PM
we're all hep to the original here, right? It is by Mr. V and his bro.

I once dug up lyrics and chords.

Hm, a cover fest should ensue. GarageBand, anyone?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL:
IP: 4.35.145.184
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/sandra
DATE: 02/24/2004 04:26:10 PM
Dang, that is nasty. I bet it caught on like wildfire. Even if you're horrified, it really sticks in your mind. I can't believe the rocks Quiznos has!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chinh
EMAIL: chinh@chinh.org
IP: 69.22.9.100
URL: http://www.chinh.org
DATE: 02/24/2004 10:28:01 PM
That ad makes me sick. Them things are NASTY. So are you getting free subs or what for helping them promote... eh? eh? eh?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 02/24/2004 10:49:33 PM
and they are called 'spongemonkeys'!

they are the most kawaii.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/25/2004 07:03:24 AM
June straight up stole my comment. I'm screaming "THEY GOT A PEPPER BAR" in my sleep now.

I hate Quizno's and now I have to eat that dried-out crap everyday, just to give props.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Pete
EMAIL: deucepm@further-adventures.com
IP: 66.31.187.252
URL: http://www.further-adventures.com/shoot
DATE: 02/25/2004 09:41:19 AM
The only question is, when do Weebl and Bob get a pie endorsement deal?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: KateMonkey
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 62.254.0.38
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com/
DATE: 02/25/2004 10:01:59 AM
Although it's not exactly Weebl & Bob, these Anchor Dairy cows are mighty similar...

Add in Joel Veitch's work with Switch/Maestro and it seems like I can't turn around without seeing my favorite Internet secrets being blathered all over the place.

Although I demand that the Badgers get the respect they deserve!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: anniek
EMAIL:
IP: 24.8.231.156
URL:
DATE: 02/25/2004 02:25:11 PM
I wonder how many kids wake up in the middle of the night with wet beds and visions of sponge monkeys setting up a pepper bar inside their tiny, tender psyches? Years of therapy ahead!

Where are the Viking Kittens when you really need them? I need to go to a GayBar!GayBar!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: anniek
EMAIL:
IP: 24.8.231.156
URL:
DATE: 02/25/2004 02:26:08 PM
I wonder how many kids wake up in the middle of the night with wet beds and visions of sponge monkeys setting up a pepper bar inside their tiny, tender psyches? Years of therapy ahead!

Where are the Viking Kittens when you really need them? I need to go to a GayBar!GayBar!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.202.15.165
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 02/25/2004 06:13:17 PM
That's one shade shy of being totally wrong on into next week, dude.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.140.192.109
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 02/25/2004 08:42:45 PM
Wow, for someone people believe is always connected to the Internet via some kind of mental wifi, I've been missing out on all kinds of crap!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 64.252.187.208
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 02/26/2004 08:46:59 AM
A snake! A snake!

Yeah, I'm stupid, but is this a real commercial or something put together by a "fan"?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: curz
EMAIL: capriporn@hotmail.com
IP: 67.73.15.199
URL:
DATE: 02/26/2004 06:17:56 PM
they remind me of weird chinchillas that are just all uglied up in PS...idk..that commercial is weird. i've seen it tons of times while others have only seen it like once. heh.

*koff

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 02/27/2004 11:05:44 AM
It's a real commercial, and aparently, it's got the rubes in a lather.

No offense intended, it's professional term.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/27/2004 11:06:50 AM
Keely, I don't know where you live but this commercial is playing in Arizona constantly. And the one about the $1.00 off with any coupon. Same monkeys, different message. So yeah, it's real.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 64.162.19.6

URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/ DATE: 02/27/2004 05:22:47 PM
It's in heavy rotation in Northern California and every time it comes on I have to stop what I'm doing and watch it, completely awe-struck at its sheer stupid genius.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
EMAIL:
IP: 205.188.208.172
URL:
DATE: 02/29/2004 07:11:31 PM
Who'd have thought?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
EMAIL:
IP: 205.188.208.172
URL:
DATE: 02/29/2004 07:11:34 PM
Who'd have thought?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: gordon
EMAIL: gordon@yahoo.com
IP: 205.188.208.172
URL: http://www.dogsnot.net
DATE: 02/29/2004 07:12:10 PM
Who'd have thought?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@msn.com
IP: 68.136.22.24
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 03/01/2004 08:53:33 PM
I've seen these ads a few times now, and I can't really say it whets my appetite for a Quizno's sandwich! Those weird ferrets are kinda ugly!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 64.252.187.208
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 03/02/2004 08:24:45 AM
Estella, I'm in New England. We have no Quiznoses!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 03/02/2004 10:45:18 PM
wow! 25 comments and still going strong!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/03/2004 01:01:46 PM
Keely-- you're not missing anything.
The pepper bar is pretty cool, though. If you're into... peppers.

Um, B²?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 64.162.19.6
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 03/03/2004 04:16:00 PM
A friend of mine has suggested their soups are weak. I had a Quizno's sub once and found it to be not bad, but not great.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chinh
EMAIL: chinh@chinh.org
IP: 69.22.9.100
URL: http://www.chinh.org
DATE: 03/03/2004 04:35:15 PM
(waiting for new post)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/04/2004 05:31:49 PM
Who goes into a sub place and bitches about the soup? That's like bitching about the sirloin when you're at a crab shack in Boston.

B²? Email me. Immediately.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@msn.com
IP: 68.136.22.230
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 03/04/2004 08:35:20 PM
You know who has nasty-ass soups? AM/PM Minimarket! Bleagh.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Enigma
EMAIL: engimaREMOVENOSPAM@the-enigma.net
IP: 68.81.172.42
URL: http://www.the-enigma.net/blog
DATE: 03/05/2004 10:42:31 AM
i loathe those commercials. i mean loathe. 2 flat rats do not make me want to try quiznos. i actually talked to some quiznos chain owners who said they don't put out any promo material with those rats on them because they received complaints from customers. they've complained about them, but nothing has happened.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 03/06/2004 11:44:28 AM
that's funny, I went into a Quizno's for the first time last week specifically to see if they had tee shirts. They did not.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Kaspar Rottwanger
EMAIL: ashcroft@hotguys.com
IP: 165.121.32.107
URL:
DATE: 03/06/2004 05:54:30 PM
I believe we are being exposed to nothing more than a dress rehearsal for the announcement of lifeforms on Mars -

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 03/06/2004 09:41:33 PM
We love the probes

cos they are shiny and have many wheels

We love the probes

cos they drill and scratch and probe and poke

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.48
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 03/06/2004 11:38:25 PM
I'd just like to say at this point that it is truly amazing, and in the saddest way possible, that there are 35 comments on this entry.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.168.236.21
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 03/07/2004 11:28:50 AM
It's a testament to your ability to have a middle finger on the pulse of popular culture, B. Those sub commercials touched some visceral nerve in all of us and you brought that to light. Kudos.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Daley
EMAIL:
IP: 63.162.134.219
URL:
DATE: 03/08/2004 08:43:07 PM
I'm scared. Those things are a little too strange, even for me.

And there actually at least one Quiznos in New England now - I'm in Boston, and I saw one the other day.

Bakiwop '04
03/06/2004 11:36:36 PM

Dear God Damn Diary has thus far refrained from endorsing any particular candidate for President, but I'd like to speak out now in support of Bakiwop. Not only is Bakiwop strong on issues (he is staunchly pro-issue), but he has taken a courageous stand against crime. I believe Bakiwop is the man who can build a bridge to the 21st century, the need for which is truly pressing since it is already the 21st century. Bakiwop in 2004.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.168.236.21
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 03/07/2004 11:35:18 AM
He's got my vote, but who is he running with?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/07/2004 08:00:53 PM
fantastic site! i'd vote him just for the baby kissing!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 209.242.228.11
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 03/08/2004 11:27:04 AM
I officially thank B2 for voting for me before he actually votes and officially declare B2 to be my running mate without even asking him beforehand - just because that's the kind of can-do, take-charge, go-to guy I am.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 64.162.19.6
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 03/08/2004 02:50:41 PM
Wait... you're a guy?

The Heat Will Rock You
03/07/2004 12:08:45 AM

Push it to the limit

Walk along the razor's edge
But don't look down, just keep your head
And you'll be finished

Open up the limit
Past the point of no return
You've reached the top but still you gotta learn
How to keep it

Hit the wheel and double the stakes
Throttle wide open like a bat out of hell
And you crash the gates

Going for the back of beyond
Nothing gonna stop you
There's nothing that strong
So close now you're nearly at the brink
So, push it

Welcome to the limit
Take it maybe one step more
The power game's still playing so
You better win it

Push it to the limit
With no one left to stand in your way
You might get careless, but you'll never be safe
While you still feel it

Welcome to the limit
Standing on the razor's edge
Don't look down just keep your head
And you'll be finished

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: curz
EMAIL: capriporn@hotmail.com
IP: 67.73.24.163
URL:
DATE: 03/07/2004 01:19:16 AM
what's this madness?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 24.13.112.142
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 03/07/2004 01:27:11 AM
I swear by fhqwhgads that that song and graphic are totally to the limit! (Except that bizarre synth harpsichord interlude at 1:41.)

I feel like I'm entering some sort of Danger Zone.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.160.142.89
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 03/07/2004 10:55:27 AM
Apparently "pushing it to the limit" involves cracking a whip? Or are they banging garbage lids? I can't tell.

In any case, I want to have that picture tattooed on my back.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.168.236.21
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 03/07/2004 11:39:04 AM
This needs to stop.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 68.42.114.87
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 03/07/2004 06:56:45 PM
Over there on the left, on that list? I think it's mean to say a page is updated! when it's not. Mean.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.48
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 03/07/2004 07:00:52 PM
I actually did update the page, but then decided I hated it and de-updated it, but the page still shows as updated. Tossed salads and scrambled eggs....

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.79.99
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/07/2004 10:27:15 PM
Sounds like something David Hasselhoff would sing.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
EMAIL:
IP: 24.211.54.186
URL:
DATE: 03/30/2004 08:52:45 AM
Imagine my surprise and delight when I heard this song twice this week. A Scarface montage featuring lots of limit pushing, and Cartman also did a "becoming a Special Olympics contender" montage to "Take it to the Limit."

Welcome to the Limit
03/07/2004 10:38:29 PM

Having successfully pushed it to the limit, Paul wasn't sure where to go from there. He had successfully traversed the razor's edge, crashed the gates like a bat out of hell...how many men could say the same? Could boast of having not only reached the limit, but taken it a step further than anyone in his right mind would dare? That was something to be proud of, something he could keep with him for the rest of his life.

Yet, uncertainty hung like a cloud over Paul's head. He had been so focused on winning the power game that, now that there was no one left to stand in his way, he found himself in an odd sort of vacuum, like the void left by a receding wave.

As he often did in moments of spiritual crisis, Paul consulted the Tao Te Ching for some hint as to his next move. His eyes fell on a passage that had always inspired him in the past:

The Way is limitless,
So nature is limitless,
So the world is limitless,
And so I am limitless.

Perhaps there was no limit after all. At least, none that would bear any fruit other than discontent and spiritual cacophony. Wasn't the "limit" merely an abstraction, in any case? And could not such abstractions, in defining existence, also restrict its true potential, reduce the mysteries of the universe to a mere Darwinian struggle for survival? Paul's doubts were amplified by this thought. Was his quest to take it to the limit an ultimately fruitless one? One that had consumed his mind and soul to the exclusion of spiritual harmony?

Had he come all the way to the brink, to the very edge, only to find nothing but his own questing gaze staring back at him?

Paul felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to find Corinne regarding him with a mixture of apprehension and concern. "Paul?" she said tentatively. "Are you...all right?"

Paul nodded. He searched for a response that would not come, settled for pouring them both a drink.

"Giorgio called me last night." Corinne said, accepting a glass of Chivas Regal. "He...told me you had pushed it to the limit. Is that true?"

"Yeah." Paul had expected to savor this moment of recognition, but the victory felt hollow now, almost pointless. A sour, impotent anger surged up inside him, and he spoke more forcefully than he'd intended. "Yeah...I took it to the limit, baby. I hit it and just kept going."

Corinne seemed to pale at his words. "God...I...well, that's amazing, Paul," she murmured, sipping her Chivas.

"I guess," Paul muttered. Corinne was a beautiful, intelligent woman, but she would never understand what it was to open up the throttle and not only hit the wheel but double the stakes. No, he had reached a level that someone like Corinne, in her safe, sheltered world, could barely comprehend. Paul would have handle her with caution -- he couldn't be careless, now, when he was still in it, so close to the brink. He downed his drink in one savage gulp and turned to stare out the window.

"So where do you go from here, Paul?" Corinne asked. Was there reproof in her tone? A sliver of icy petulance? "Now that you've pushed it to the limit, what's next?"

"I don't know, baby," Paul replied, shaking his head slowly. "I don't know."

Somewhere out in the fading light of the day, a dog howled disconsolately.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 64.162.19.6
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 03/08/2004 02:53:04 PM
Oh Paul. When will you learn that it is not that elusive "limit" but rather the road and sign posts along the way that yield the most powerful lessons and richest rewards?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.148.38.147
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 03/08/2004 09:38:03 PM
This is brilliant. My favorite line:

"He...told me you had pushed it to the limit. Is that true?"

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.79.99
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/08/2004 10:01:29 PM
Personally, I think he should not look down and keep his head, and he'll be finished.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 64.162.19.6
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm
DATE: 03/09/2004 10:57:49 AM
True, "pushing the limit" has its own inherent flaws, but imagine how much worse Paul would've felt had he gone "over the top".

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.93
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 03/09/2004 04:59:14 PM
Somewhere out in the fading light of the day, a dog howled disconsolately.

You are true comic genius. This is gold! To the limit!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/09/2004 05:48:10 PM
ha ha ha...that is just hilarious! oh boy.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 65.243.230.82
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 03/09/2004 08:46:18 PM
I'm sending Paul a hand-embroidered wallhanging of Robt. Frost's "The Road Not Taken." It's so deep (like Paul, at the limit) you can only shake your head and say, "Damn, baby. Damn."

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 65.243.230.82
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 03/09/2004 08:49:01 PM
Uh oh -- I just thought of something terrible -- is "pushing it to the limit" a euphemism for, like, a bachelor having to go buy another box of Kleenex? Uh oh.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/11/2004 02:32:04 PM
I love you.

And your sea creature picture is going to be my guest page header.

198
03/12/2004 08:34:36 AM

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.... The chain reaction of evil -- hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: ezrael
EMAIL: ezrael@onebox.com
IP: 4.47.128.158
URL:
DATE: 03/12/2004 11:48:09 AM
You know, I actually feel guilty about this one, as if it wouldn't have happened if Spain hadn't been our ally. I hate that feeling.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.51
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 03/12/2004 03:41:44 PM
So sad. :-(

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/14/2004 05:43:07 PM
they had really graphic photos splashed all over the chinese newspapers here...as if it was some sort of display. how disgusting and how horrifying.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@msn.com
IP: 68.136.22.33
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 03/15/2004 08:58:13 PM
Wasn't one of the perks of being part of the alliance with the U.S.to get some help and protection from these attacks?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.103
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 03/16/2004 03:26:10 PM
Maybe one of the "perks" was to become a target for attacks.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 03/16/2004 11:22:53 PM
I can't describe how much these terrorists disgust me. My heart goes out to the Spain right now. I know that there is a lot of talk about Spain being a target because it is part of the coalition, but we also have to remember that Spain has a long history with Islam. For almost 800 years Spain was part of a Muslim empire until it was handed over to King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella, not to mention that after 9/11 Spain was also at the forefront of arresting Al Qaeda operatives in Spain. I'm no expert on any of this, but I think it goes much deeper than Spain being part of the coalition in Iraq. In my opinion this attack is just the latest wake up call that everyone is vunerable. And the fact that they chose the week before elections for the attack, which later swayed voters to vote for a candidate that didn't support the coalition, is just scarey in the sense that the terrorist may use this same tactic to try and force the change of ruling parties in up coming elections in other countries. Just my thoughts...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Kim
EMAIL: paige66139@hotmail.com
IP: 68.52.98.17
URL: http://www.learningasigo.com
DATE: 03/18/2004 08:32:27 AM
This quote works on so many levels right now: Spain, Iraq, even the hatred over gay marriage. I love how a quote from one of the most important movements of our existence transcends to current day and holds just as much importance.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbness
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.124.167.41
URL:
DATE: 03/20/2004 11:23:50 PM
you know what b...

no play for mister gray.

The Comedy Stylings of George W. Bush
03/26/2004 05:24:26 AM

President Bush poked fun at...himself Wednesday night at a black-tie dinner where he hobnobbed with the news media.

There was Bush looking under furniture in a fruitless, frustrating search. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere," he said.>

Predictably, the left-wing liberal loonies are out in force, protesting this harmless bit of levity from our President. "I just don't see much humor in sending a country to war and sending 590 U.S. soldiers to their deaths based on that bad intelligence he's joking about," whine these bleeding-heart wet blankets.

Come on, people, where's your sense of humor? Not only is George W. Bush one of the greatest Presidents in U.S. history, but as he demonstrated the other evening, he's also funnier than hell! He's like Howard Stern with nuclear first-strike capability! In fact, I think he should take his standup act on the road as part of his campaign. With material like this, frumpy old John Kerry doesn't stand a chance!

- - - - - - - - --

"My advisers informed me this morning that we've spent over $107 billion on Iraq. I couldn't believe it. I said, '$107 billion for a rock? How much for the whole damn country?'"

The Comedy Stylings of Dubya

- - - - - - - - - -

"We're losing hundreds of our boys in Iraq to suicide bombers. Can't say I blame 'em, though. Have you seen their women? If I had to wake up to a two-eyed shower curtain every morning, I'd wanna blow myself up, too!"

- - - - - - - - - -

"A reporter asked me today what I thought about Richard Clarke's testimony that I did nothing to stop al-Qaida before 9/11 despite repeated warnings. I was like, 'Damn, I didn't even know Dick Clark was still alive!'"

The Comedy Stylings of Dubya

- - - - - - - - - -

"I was in a diner the other day and tried to flirt with the waitress. She told me, 'I don't care if you are the President, you look like a chimp and I wouldn't sleep with you in a million years!' I said to her, 'Honey, with my massive tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% of Americans, I've already screwed you six ways to Sunday!'"

The Comedy Stylings of Dubya

- - - - - - - - - -

"Who are the geniuses who came up with '9/11' anyway? It sounds too much like '9-1-1.' I hear al-Qaida's gonna bomb us again on April 11th--with phone books! Get it? 4/11, 4-1-1, information? Boy, this room is deader than Ground Zero."

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.165
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 03/26/2004 08:00:21 AM
Comedy gold! He should lead the new Rat Pack.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 67.124.104.92
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 03/26/2004 08:25:25 AM
oh. my. god. hee!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 03/26/2004 08:54:39 AM
Dude, WHERE did you find that picture of Georgie at the top? It's like the most unflattering picture ever taken of anyone, anywhere. It rocks.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jadedju
EMAIL: jadedju@ninewire.net
IP: 66.248.85.160
URL: http://jadedju.com
DATE: 03/26/2004 10:22:17 AM
GW really knows how to rawk 'da house! If he goes on a comedy tour, does that mean we can have someone competent take over?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Miss A
EMAIL:
IP: 68.148.27.75
URL: http://missanthropy.org/
DATE: 03/26/2004 10:30:22 AM
I worship you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 209.242.228.11
URL:
DATE: 03/26/2004 10:56:33 AM
damn funny stuff.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL:
IP: 4.35.144.51
URL: http://
DATE: 03/26/2004 10:57:32 AM

Whoa. Desperation is truly a sad thing. I'm amazed they are smart enough to realize the IQ level that they appeal to most, though.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 172.170.175.57
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 03/26/2004 05:39:10 PM
Your post = really funny.

Bush joking about WMDs = really creepy.

B² = genius.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike whybark
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 64.105.84.206
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 03/26/2004 10:02:00 PM
Genius. I laughed; I cried. Then I cried some more.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Serenity
EMAIL: serenity@serenitysjournal.com
IP: 66.119.34.39
URL: http://www.serenitysjournal.com
DATE: 03/27/2004 01:52:37 PM
While I really like President Bush, I have to admit, that photo at the top is hilarious!

Actually, the entire post was hysterical.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chinh
EMAIL: chinh@chinh.org
IP: 69.22.9.100
URL: http://www.chinh.org
DATE: 03/28/2004 06:49:02 PM
too true. So that means you're voting for Bush.... no? ;-)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/28/2004 08:32:05 PM
that is bloody hilarious!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: aboutJane
EMAIL:
IP: 212.133.56.66
URL:
DATE: 03/29/2004 12:34:23 AM
See what can be accomplished with a C-average at University! I guess he focused on class clown.

Great Post!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 209.246.244.1
URL: http://groovebunny@diaryland.com
DATE: 03/30/2004 10:03:23 AM
Hilarious! I bow to you! :D

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: woojay
EMAIL: me@woojay.net
IP: 68.154.11.208
URL: http://blog.woojay.net
DATE: 03/30/2004 09:56:54 PM
LOL this is pretty damned funny! At first I was wondering if he really said these, then I realized he wouldn't be smart enough to think of these himself.

Public Service Blogging
03/30/2004 02:35:55 AM

Due to a deeply assclownish denial of service attack on my web host yesterday, I wasn't able to upload my Monday Mix-Tape. Apologies to everyone who, I'm sure, was looking forward to more cheesy 80's/90's mp3s. In lieu of that and/or any other original content, here's an old entry that doesn't exist in my archives.

who+was+king+harod

King Harod (also known as King Herod the Other), ruler of the ancient kingdom of Cremora, is often confused with King Herod the Great, king of Judaea in ancient times. This similarity plagued Harod throughout his reign, as emissaries from neighboring kingdoms would often visit Harod's court, then immediately leave when they realized that they had come to the wrong kingdom. Harod would also receive messages and correspondence from various nations that was inadvertently sent to him instead of King Herod the Great, and would have to forward these messages on to the correct address at his own expense.

This situation came to a head in 72 B.C.E. when the general of the Parthian army, ordered to wage war on Herod the Great, accidentally directed his forces to Harod's kingdom instead. Nearly half the country was reduced to rubble before the error was brought to light. Subsequently, Harod the Other petitioned Herod for reparations, but was rebuffed (an incident movingly dramatized in the 1998 film The Big Lebowski). Harod then brought a lawsuit against Herod the Great, claiming trademark infringement, but lost his case on appeal and as a consequence was forced to rename himself King Harod the Non-Herod the Great.

Harod reigned for another thirty years, complaining bitterly about his defeat, until 42 B.C.E. when the Roman Emperor Claudius grew tired of hearing his constant bitching and had Harod beheaded.

See also Cremora, Whiny Bitches.

Wellbutrin Comix IV
03/31/2004 03:00:37 AM

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: KateMonkey
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 62.254.0.38
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com/
DATE: 03/31/2004 04:51:05 AM
HOW DID YOU SPY INTO MY LIFE???????

(and I'm not even on wellbutrin!)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.145.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 03/31/2004 04:53:47 AM
Honestly -- what was up with that??

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the beans
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com
IP: 68.83.69.57
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 03/31/2004 08:42:47 AM
I think it's pretty clear that Snape was enamored of Lily, but it's hard to say how far it went... ;)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.148.4
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 03/31/2004 01:17:44 PM
I agree with the school of thought that says Lily was the real reason for the enmity between James Potter and Snape. I think it's also why Snape seems to have this weird hate/protect thing going with Harry. Harry is a constant reminder of his hated rival, but also the son of the woman he loved. Man, I could go on all day with this stuff.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: ezrael
EMAIL: ezrael@onebox.com
IP: 4.47.128.158
URL:
DATE: 04/02/2004 12:50:42 PM
I don't understand why you'd assume that Harry was the son of Snape's hated rival. The possibility for another answer is staring right at you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.150.63
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/02/2004 02:37:57 PM
I don't really subscribe to the "Harry is the son of [someone besides Lily and James Potter]" theories, if that's what you mean. I'm not saying it isn't possible, just that I haven't seen persuasive evidence. Or are you saying that James Potter was something other than a hated rival? What are you saying????

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: KateMonkey
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 62.254.0.38
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com/
DATE: 04/02/2004 03:56:19 PM
Dude, obviously, Harry is the lovechild of time-travelling Ron-Weasley-who-becomes-Dumbledore and Lily Evans, who, after her death, is reincarnated as Ginny Weasley.

Which explains his inabilty to do anything but play Quidditch and get into trouble -- he's INBRED!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the beans
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com
IP: 68.83.69.57
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 04/03/2004 10:17:45 AM
I'm with B^2. There's no basis for suggesting that Snape is actually Harry's father... But KateMonkey's theory has some persuasive elements to it!

Ill-Advised April Fool's Gags
04/01/2004 04:40:21 AM

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.167.27.6
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 04/01/2004 08:17:31 AM
All excellent servings of tomfoolery! The guy in the second panel of the second column seems to have gone to some effort to actually look his part.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 04/01/2004 09:05:42 AM
B, you are one twisted fucker. And for the record, it burns when you shoot coffee out of both nostrils.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jeffrey
EMAIL: jeffrey@thestructuralist.com
IP: 216.204.40.2
URL: http://happierman.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/01/2004 01:00:36 PM
"I love you.... April Fools! Hahhahahaha! Just kidding... hahahahaha"

(i'm so lonely)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/02/2004 10:59:24 AM
Perfect.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL:
IP: 4.35.149.215
URL: http://
DATE: 04/05/2004 07:53:00 PM
Why does Martha have a dildo?

Kick it Real Style with Steven Woodworth
04/02/2004 01:35:52 AM

Hey homies, Steven Woodworth in the hizzouse. I'm just chillin' in my crib tonight, straight cold kickin' it with a forty...and one cup. That's right, Steven "Woody Mack" Woodworth is flying solo, and Tha Mack is not too happy about that. It's like I've always said, "To Live is to Love." And when I'm not loving...I'm not living.

Let me kick it real style for a moment if I may. Let me address this entry to a special lady out there...somewhere...a lady who was once in my life but is there no longer. You know who you are.

Baby, when you left the Woody Mack you flew away on wings that were once broken, that I healed with my loving care. You flew away from me, into the arms of another. And I am not bitter about that, baby. We all have to find our happiness wherever we can. Sometimes people grow apart. As you can see, I have grown, as well, leaving behind the namby pamby man-child that once you knew. The new Steven Woodworth...Woody Mack...is a playa pimp who can work game to an extent that playa haters like yourself will never understand.

Once upon a love, I gave you a heart-shaped box...that was my heart. Inside was a rock and a feather. Do you remember that? "The rock is me," I said. "The feather is you."

"Fly," I said. "Let me be constant and steady. Let us hold it all in one heart. Let us balance each other."

But I am no longer that rock. I am something so much more now. I wish you all the happiness in the world, but know that my own world is so much more mackadocious in your absence than you could possibly imagine.

I am not the rock. But I am the shiznit. I am the Mack.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike whybark
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 04/02/2004 09:10:59 AM
B^2, you are a genius.

"who can work game to an extent that playa haters like yourself will never understand"

that is clearly superfly.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/02/2004 10:42:20 AM
Dear Steve,

Stop ordering the stuff advertised to you in Spam Mail with asterisks between the letters. It will be for the best, I promise.

Sincerely,

Sherri

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.167.27.6
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 04/02/2004 11:42:41 AM
I can already picture the Woody Mack buying himself pants a few sizes too large at JC Penney.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL:
IP: 4.35.147.196
URL: http://
DATE: 04/02/2004 12:45:52 PM
Say it ain't so, Steven! Er, Woody Mack!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 209.246.244.1
URL: http://groovebunny@diaryland.com
DATE: 04/02/2004 01:11:58 PM
Mackadocious! Tres fly Woody Mackness.:)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.196.137.133
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 04/02/2004 06:01:38 PM
The transition from adulthood lucidity into geriatric senility will be a smooth one for B.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 04/03/2004 02:26:17 PM
I think I dated that guy.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.21
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 04/05/2004 08:07:40 AM
Fear Mack the Knife, for he is the shiznit.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tim
EMAIL: barounis@ameritech.net
IP: 68.20.29.64
URL: http://www.timbarounis.com/blog/blogger.html
DATE: 04/29/2004 12:17:05 PM
I am inspired.

10 Groovy Soundtrack Tunes
04/05/2004 07:27:28 AM

All files are MP3s and will be taken offline within 24-48 hours.

And if you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it. I didn't even include any Amazon referrer crap, so you know my intentions are pure.

• • •

1. John Taylor, "I Do What I Do" (9.5 Weeks)

2. Yann Tiersen, "La Valse d'Amélie" (Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain)

3. Yoko Kanno, "Memory of the Times" (Please Save My Earth)

4. Kevin Shields, "City Girl" (Lost in Translation)

5. Moulin Rouge Soundtrack, "Hindi Sad Diamonds" (Moulin Rouge)

6. Shiro Sagisu, "A Cruel Angel's Thesis" (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

7. The Folksmen, "Never Did No Wanderin'" (A Mighty Wind)

8. Mitch & Mickey, "When You're Next To Me" (A Mighty Wind)

9. Hitomi, "Over The Sky" (Last Exile)

10. Ranma 1/2 Soundtrack, "Ja Ja Uma Sasenaide (Don't Make Me Wild Like You)" (Ranma 1/2)

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 04/05/2004 09:38:38 AM
When You're Next To Me is one of my FAVES! Thanks B!!!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.147.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/05/2004 09:41:26 AM
Mitch & Mickey are awesome! I also wanted to post "Kiss At The End Of The Rainbow," but with two Mighty Wind songs up there already, it would have been unseemly.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 04/05/2004 09:58:30 AM
I'm glad you went with this one. I like the Kiss song, but didn't it get enough props being nominated? When You're Next to Me is a great song. Now I'ma have to buy the damn soundtrack. Thanks ALOT!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 04/05/2004 10:03:10 AM
Hello, what's this? Music sharing increasing record sales? Uncanny!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.147.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/05/2004 10:08:52 AM
It was nominated? God, I am so out of the cultural loop. Anyway, yeah -- if y'all like these songs, buy the albums! That is, if there is any chance that the albums themselves won't suck ass. I'll fully admit to having the John Taylor track with no intention of buying the 9 1/2 Weeks soundtrack. On the other hand, how can you hear "La Valse d'Amélie" without immediately purchasing the entire album?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.147.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/05/2004 10:19:04 AM
You guys gave me a good idea -- the tracks now include a link to Amazon where you can purchase the associated album.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/05/2004 11:03:09 AM
Hey, B, I would not begrudge you the $.02 you'd make per referal from Amazon, you know. Considering how many webloggers have amazon or paypal "please give me money" buttons up -- and have people respond in a true act of putting your money where your mouth is -- I see taking advantage of means to buy yourself a burrito as perfectly pure :>

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 68.252.231.38
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com
DATE: 04/05/2004 11:57:20 AM
I would just like to point out that, thanks to the A Mighty Wind Songbook, I can play a majority of the songs from the AMW soundtrack ... on the ukulele. Thank you.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: gene
EMAIL: spinward@Hotmail.com
IP: 63.136.96.13
URL: http://www.somethingoutofnothing.net
DATE: 04/05/2004 01:14:59 PM
Good call on the Mitch & Mickey - I think that's the best song in that film. I'm surprised they didn't use it more, but the DVD sort of rectifies the problem. Sort of.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 64.162.19.6
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 04/05/2004 04:28:34 PM
No Nirvana!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rob E.
EMAIL: robe05@sprynet.com
IP: 152.1.24.136
URL: http://home.sprynet.com/~robe05/weblog/
DATE: 04/06/2004 05:34:50 AM
Study says downloading doesn't hurt sales In case anyone is interested. Probably not the last word on the subject, but interesting none-the-less.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.147.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/06/2004 05:45:50 AM
Rob: Well, I for one have not stopped buying music as a result of MP3s...actually, my music purchases have increased in recent years, though I don't know if this has anything to do with MP3s either...except that I'm more likely to buy new albums since I can rip the CD to play on iTunes and then sell it to someone else. I know this horrifies some, but I really don't care about liner notes after the first read.

Tom: I shall not acknowledge Kurt Cobain on this site, for personal reasons.

Smivey, We Hardly Knew Ye
04/06/2004 12:48:39 AM

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Ms Lauren
EMAIL: web@feministe.us
IP: 128.211.128.90
URL: http://feministe.us/blog/
DATE: 04/06/2004 07:36:52 AM
Sorry, but midis are straight fucked up.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.147.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/06/2004 07:58:32 AM
Hey, at least I didn't make it autoplay -- or, like, hide the damn controller, which is fucked up beyond belief!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BoyKani
EMAIL: darren_kani@yahoo.com
IP: 67.170.223.108
URL:
DATE: 04/06/2004 08:14:10 PM
Midi's kick ass. But not as much ass as Mr. Smivey. Or sad hobo clowns.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.79.99
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 06:25:43 AM
Thanks, B. Not many of us have the stamina that you have. When I clicked to play that midi file, I expected that dance song "Please Don't Go." Remember that? But I like your choice better. *sniff* I promised myself I wasn't going to cry.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.147.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/07/2004 07:09:52 AM
I'm manfully restraining my own tears.

Did You Know???
04/07/2004 04:09:07 PM

• Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia!

• It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

• No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!

• Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone!

• It is against the law to commit armed robbery in Sheboygan, Wisconsin!

• One out of every four Americans can touch their butt with their tongue!

• In some parts of the world, cat urine is considered a god!

• The only 20-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "rtyuiopqweskhbmnxzld"!

• The most popular first name in the world is "Dirty Dingus Magee"!

• An average of 250 people a year choke to death from sheer disgust!

• The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, yet is merely a stupid, puny bug that is easily crushed by the weakest human being!

• The inventor of the Popsicle, Frank Epperson, died of frostbite, with a wooden tongue depressor lodged in his rectum!

• You are more likely to be killed by a pint of nitroglycerin in a blender than by a shower of cotton balls!

• If you yelled continuously for 9 years, 7 months and 28 days, you would have wasted nearly a decade of your life!

• Bengal tigers are the only mammals known to science that lack any sense of propriety!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 04:24:56 PM
All over the Internet I sense the minds of elementary school children looking for science report fodder going "click"

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 04:53:04 PM
And the second most popular name is "Joey Joe Joe Shabadoo".

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: not melly
EMAIL: notjezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://notordinarymorning.net
DATE: 04/07/2004 05:47:42 PM
I'm not ever going to admit that I started folding a paper towel in my head.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: not melly
EMAIL: notjezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://notordinarymorning.net
DATE: 04/07/2004 05:49:28 PM
Never. Never going to admit ...

Leave me alone.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.147.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/07/2004 05:54:23 PM
It's OK, Melly...just let it out. You are among friends here.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jeffrey
EMAIL: jeffrey@thestructuralist.com
IP: 216.204.40.2
URL: http://happierman.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 05:56:28 PM
God bless Frank Sinatra and his powerful role in Dirty Dingus Magee (the most pr0n-sounding, non-pr0n film ever).

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.79.99
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 09:33:47 PM
Ah, another classic. How do you do it?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.147.237
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/07/2004 09:40:13 PM
Wellbutrin -- and lots of it!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 09:45:14 PM
he heh heh heh

heh ewh heh hej

Fuck

I can't stop the chucklin!

----- COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 172.197.247.93
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 10:01:31 PM
that got a double-snort laugh out of me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 10:26:11 PM
And the moral of Frank Epperson's death is never play in the snow with a wooden tongue depressor up your but, ya know...just in case you freeze to death. And I just have to say, being able to touch your nipples with your tongue is one thing, but your butt? Who in the world would even try???

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Debbie
EMAIL: heatmizr66@loverbunny.com
IP: 12.220.181.69
URL: http://www.boredbutbusy.com
DATE: 04/08/2004 06:47:26 PM
Yeah, I knew all that stuff. But, did YOU know that certain foods, like honey for instance, will NEVER go bad unless you urinate on them?

I, the Waking
04/10/2004 08:45:36 AM

I was looking through my archives the other day for the first time in months. I don't like to look through my archives because you know, it's just asking for pain. But I realized that I've been posting a lot of jokey-joke stuff here for ages and haven't really, y'know, rapped at ya like I used to in the old days when I would write stuff late at night and there would be this whole page of just text, without a lot of gag images like this:

So I thought, damn, I should post something like that again, you know, something kind of "old school" and "last April." But in fact I've already spoiled it by posting that image above, and so once again I've made an ass out of myself. But it's okay because I'm a strong person inside and out, and I believe in me. Someday I will post something here that will be just like the most awesome, beautiful thing you have ever seen, so much so that you will cry and hug your dog or cat and then e-mail me offering me sexual favors. Which I will refuse politely since I no longer pollute my body or soul with base urges such as fornication or sodomy. In my heart I know I am right to refuse you. Even though oh my God you are so hot, at least in my imagination. But it's wrong, just like stealing cars or voting Republican is wrong, wrong! Just stop it, okay? Why is it always all or nothing with you? I think we need to have a talk about where this relationship is going. I have grown a lot in the past year and I think I am starting to feel suffocated in this relationship. No, look, I need to go. Okay? I need to think. Just give me some space. I'll figure it out. Thank you. Look, you know I love you. I just...I don't know, sometimes it's difficult. Y'know?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: filmgoerjuan
EMAIL: fgjuan@telus.net
IP: 154.5.94.215
URL: http://blog.filmgoerjuan.com/index.php
DATE: 04/10/2004 10:01:16 AM
We've been putting off this talk for a while, haven't we?

Isn't it amazing how two people can be so close and yet emotionally so distant? I can't begin to count the number of times that I've thought of saying something to you...of reaching out and shaking you out of the stupor that you've been in...instead only to smile and laugh and brush your hair away from your eyes...those deep brownish/bluish/greenish eyes (do you wear tinted contacts? If not, you may want to see an ophthalmologist).

I'll give you the space you need...the space *we* need. It's time to go to the airport of self-discovery and check in our emotional baggage. Let's hope that what we have to carry on our journey will fit under the seat in front of us.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 172.195.101.76
URL: http://realworldbloggerstyle.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/10/2004 10:02:44 AM
words from the very same man who's shared his genuis in the form of FISHER PRICE PORN and HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO A SINGLE WOMAN. (yeah, if you must know, B, I am the one rifling through your archives all the time)
*sigh*
my hero.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 04/10/2004 10:33:38 AM
http://www.deepwoods.org/ref.html

(Spotted chez The Cartoonist)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 68.6.120.138
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 04/10/2004 10:44:41 AM
Listen - no wait, LISTEN - and don't roll your eyes at me. Oh, yeah... a heavy exaggerated sigh is your prelude to EVERY conversation we have. What have we been doing? WHAT HAVE WE BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME? Look mister, I've invested too much time in this relationship for you to just -- DON'T YOU WALK AWAY -- DON'T YOU -- I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO! I NEED THIS TO WORK! I... B? B? What happened to us? Neither of us are young anymore. And I'm afraid of putting myself "back on the market." B?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jadedju
EMAIL: jadedju@ninewire.net
IP: 66.248.86.121
URL: http://jadedju.com
DATE: 04/10/2004 11:01:16 AM
*Sniffle*
I swear I was just kidding when I said that I'd kill your bunny if you didn't ask me to marry you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.151.79
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/10/2004 11:18:39 AM
You know, you guys are great but you scare me sometimes. Everyone but DVL, 'cause she's nice.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: panajane
EMAIL: panajane@hotmail.com
IP: 143.166.255.17
URL: http://panajane.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/10/2004 12:10:52 PM
But, but, I uh.... I..... I don't know what to say. It was good while it lasted, but why, baby, why? I NEED this! Don't go, no, don't.... *murderous scream and tears*.
The End.

P.s. What the hell was that?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
EMAIL:
IP: 68.161.108.211
URL:
DATE: 04/10/2004 07:36:18 PM
God damn it, you're so damn sexy when you vacillate.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 207.14.214.200
URL:
DATE: 04/11/2004 01:09:42 PM
Someday I'll email you with offers of sexual favors? Talk about last April!

:-)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the beans
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com
IP: 68.83.69.57
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 04/11/2004 05:20:37 PM
Call me...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 218.103.130.187
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/12/2004 02:33:45 AM
is an offer of sexual favours valid if posted in the comments box (not emailed)?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.23.186
URL:
DATE: 04/12/2004 07:28:03 AM
look, you absolute bastard, this baby is yours and you ARE going to be there for it!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 04/12/2004 08:57:26 AM
That image is already the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, so your work here is done.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Serenity
EMAIL: serenity@nospamserenitysjournal.com
IP: 66.25.19.216
URL: http://www.serenitysjournal.com
DATE: 04/12/2004 10:36:33 AM
Fly away little dove, go and explore. I'm not worried because I know, you'll be back.

You can't stay away, you can't get enough, you can't stop thinking about it. That strange feeling you're feeling right now? Yah, that's called luuuuuuuuurve and I know you lurve it.

You go ahead and take your space now, how cute! That's so adorable..."I need some space." Awwwww. But I know, they always come back.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 04/12/2004 04:51:36 PM
Well, if you aren't into sex anymore, it makes all that hacking kind of silly. Unless you are into watching Angel dvds?

Polkapalooza!
04/12/2004 10:53:11 AM

All files are MP3s and will be taken offline within 24-48 hours.

• • •

1. Beer Barrel Polka

2. Pennsylvania Polka

3. Happy Norwegian Polka

4. Finger Tip Polka

5. In Heaven There Is No Beer

6. Jenny Lind Polka

7. Circus Polka

8. Frankensteiner Polka

9. Clarinet Polka

10. Weird Al - Hooked On Polkas

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/12/2004 11:43:57 AM
Considering that Weird Al's parents died this weekend, I find this a fitting tribute.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 04/12/2004 11:51:16 AM
Sherri, I was just going to ask if that was in honor of Weird Al's folks. :(

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.144.109
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/12/2004 11:52:53 AM
I had actually put this together last week, so it was an odd coincidence. I was sad to read about this, though. Really awful.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Talisker
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.154.221
URL:
DATE: 04/12/2004 07:57:53 PM
But it is a nice coincidental tribute...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/12/2004 09:13:51 PM
ya just had the universal wire hook up this time around, B-man.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.162.179.149
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 04/12/2004 10:06:15 PM
Okay, this is totally blowing me away. It's been so long since I listened to polka music... in my car... with the windows down... and the bass cranked up all the way. In Heaven There Is No Beer is my favorite polka song. The "Ee I Oh" Polka is a close second.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.76.149
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/13/2004 06:36:07 AM
Cool! It's like ska, but with accordians.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: panajane
EMAIL: panajane@hotmail.com
IP: 143.166.226.18
URL: http://panajane.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/13/2004 11:12:05 AM
Dude, polka? It's like ska, or some kind of country. I can't decide wether I feel like skanking or square dancing.

The Nurturing Spider-Man, Part V
04/13/2004 12:13:45 PM

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 04/13/2004 12:58:50 PM
Haha, I just noticed that you've perfectly captured Nearly Arbitrary Dialogue Bolding...the Marvel Way!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.144.109
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/13/2004 01:02:38 PM
It's kind of like how you capitalize nouns in German!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/13/2004 03:56:14 PM
I can picture thousands of comicgeekboys staggering backwards clutching at their chests at the very thought of this... ;>

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL:
IP: 4.35.148.22
URL: http://
DATE: 04/14/2004 02:16:06 AM
Wow, what a delightful suprise to see the ass kicking threat showing up in a gen-u-ine psuedo comic!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jess
EMAIL: jess@wiw.org
IP: 128.192.31.97
URL: http://wiw.org/~jess/
DATE: 04/16/2004 08:24:04 AM
Absolutely hilarious! Great work!

40mg Daily with Meals
04/15/2004 04:05:32 PM

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 04/15/2004 04:51:10 PM
With his groundbreaking 2004 episode of Prozac Comix, "40 mg Daily with Meals," Earl Scheib catapulted himself to the Hollywood fast track, hailed as the Kubrick of daily comics. Feted from the Zen monasteries of rural Japan to the teeming barrios of Mexico City, the world waited with bated breath for Scheib's next astounding innovation...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandothers.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/15/2004 07:35:37 PM
Yeah, that's pretty much it. Amazingly articulate of you there, B.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 172.199.112.14
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 04/15/2004 09:34:04 PM

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.167.76.149
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/15/2004 10:00:21 PM
Is this where we are to laugh? Yes, let us laugh now, for we have witnessed humour.

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 69.9.99.112
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 04/18/2004 07:33:38 PM
What about the one where the guy has horrible, violent nightmares? And sweats all the time, and sleeps 14-16 hours a day, and gets this weird twitch in one leg? And once he calls a suicide hotline but the guy on the phone suggests he take a warm bath so the guy hangs up in disgust but the suicide hotline gets worried and sends four cops to his apartment? Oh man, this remake had better be as good as the 1970s original . . I read that one *every month* when I was a kid.

PSA
04/16/2004 04:45:47 AM

If you live in Southern California, take note: a UCLA geophysicist predicts a 6.4 quake will hit L.A. by September 5. The Institute of Geophysics and Planetary Physics at UCLA has accurately predicted both a 6.5 quake in central California last December an an 8.1 quake on the Japanese island of Hokkaido in September. Might be a good time to look into earthquake preparedness.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 66.237.70.170
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 04/16/2004 10:07:48 AM
2 days after my birthday... whoot! gotta get out of LA.. hmm.. i guess this year is the year i finally make it up to Bumpershoot! ;)

~~King~~ Dork of All Media
04/16/2004 12:41:12 PM

I'll be on Air America this evening, for those who might be curious to know just how dorky I sound in person. I'll be on "What Else is News?" at 4pm Pacific, 7pm Eastern. There's a live stream at the site.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com/
DATE: 04/16/2004 01:01:53 PM
Seriously? Wow! Don't forget to give a shoutout to all of us who got you where you are today. Or so help me, we'll take you down just like THAT.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 208.27.203.131
URL:
DATE: 04/16/2004 01:08:59 PM
Sweet! I am a new reader... what is it that you do?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.144.109
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/16/2004 01:32:51 PM
jima: Don't worry...I won't forget my peeps. Nor my homies.

Scott: If you mean on the show, I just did this segment where I talked about, you know, "weird, wild stuff" on the web. I think it'll be a regular thing. It was my first radio appearance ever, so I pray that anyone listening to it will do so with kindness in their hearts.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 04/16/2004 02:14:55 PM
Dood!

Alternet picked up my Punisher review, apparently. Maybe we can, you know, co-host in a year or two.

Pioneering the use of radio silence as an entertainment medium!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.110
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 04/16/2004 03:45:37 PM
Awesome! It should be on here in 15 minutes and I'm listening. Air America sounds great on dial-up, I'm amazed. Woo!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: teenagesupervillain@yahoo.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/16/2004 03:49:52 PM
Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaahh B!!

It'll air here in about five minutes. Randi Rhodes is still saying something about something.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.144.109
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:08:06 PM
Be kind, is all I can say!
-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: matthew
EMAIL:
IP: 66.84.173.242
URL:
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:19:28 PM
did i miss it? damn this confusing time zone stuff!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.144.109
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:21:50 PM
My segment isn't on yet...it'll probably be the last thing this hour!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL:
IP: 66.84.173.242
URL:
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:31:26 PM
friendter with flava?! ;)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL:
IP: 66.84.173.242
URL:
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:34:20 PM
excellent excellent excellent!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The 'Ni
EMAIL: darren_kani@yahoo.com
IP: 199.4.18.2
URL: http://www.boykani.com/weblog/weblog.htm
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:35:22 PM
Let's hear it for the Weirdsmobile plug! Woohaw!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 66.237.70.170
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:35:47 PM
that was smooooove!!!! i need me a love bird now... (xoxo)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.144.109
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:47:05 PM
Thank God they cut out the dorkier parts!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:53:04 PM
Hey, you sounded smooth and in control!

And I don't know why I've been saying this about voices so often lately, but you'd totally fit into NPR.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 04/16/2004 04:59:09 PM
B^2 for Bob Edwards!

(although, being a dork, I missed it... any captures?)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.144.109
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/16/2004 09:27:45 PM
I think any smooveness in my voice tonight was a result of my high level of medication.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.154.221
URL:
DATE: 04/16/2004 10:54:47 PM
Is there a way you could post an audio clip for us?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.144.109
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 04/17/2004 04:16:03 AM
Scott: I kinda blew it in that regard...Air America doesn't have any archived shows (yet), so I was going to try to record it on my own, but didn't have the equipment. Except, just now I realized that I have an application, Wiretap, that would have let me do it. Blah. Well, next week for sure!

Oh, and now that I've come back down a few levels from my earlier adrenaline-fueled stupor, sincere thanks to everyone who checked out the show and voiced your support.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: gene
EMAIL: spinward@Hotmail.com
IP: 63.136.96.13
URL: http://www.somethingoutofnothing.net
DATE: 04/17/2004 01:54:18 PM
Oh man. Missed it. More lead time I say!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Matthew Rossi
EMAIL: ezrael@onebox.com
IP: 4.47.128.158
URL:
DATE: 04/18/2004 01:42:57 AM
That's exceedingly cool, man. Wish I'd known about it... I'll have to check back more often.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dayment
EMAIL: dayment@daymented.com
IP: 24.18.215.186
URL: http://www.daymented.com
DATE: 04/18/2004 03:44:07 PM
Congratulations!

My Heart Could Use Some Glasses
04/19/2004 05:07:19 AM

All files are MP3s and will be taken offline within 24-48 hours.

And if you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. David Bowie, "Absolute Beginners" [album]

2. The Cure, "I Dig You"

3. Paul Westerberg, "Dyslexic Heart" [album]

4. Ivy, "Digging Your Scene" [album]

5. Bruce Springsteen, "Sad Eyes" [album]

6. The Jesus and Mary Chain, "Taste of Cindy (Acoustic)" [album]

7. Beth Orton, "This One's Gonna Bruise" [album]

8. Ron Sexsmith, "Fallen" [album]

9. Elvis Costello, "Can You Be True?" [album]

10. Kylie Minogue, "Come Into My World" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 04/19/2004 06:38:53 AM
Nice Mix!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: amanda
EMAIL:
IP: 156.111.244.7
URL:
DATE: 04/19/2004 08:24:21 AM
Thanks for reminding of that wonderfully catchy Westerberg song. Very nice.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 209.129.16.5
URL:
DATE: 04/19/2004 10:29:23 AM
Ahh... David Bowie. Haven't heard that one in a while.. thanks!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The 'Ni
EMAIL: darren_kani@yahoo.com
IP: 199.4.18.2
URL: http://www.boykani.com/weblog/weblog.htm
DATE: 04/19/2004 12:12:19 PM
A cover of a Blowmonkey's song? All those "I Love The 80s" shows must be whipping the music industry into a frenzy right now!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: gene
EMAIL: spinward@Hotmail.com
IP: 63.136.96.13
URL: http://www.somethingoutofnothing.net
DATE: 04/19/2004 01:57:59 PM
That Ivy album also has interesting covers of "Let's Go to Bed" (the Cure) and "I Don't Know Why I Love You" (House of Love).

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chinh
EMAIL: chinh@chinh.org
IP: 69.22.9.100
URL: http://www.chinh.org
DATE: 04/19/2004 10:39:12 PM
i love dyslexic heart... nah, nah nah nah nah... nah, nah, nah NAH NAH!!

The Flower of My Heart is Opening Once More
04/20/2004 12:12:38 PM

Hey folks, Steven Woodworth comin' at ya from my neat little corner of the Weird Wide Web. Listen, I want to apologize for all of that "Woody Mack" stuff from last time, okay? Let's just say that the Woodman was drinking something a little stronger than herbal tea that night. 'Nuff said!

You may have noticed a lightness in the Woodman's spirits in this entry. I know what you're saying: "There's only one thing that could make Steve such a happy camper: L-U-V!" Ha-ha, well, I'm not one to "kiss and tell," but there is a special lady in the Woodman's life right now. I walked into my local new age bookstore the other night, looking for a new copy of Dancing with Your Inner Angel (I spilled garlic hummus all over my old one), and a certain fetching lass immediately caught my eye. She looked a little furtive, and I quickly realized that this was because she was stuffing a copy of Wheels Of Light: Chakras, Auras & The Healing Energy Of The Body into her hemp handbag! I was shocked, but also intrigued, and followed this mystery lady out of the store. I had barely followed her for a half-block when she turned suddenly and rounded on me with a can of mace! Had she sprayed me, this story would be quite different, let me tell you!

I immediately introduced myself and assured her of my honorable intentions, which appeared to mollify her somewhat, although she kept the can of mace trained on my face. I invited her to share a cup of decaffeinated green tea with me, and to my great surprise, she accepted! Over tea, I told her all about my "Heartprints" column and the Bikram yoga class I teach at the community college, and she seemd pretty impressed. She told me she had a boyfriend at the moment, apparently a bouncer at some kind of industrial dance club downtown, but that she was in the process of giving him the boot. Afterwards, we exchanged email addresses.

Believe you me, I was walking on air all the way back home. I immediately began an email to her saying how much I'd enjoyed our encounter, and next thing I knew it was one in the morning and I'd spilled my entire life story! I was even inspired to pen a bit of verse, which I will share with you here:

I was lost in the rain
But the clouds have parted
And the colors of you
That make up the rainbow
In your perfect sky
Color my heart, too:
The color of my heart is you

I'm also going to make her a mix tape with all of my favorite Bread and Ambrosia songs. I am positively giddy with excitement!

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 04/20/2004 12:20:08 PM
Baby I'm a want you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL:
IP: 4.35.149.132
URL:
DATE: 04/20/2004 03:14:16 PM
Dude, you... aw, never mind. Good to have you back, Woodman.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 04/20/2004 05:04:51 PM
Heh, well, in a way it's a good thing you spilled your life story, Woodman. Because otherwise, we might have been reading about your adventures in romance at the hospital.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL: talisker@cox.net
IP: 68.111.154.221
URL:
DATE: 04/21/2004 06:54:38 AM
Sounds like love! What is your next move going to be? I suggest you put your poetry on tape too! You could slide that under her door with a ticket for "Yoga for Two" and see how it goes. Good luck Woodman!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 209.246.244.1
URL: http://groovebunny@diaryland.com
DATE: 04/22/2004 11:30:58 AM
Awwwww. Being in love is such a wonderful thing. This reminds me of my fave Bread tune the lovely "I Wanna Make (love/poke?) It With You".

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbness
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.121.21.151
URL:
DATE: 04/25/2004 11:19:33 PM
after chewing the cool rush flavor, and eating french fries, it tasted like a plain donut.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/25/2004 11:47:44 PM
i am not quite sure what to make of this...

I Am the Smallest Giant Ever
04/26/2004 01:01:02 AM

All files are MP3s and will be taken offline within 24-48 hours.

And if you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Strong Bad, "The Ladies In My Town All Know My Name" [album]

2. Elvis Costello, "Sulky Girl" [album]

3. The Beatles, "Girl" [album]

4. Too Much Joy, "Crush Story" [album]

5. Southern Culture on the Skids, "Camel Walk" [album]

6. Johnny Cash, "Would You Lay With Me (In A Field Of Stone)?" [album]

7. Frente, "Bizarre Love Triangle" [album]

8. Jann Arden, "Sleepless" [album]

9. Shane MacGowan & the Popes (with Sinéad O'Connor), "Haunted" [album]

10. Dido, "Closer" [album]

11. Strong Bad, "It's Like It Was Meant To Be" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.167.27.6
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 04/26/2004 02:24:41 AM
...she thinks my name is 'Brian'!

That album had incredible artwork.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.167.27.6
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 04/26/2004 02:25:48 AM
Those are some snazzy mouseovers!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
EMAIL:
IP: 24.146.15.177
URL:
DATE: 04/26/2004 02:36:08 AM
Awesome choices...

Ever heard of the Langley Schools Music Project? You should SO check them out...

And... oh yeah... Cash is the man.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Justin
EMAIL: lightningboy42@hotmail.com
IP: 24.146.15.177
URL: http://senorrandom.deviantart.com
DATE: 04/26/2004 02:38:02 AM
Oh yeah... and Jann Arden's "Wishing That"... awesome track too...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Pete
EMAIL: deucepm@further-adventures.com
IP: 66.31.187.252
URL: http://www.further-adventures.com/shoot
DATE: 04/26/2004 06:37:38 AM
My man Shane. I wish he'd sober up long enough to record another album.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.129.152
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 04/26/2004 07:06:31 AM I confess I own the movie The Matchmaker because of "Haunted."

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Lauren
EMAIL: web@feministe.us
IP: 128.211.130.99
URL: http://feministe.us/blog/
DATE: 04/26/2004 08:50:53 AM
Camel Walk! You wanna get married?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Xkot
EMAIL: xkot@xkot.net
IP: 24.28.152.96
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/xkot/
DATE: 04/26/2004 02:40:44 PM
The weird synchronicity of your songs and my recent journal posts both shocks me and doesn't surprise me at all (I used that link as my URL, btw, since you mentioned not having it).

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the bea
ns
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com IP: 68.83.69.57
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 04/26/2004 04:11:48 PM
Oh, man, now you've done it. Camel Walk is, like, one of my all-time favorite songs. Ever. I don't know what that says about me but it's true. Actually, I'm scared to know what that says about me. All I know is, every time I get soup in a restaurant, I have to look at the crackers and say, "Who's in charge here? Where's my Captain's Wafers?" My kids think I'm insane.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.154.221
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 04/26/2004 06:45:37 PM
Hey B, I have been so impressed with your weekly selection, I made my own monthy selection. (I don't have that kind of time to do a weekly mix)

So feel free to grab what I have too. And I made a link to the album just as you do. Figure it's the best idea... Hope you don't mind. Keep up the great work! (My URL is in my name.)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 172.197.80.89
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 04/28/2004 02:14:37 AM
shoot that alt+text arrow through my heart....

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: ste
EMAIL:
IP: 213.48.240.189
URL: http://essjaydoubleyou.blogspot.com/
DATE: 05/04/2004 04:30:18 AM
dang! I have found this page for the very first time today, and all of the Strong Bad stuff is there to d/l anymore. Isn't that always the way eh??

Dear Gosh Darn Diary
05/01/2004 02:39:26 PM

A happy Scotty 1st to everyone. I say Scotty because May is Scotty month on my Star Trek calendar. Look, I got it for 99 cents at the used bookstore, okay?

It's been a long time since I've posted anything remotely diary-like in my God Damn Diary. But I am changing that policy this month. Why? Openness. Candor. Truth. And because I got nothin'.

So, in lieu of anything actually entertaining, here's what I bought yesterday.

Trader Joe's:

Butter. Trader Joe's has excellent butter, and I highly recommend it. It's beautiful, honestly. If you're thinking, "WTF...butter is butter!" then you need to try this butter. Tillamook, you say? No. See, now aren't you embarrassed?

Brown Jasmine Rice. I'm not really a brown rice fan, but it's good for you, so. I've never tried this particular variety of rice, so I have no comment on it. None whatsoever. Except that it's nice that it comes in a recloseable pouch. Everything nowadays is recloseable. Unless of course, like me, you mindlessly rip the bags open. In which case they are not recloseable.

Tongol Tuna (salted, in water). This is the best canned tuna you can buy for less than a dollar. Forget that Starkist crap. Trust Unca B on this. That solid white Albacore that's $1.79 for a 1/3 filled can? Feed it to the cat, then go to Trader Joe's and buy this instead. Tongol makes Albacore taste like ground carp heads. For like half the price!

Soy Vey Island Teriyaki Sauce. The most awesomest teriyaki sauce ever. Ever! It's kind of pricey, but well worth it. This is if you like teriyaki sauce to be more on the sweet side, by the way. Note: this is the Island Teriyaki Sauce, not their regular teriyaki sauce, which is okay but nothing special. Yeah.

99 Ranch Market:

I love the 99 Ranch Market. Or did, when I lived in L.A. and went to the one in the City of Industry. Being there is like being teleported to a market in Hong Kong. At least, that's how I imagine it, since I've never actually been to Hong Kong, so I admit that I'm kind of talking out of my ass here. Anyway, there are a couple of 99 Ranch Markets up here in the Seattle area now, and one opened down the street from me recently. It's not as fun as the one I went to in L.A., because it doesn't have the cool bakery with the sausage bread and pork buns, and no iffy-looking deli where you can get squid balls. Mmm...squid balls. The new one is more clean and generically food-courtish, which I don't like so much.

Anyway, I bought some Asian pears -- not the super huge ones I like best, but okay -- and kimchee, and then I went over to the deli and bought a roast duck. Wow. I haven't had roast duck in years and years, and the one I got here was just amazing. Crisp skin, tender and intensely flavorful meat, just sweet enough to drive you crazy. You know that orgasmic feeling when you take a bite of something and it just melds with you, like it was sent down from Heaven just for you? Oh man. Yeah. Better than love? No. But close.

Washington State Liquor Control Board Liquor Store:

I've cut way down on the hootch as part of my "Clean & Relatively Sober in '04" campaign, but one vice I will still allow myself is the occasional shot (or two) of vodka. And yes, there is a difference between brands! Pearl is still my brand of choice. It has a nice hearty sake-like flavor. Also, I used to keep vodka in the freezer because it was the done thing, but I realize now that it really does taste like nothing when you drink it that way. You really only taste it when it's at room temperature. So, yeah. Anyway, they were all out of Pearl when I went there! Which sucked. So I robbed the place and then high-tailed it down to Ecuador, where I set up a massive drug cartel with the $421.50 I robbed from the store, and was eventually killed during a firefight with some Colombians. Kids, this is why you shouldn't drink. And if you drink, don't set up Ecuadorian drug cartels.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jesse
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 66.126.170.246
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 05/01/2004 03:55:45 PM
Jesse has some comments on your life: TJ's yes yes and yes. Brown rice is good, I've never looked back. Takes longer to cook, so plan ahead.

Seems like all them 99 Ranch Markets transport you to some transnational Pacific Rim kinda place. But since we are also PR, then it's all good. Last night I had some hotpot at Hot Pot City, near 99RM, and like, it reminded me of Vancouver, which some call Hong Kouver because they think they're clever.

Vodka: ahh tis my fav drink and always has been. I have yet to try this Pearl you speak of, and I will and I will let you know. As for the freezer thing: totally only for shit vodka (Gordon's) that your friends brought over for your cocktail party (idiots) because you don't want to taste that stuff. Premium shit is like sehr gut sittin' on the counter or in my belly.

the end.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 68.42.114.87
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/01/2004 06:30:23 PM
Jesse
hannah has a comment about your comment: "the end" *is* the best ending.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.141.76.245
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/01/2004 09:33:27 PM
Now you tell me about the cartel thing! Where were you a week ago, man?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Joe Hill
EMAIL: wobbly@iww.org
IP: 165.121.35.61
URL: http://www.iww.org
DATE: 05/01/2004 11:24:33 PM
just got back from the May Day parade - trader joes might single-handedly and unconscionably precipitate the workers' revolution. The workers are happy and I love their honey-coated sesame sticks at this moment from my grave -

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Enigma
EMAIL: enigmaREMOVE@the-enigma.net
IP: 68.81.172.42
URL: http://www.the-enigma.net/blog
DATE: 05/02/2004 04:09:03 PM
i didnt know trader joe's had soy vey. thanks! i buy it from whole foods market. tj has got to be cheaper!

if you like girlscout thin mints or mint & chocolate in general, you have got to try those mint chocolate cookie things. they come in a container like ice cream. damn addictive. *salivating*

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: ricecracker
EMAIL:
IP: 65.25.219.140
URL:
DATE: 05/02/2004 05:09:53 PM
Oh, I love Asian pears too, but I can't bring myself to buy the smaller ones. They're just not as juicy and sweet. Here in Minnesota finding large Asian pears that don't come from New Zealand is very rare.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chriss
EMAIL: ixieee@yahTakeThisOutoo.ca
IP: 66.146.143.76
URL:
DATE: 05/02/2004 05:45:54 PM
Shut up -- squid balls taste awesome with egg-white rice noodles!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/03/2004 01:14:18 AM
i will make sure to fight the urge to form an ecuardorian cartel the next time i drink vodka.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Serenity
EMAIL: serenity@nospamserenitysjournal.com
IP: 66.25.19.216
URL: http://www.serenitysjournal.com
DATE: 05/03/2004 01:49:18 PM
Only you could make a shopping list entertaining.

As for the Colombians who beat your ass...I was so impressed with that, I decided to date one.

Did you just turn over in your grave?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Burnt Fuse
EMAIL: admin@burnt-fuse.com
IP: 24.205.105.167
URL: http://www.burnt-fuse.com/weblog/
DATE: 05/07/2004 09:23:16 PM
Yes and YES to TJ's butter and tuna! Two of my everytime purchases when I go there.

Maple Surple
05/03/2004 12:00:00 AM

All files are MP3s and will be taken offline within 24-48 hours.

And if you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Roger Miller, "Dang Me" [album]

2. Bryan Ferry, "You Do Something To Me" [album]

3. Diana Krall, "Let's Fall In Love" [album]

4. Dave Matthews Band, "Crush" [album]

5. Joseph Arthur, "Honey And The Moon" [album]

6. Jonny Lang, "To Love Again" [album]

7. Gipsy Kings, "No Viviré" [album]

8. The Mavericks, "I Hope You Want Me Too" [album]

9. The White Stripes, "I Want To Be The Boy" [album]

10. Skee-Lo, "The Tale Of Mr. Morton" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Pearl
EMAIL: p@grammargeeks.com
IP: 68.42.114.87
URL:
DATE: 05/03/2004 04:58:25 AM
Mr Morton:
So, will you?
-pearl
-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 209.129.16.5
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana
DATE: 05/03/2004 12:07:49 PM
I am diggin the digs! Nice track from the Gipsy Kings...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 209.129.16.5
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana
DATE: 05/03/2004 12:08:00 PM
I am diggin the digs! Nice track from the Gipsy Kings...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.147.168.97
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/03/2004 04:02:30 PM
I'm digging these mixes.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/03/2004 06:56:00 PM
Good god, I had forgotten about the Skee-Lo song, and, actually, Skee-Lo in general.

These mixes make me infinitely happy, B.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: teenagesupervillain@yahoo.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/04/2004 02:15:07 PM
Dave Matthews Band?!
You're dead to me, B.
-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Justin
EMAIL: lightningboy42@hotmail.com
IP: 24.146.15.177
URL: http://senorrandom.deviantart.com
DATE: 05/04/2004 04:51:08 PM
I must confess...
I've had that "Schoolhouse Rock! Rocks!" album for a while now... and it never ceases to impress me...
Plus, I'm a Schoolhouse Rock junkie...
I bought the DVD... *blushes*
-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/04/2004 06:05:16 PM
I love Dave Matthews. And all the rest. Not so much Skee-Lo, but all the rest was fab. Thanks.

Ill-Advised Product Name of the Week
05/04/2004 09:23:48 AM

I saw this at the supermarket last night: Planters Nut Poppers. I have to ask: Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one?? No, honestly, I actually want to know. And while I'm at it, I have one followup question: What IS the DEAL??

Damn. Who knew that snack products could be so erotically charged? I can't wait to see what Planters comes up with next.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com/
DATE: 05/04/2004 09:51:36 AM
Looks like Planter's was getting jealous of Nestea, which up until this point had one of the worst product names: "Tea Whiz". And let's not forget that infamous board game from the 1970s, "Ball Buster"...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 05/04/2004 01:38:09 PM
I would buy anything called "Just buy the fucking thing", simply to salute the chutzpah.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 05/04/2004 03:11:23 PM
I'd buy anything with Mr. Ribald Connotation on it.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.178
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 05/04/2004 03:35:10 PM
Ha! Mr. Peanut is creeping me out now. He looks like the ringmaster of a nutty porno circus.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/04/2004 05:56:18 PM
Isn't Planters the company with the now infamous "Wait! Beavers don't like nuts!" commercial? And the "Wait! Woodpeckers don't like nuts!" commercial?

I find myself strangely drawn to Planters...

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/04/2004 06:06:38 PM
Hysterically funny! Thanks for the grins..

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rosy Palm
EMAIL: onan@selfabuse.cum
IP: 165.121.36.95
URL:
DATE: 05/04/2004 07:34:00 PM

Why did you have to show this in such a light? I am now on my second can of hand lotion and the toilet paper from Trader Joes works wonders when cleaning up my spunk -

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.154.221
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 05/04/2004 08:46:48 PM
For some reason I really want to buy some Nut Poppers...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.147.152.235

URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com DATE: 05/04/2004 09:57:14 PM
I think that cross-section of a "nut popper" underneath the name freaks me out most of all.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: josh
EMAIL: cabeza@evilcabeza.net
IP: 66.90.130.225
URL: http://evilcabeza.net
DATE: 05/05/2004 03:30:35 AM
didn't cornuts have an ad campaign with a jingle that went something like "bust a nut, bust a nut. enjoy yourself...we won't tell".

double entendres. lovely.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BeerMary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.13.121
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 05/05/2004 05:21:16 AM
That dancing peanut dude has always been heavy on the "man-on-man sexual innuendo".

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Lu
EMAIL: ladobra@yahoo.com
IP: 216.196.232.114
URL: http://www.sweethoneychild.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/05/2004 06:13:42 AM
That is just too damn funny. How did you not die laughing in the grocery store?!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Don Cornelius
EMAIL: soultrain69@nutpopper.com
IP: 199.4.18.2
URL:
DATE: 05/05/2004 10:50:06 AM
Planters is marketing amyl nitrate now? Good times.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: panajane
EMAIL: panajane@hotmail.com
IP: 143.166.255.18
URL: http://panajane.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/05/2004 12:40:04 PM
That's very creative. A+++ for creativity.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 05/05/2004 01:12:31 PM
You're awesome, b.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/06/2004 07:21:30 PM
hilarious!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: woojay
EMAIL: me@woojay.net
IP: 68.223.103.239
URL: http://blog.woojay.net
DATE: 05/07/2004 08:38:01 PM
Hahahaha!!! Great post!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Kim
EMAIL: paige66139@hotmail.com
IP: 68.52.98.17
URL: http://www.learningasigo.com
DATE: 05/08/2004 05:10:15 PM
Oddly, this thought process never occurred to me until just the moment you pointed it out. I'm guessing someone at Planters is having one hell of a laugh.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.196.119.84
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 05/08/2004 11:54:27 PM
"Luther and Svengli should be treated singly - one hated peasants, and the other the Presence" is the right quote.

Wait a sec. I've got the wrong comment window open. Whoops.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jonnie
EMAIL: jonnie@jonnie.com
IP: 69.19.138.36
URL: http://pimpress.com/jonnie
DATE: 05/10/2004 04:48:18 PM
HAHAHAHAA!!!!! Nut Busters!

aaaaaahhhahahahaaaaa......

I'm crying!

(sorry. I'm immature.)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Dennis
EMAIL: medosin@hotmail.com
IP: 172.192.85.67
URL: http://clem.mscd.edu~dsando27
DATE: 05/10/2004 11:01:46 PM
i love you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dayment
EMAIL: dayment@daymented.com
IP: 64.105.86.146
URL: http://www.daymented.com
DATE: 05/11/2004 03:17:26 PM
I wish companies would be so honest, you know? Like Calvin*'s Super Sugar Bombs cereal.
*Calvin & Hobbes, natch.
If I saw that last picture, me and my shopping cart would go Eert! and I would grab the product. Just because.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: JustAgirl
EMAIL:
IP: 213.93.128.51
URL: http://ijustwrite.blogspot.com/
DATE: 05/12/2004 11:58:09 AM
Really funny! We don't have Planter's here though (in Holland), which is a shame because I love their Cheese Curls!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wens
EMAIL: wendymay@yahoo.com
IP: 206.117.134.94
URL: http://wendymay.buzznet.com
DATE: 05/18/2004 07:10:31 PM
I actually ate something like this in England and it tasted good! which is pretty amazing considering England's food sucks.

I've Just Got to Let You Know
05/10/2004 01:08:43 AM

All files are MP3s and will be taken offline within 24-48 hours.

And if you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Richard Cheese, "Fell In Love With A Girl" [album]

2. Tom Jones, "What's New, Pussycat?" [album]

3. Ivy, "Let's Go To Bed" [album]

4. Beck, "Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometimes" [album]

5. The Cure, "Halo" [album]

6. Bob Dylan, "The Man In Me" [album]

7. Elvis Costello, "She" [album]

8. Johnny Cash, "'Cause I Love You" [album]

9. Alison Krauss, "When You Say Nothing At All" [album]

10. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, "Hello" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 68.42.114.87
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/10/2004 04:55:20 AM
Wow, that is an excellent mix! You certainly can bring it!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.145.210
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 05/10/2004 06:20:14 AM
Thanks, doll!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/10/2004 10:08:39 AM
Awesome! Thank you. :-)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: boz
EMAIL: none@none.com
IP: 66.227.252.119
URL: http://boz48730.com/
DATE: 05/10/2004 10:09:50 AM
Are songs getting longer or is my attention span just getting shorter?

Damn you MTV, damn you and all you stand for.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Cheeky Monkey R
EMAIL: bumbletrouble@yahoo.com
IP: 162.95.80.197
URL:
DATE: 05/10/2004 10:42:59 AM
Are you in love again?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 05/10/2004 04:53:22 PM
It looks like love from here.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: madmathias
EMAIL: madmathias@gmail.com
IP: 65.25.165.24
URL: http://madmathias.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/10/2004 05:22:17 PM
good shit man. loved the nut popper post below. here via my residence at real world blogger style. we and the house thank you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@gmail.com
IP: 172.192.240.117
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 05/10/2004 06:25:31 PM
dear B : my mates followed me in here (when they found out you were kind enough to link us). feel free to berate them as you see fit. xoxo :

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.156.20.52
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/10/2004 08:45:13 PM
Hey, this totally rocks... great mix! And thanks for the Tom Jones, man! =)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.194.252.194
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 05/10/2004 09:58:47 PM
Yer one of my kind.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 05/11/2004 09:26:01 AM
"She" is a ruined song for me. I unfortunately watched the beginning of Notting Hill. Julia hamming it up for the camera. I hate her!!!!!!!!! I HATE SHE!!!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.35.146.157
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 05/11/2004 09:55:20 AM
We here at Weirdsmobile like to pretend that "Notting Hill" does not exist.

Okay, it's just me, but "we here at Weirdsmobile" sounds more authoritative.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 05/12/2004 08:11:12 AM
I make it a habit to pretend all of Julia Roberts' movies don't exist.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/12/2004 08:55:40 PM
If I own Notting Hill, but for Hugh Grant, not Julia, and if I, in fact, wish she weren't in it, does that make it okay?

Just, you know, hypothetically speaking...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.175.60
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com
DATE: 05/13/2004 04:47:04 PM
SWEET! I dig the Tom Jones...

In Lieu of Content
05/14/2004 07:42:46 PM

Architecture in Helsinki, "Scissor Paper Rock"

These guys are pretty cool.

Yeah, that's all.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.148.70.54
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/15/2004 03:23:42 PM
Cool song!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.154.221
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 05/15/2004 08:28:54 PM
Not bad... I am messing with my boot screen, so if you don't see me post in a while, its because I made a grave error.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 69.167.145.25
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/16/2004 01:33:22 PM
Ahhh so relaxing. I think I'm back now. But I have no idea how often I'm gonna post. Maybe I shoulda thought of that before I decided to come back. Hmmm.

Blame It On The ~~Three Buck Chuck~~ Moon
05/17/2004 01:32:01 AM

All files are MP3s and will be taken offline within 24-48 hours.

And if you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Neutral Milk Hotel, "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" [album]

2. Elvis Costello, "Spooky Girlfriend" [album]

3. Al Green, "Let's Stay Together" [album]

4. JoBoxers, "Just Got Lucky" [album]

5. Hank Williams, "Baby, We're Really In Love [album]

6. Katie Melua, "Blame It On The Moon" [album]

7. Joseph Arthur, "You're So True" [album]

8. Sophie B. Hawkins, "Lose Your Way" [album]

9. Five For Fighting, "If God Made You" [album]

10. Tom Waits, "Somewhere" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 68.42.114.87
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/17/2004 04:38:21 AM
The Best DJ

B, I think you're hip...would you please come spin at my party?

**hannah

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 05/17/2004 07:20:09 AM
Anytime...although you'd better check out my upcoming "Best of Cheesy Soft Rock" collection before you extend any invitations.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.154.221
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 05/17/2004 07:32:09 PM
No, no.. he is right... these are some great tunes. Kudos, and thanks again!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 69.167.145.25
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/17/2004 08:39:34 PM
JoeBoxers! I remember them! Sweet.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.158.143.169
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/17/2004 10:10:33 PM
Aww, yeah with the Al Green...

-----
>
COMMENT: AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.158.143.169
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/17/2004 10:15:40 PM
By the way, B, I can't help but notice that, for the time being, you've chosen to express yourself in the medium of mix tape. =)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 05/18/2004 01:52:36 AM
What are you suggesting, BOB? Hmmmm?

Ask the Mummified Remains of Soupy Sales
05/18/2004 02:25:27 AM

Q: Dear Mummified Remains of Soupy Sales,

During your stellar but oft-underrated career, you played every arena from dinner theater to Broadway, and were one of the biggest stars in showbiz with The Soupy Sales Show. Yet, you never won an Emmy Award for your groundbreaking television work. Do you feel that history will remember you as the pioneer that you were?

A: You know I'm not dead, right?

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: spd rdr
EMAIL: flatsixes@yahoo.com
IP: 68.57.76.41
URL:
DATE: 05/18/2004 02:41:04 AM
You are the reason I'm so twisted today. Thanks Soup!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chow chow
EMAIL: cc@cc.cc
IP: 150.176.245.171
URL:
DATE: 05/18/2004 04:35:15 AM
bring out your dead! (clang) bring out your dead..

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.154.221
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 05/18/2004 06:28:05 AM
I think his "Soupy Unleashed: The un-edited edition" comes out soon! YES!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/18/2004 08:23:42 AM
Dear mummified-yet-alive Soupy Sales: I used to have a crush on you. I think it was your teeth. And your bad boy mystique.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/18/2004 04:30:56 PM
This is why we're internet married, remember?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.173.104.79
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/18/2004 09:58:40 PM
Ha! Classic, B. Just classic. Now I remember why I quit blogging. You set the bar way too high.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 05/18/2004 11:33:10 PM
Haha. I'm so loving that Soupy hair on the mummy's head. Tres clever Mr. B.:)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: boz
EMAIL: n@n.com
IP: 24.236.235.21
URL: http://boz48730.com/
DATE: 05/20/2004 05:45:36 PM
Black Tooth, don't kiss !!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/24/2004 11:33:15 PM
this is nuts. but that's why we love ya!

A Happy Clown Once More...
05/19/2004 01:23:00 AM

Because Smivey's back.

He still thinks you suck, though.

Just warning you is all.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.173.104.79
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/19/2004 06:46:49 AM
Shhhhhh it was supposed to be a secret. Does that mean I actually have to do this now?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 05/19/2004 08:02:08 AM
Did I say Smivey? I meant Spivey. Yeah, the guy in Dances With Wolves who wipes his butt with Kevin Costner's journal. He started a weblog. That's all I meant. Sorry man. But yeah, you do have to do this now. Ha!

...But Sad Also
05/19/2004 01:36:26 AM

Because Tony Randall has left the building. I loved this guy and am sad that he is gone. Not only was he freaking hilarious as Felix Unger and in his "best friend" roles in those Doris Day-Rock Hudson movies, but he provided millions of people decades of fun speculation as we struggled in vain to determine his actual sexual orientation. I had no idea that he was married -- for 54 years! -- to his college sweetheart, who died in 1992, but I did hear about his subsequent marriage to a woman who was 50 years his junior, which seems both creepy and weirdly appropriate. Also, without Tony Randall, there would be no David Hyde Pierce. So I salute you, sir. Farewell.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.173.104.79
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/19/2004 06:51:24 AM
Let's not forget he fathered two children. One when he was 77 and one when he was 78. What a stud!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 05/19/2004 07:08:41 AM
I don't know anyone else who could have brought so much humour to the sinus condition. You will be missed Mr. Randall...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/19/2004 07:45:21 AM
I really liked him on the Odd Couple, but I really loved him on Oh, Sidney. What a great and charming celebrity he was.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 05/19/2004 07:49:56 AM
Wow! I thought I was the only one who remembered that show!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.157.7.241
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/19/2004 07:21:11 PM
I will miss Tony Randall.

Isn't it sad when 5 year-olds are left without their (84 year-old) fathers?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: filmgoerjuan
EMAIL: fgjuan@telus.net
IP: 142.179.3.88
URL: http://blog.filmgoerjuan.com/index.php
DATE: 05/20/2004 01:08:50 AM
Actually, it was "Love, Sidney" (and yes it was great). Although as is so often the case when they show clips from my shows that were on in my childhood, I was shocked to see that it was on film (I seem to recall it being shot on video).

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/20/2004 07:12:12 AM
Thanks, fgj! You'd think since I went to the trouble to paste a link, I'd go to the trouble to know the name of the show. But you'd be wrong in thinking that.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dayment
EMAIL: dayment@daymented.com
IP: 24.18.227.13
URL: http://www.daymented.com
DATE: 05/24/2004 09:31:15 PM
I think I need to rent Down With Love in honor of him (and David Hyde Pierce!)

11 Days
05/24/2004 01:59:24 AM

All files are MP3s and will be taken offline within 24-48 hours.

And if you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Jem, "Falling For You" [album]

2. Bruce Springsteen, "All That Heaven Will Allow" [album]

3. Elvis Costello, "My Mood Swings" [album]

4. Macy Gray, "I Try" [album]

5. Maroon 5, "She Will Be Loved" [album]

6. Blue October, "Calling You" [album]

7. Texas, "I'll See It Through" [album]

8. The Brian Jonestown Massacre, "If I Love You?" [album]

9. Barenaked Ladies, "If I Had $1,000,000" [album]

10. Le Tigre, "What's Yr Take On Cassavetes" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 68.42.114.87
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/24/2004 04:47:32 AM
Alcoholic? Sure. Genius? Definitely. Misogynist? I don't think so, though I think he was fascinated by a mysterious power he ascribed to women...a power that scared him.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 05/24/2004 07:40:13 AM
OK, thanks -- just checking. :)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.co
m
IP: 209.204.185.110 URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/24/2004 09:44:37 AM
11 days, eh?

The last two are the hardest to wait through. Seems like the days will never end. But they do. Enjoy! :-)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/24/2004 09:55:32 AM
Btw, I *really* enjoy your musical taste; thanks for the Monday Morning Mix. I look forward to it every Monday.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dayment
EMAIL: dayment@daymented.com
IP: 24.18.227.13
URL: http://www.daymented.com
DATE: 05/24/2004 09:30:18 PM
sweeet.
thanks.

10 Days
05/25/2004 01:04:28 AM

Dear Seattle,

We've had a lot of fun together over the years, Seattle, but I think you and I both know that it's time to move on. It's just not working anymore. We've grown apart. You're not the same person I fell in love with so long ago, and I've changed, too. We're on different paths, and where I'm going, you can't follow.

I tried. Heaven knows I tried. I even went to Dick's a couple of times, just for you, even though Dick's is a bland, overpriced, hysterically overrated facsimile of a real burger joint, because you loved it so much and I wanted to love the things you loved. When you insisted on building that new stadium and opera house because otherwise you wouldn't be a "world class city," I didn't say a word, even though your sports teams are mediocre and there are about 3,278 more important things to throw money at in this city than a fucking opera house. I stood by you, even when the armies of high-strung Hummer-driving techno-yuppie Californians and East Coasters swarmed into town and raised the rents and drove out all the cool people.

And you know, I probably would have stuck with it for a while longer, but I have to confess...I've fallen in love with someone else, an old flame I recently got back in touch with. After I get my things together here, I will be moving in with Madison. I know this is sudden, but I don't believe in drawn-out goodbyes.

I hope one day you can understand my decision. I wanted this to work, I really did. But alas, it was not to be. I hope we can still be friends and keep in touch.

Love Always,
B²

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BeerMary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.13.121
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 05/25/2004 05:23:20 AM
Good luck with the move! :-)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com/
DATE: 05/25/2004 06:42:48 AM
And don't forget, once you're moved in with Madison, it's just a short trip to see the big man. You know ... Chicago.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/25/2004 06:59:41 AM
What? You're moving??

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 05/25/2004 07:56:01 AM
Seattle: home of liberal marijuana laws.

Madison: home of liberal maijuana laws.

Coincidence?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@gmail.com
IP: 172.197.102.36
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 05/25/2004 08:37:24 AM
(the west coast is already experiencing withdrawals)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 05/25/2004 09:02:03 AM
People actually live in Wisconsin??

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 05/25/2004 09:09:55 AM
I daresay, it's where people go TO live!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BoyKani EMAIL: darren_kani@yahoo.com
IP: 199.4.18.2
URL:
DATE: 05/25/2004 09:39:16 AM
Well Wisconsin is where God exiled Bartleby and Loki to punish them for their betrayal in Kevin Smith's Dogma, so it's gotta be a rockin' good time!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: rice cracker
EMAIL:
IP: 66.41.144.235
URL: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx? user=minnesotaricecracker
DATE: 05/25/2004 10:56:14 AM
Madison is lovely, but quite the homewrecker. She lured a friend of mine from Luverne (granted, Luverne is a nasty old whore, but still) into moving in with her.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Robin
EMAIL:
IP: 65.27.229.194
URL:
DATE: 05/25/2004 02:58:30 PM
Holy crap! You're moving back to the midwest. That's wild. Hope the move goes SMOOOVE, B.

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 05/25/2004 04:24:36 PM
ye house on ye rock.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/25/2004 05:00:40 PM
Let me speak for the entire Midwest when I say "welcome back." We missed you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 172.141.166.160
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 05/25/2004 09:17:58 PM
Do you need company on the road trip? For serious. I love road trips and I'm not currently busy.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Smivey
EMAIL: smivey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.173.104.79
URL: http://smivey.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/25/2004 10:27:01 PM
I gather this means you will soon be donning a foam cap shaped like a wedge of cheese. Well, good for you, B. Good for you.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 69.9.99.204
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 05/26/2004 12:04:52 AM
Wisconsin, I'm told, has the most bars per capita of any other state. Somebody else told me the roads are nice and flat, so bikerides are pretty fun there.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dayment
EMAIL: dayment@daymented.com
IP: 64.105.86.146
URL: http://www.daymented.com
DATE: 05/26/2004 11:13:09 AM
Please tell me I'm invited to the Going Away party?
(Do you need me to plan said Going Away Party?)
-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: teenagesupervillain@yahoo.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/26/2004 05:11:59 PM
Aw! That's the cutest little weeping Space Needle ever!
-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@msn.com
IP: 68.136.22.241
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 05/26/2004 09:50:29 PM
Enjoy the minus 70 degree winters, B-boy! "You gotta move to L.A., Max."

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 05/26/2004 11:40:07 PM
Can't resist the power of cheese eh? Oh wait, that's California's motto. Happy trip back to Madison. Ya gotta go where your heart takes you I always say.:)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Serenity
EMAIL: serenity@nospamserenitysjournal.com
IP: 66.25.19.216
URL: http://www.serenitysjournal.com
DATE: 05/27/2004 04:10:49 AM
Having just moved from Seattle in September, let me agree you are doing the right thing.

That city USED to be fun, it used to be "home" and it USED to have culture. Now it's just a lite version of San Francisco.

This is what happens when a magainze calls your city the "#1 Most Liveable City in the U.S." Everyone packs their car up and moves there and completely destroys the REASON it was the most liveable city in the first place.

That city used to be cool. Now it's a fricken disappointment.

Best of luck in your new digs.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: keol
EMAIL: no_mas_3@hotmail.com
IP: 207.190.71.99
URL: http://www.killerchicken.blogspot.com
DATE: 05/27/2004 11:25:49 AM
On behalf of the state of Wisconsin, I'd like to say Welcome.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Madison
EMAIL:
IP: 12.109.16.140
URL:
DATE: 05/28/2004 01:36:35 PM
In your face, Seattle!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbness
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.121.16.175
URL:
DATE: 05/30/2004 12:06:25 AM
when were you going to tell me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Dennis
EMAIL: medosin@hotmail.com
IP: 172.195.64.141
URL: http://clem.mscd.edu/~dsando27/
DATE: 06/01/2004 01:33:14 AM
move to Denver. i know mary will show you a good time. she's a nasty one, that mary.

9 Days
05/26/2004 06:26:22 PM

Charlie Daniels Band, "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.160.245.121
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/26/2004 10:35:08 PM
Okay, this countdown is kind of getting me excited. =)

I feel like I should be packing up some boxes.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 68.42.114.87
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 05/27/2004 01:51:34 AM
It's okay that I know all the words to this song, right? Right??

I done told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best that's ever been.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: David Caolo
EMAIL: dcaolo@mac.com
IP: 65.96.48.95
URL: http://kermittheblog.com
DATE: 05/27/2004 08:55:58 PM
This song will forever remind me of riding the Flying Bobs that the carnies set up on my local little league field when I was but a wee lad. Nothing quite like centrifugal force, a belly full of cotton candy and the Charlie Daniels Band. Now that's what I call a summer's evening.

7 Days
05/26/2004 06:36:55 PM

Ray Charles, "Georgia On My Mind" [album]

Super Fun Contest
05/28/2004 12:20:17 PM

Update: Chris of Monkey in a Box won the contest, and is number one; all others are number two or lower. Thanks to everyone who entered, and stay tuned for the next contest....

Between now and The Move, I'll be giving away things -- and not only things, but also stuff -- that I don't want anymore, but don't want to hand off to some thrift store where someone will buy it for 25¢ and turn it into a throw pillow.

This time, I'm giving away a Charlie Brown T-Shirt, a yellow-orange shirt (size XL) with the classic zig-zag stripe. I've had this in my closet for years and never, ever worn it, so I think it's time to let it go.

However, I don't want to "just" give it away, so I'm holding a Super Fun Contest! I've mixed together samples of ten instantly (or eventually) recognizable songs, and the first one who can identify the artist/title of all ten tunes gets the shirt. Fun!

Once you figure it out, e-mail me ASAP. You don't have to have all ten to enter; if nobody gets all of them, then whoever gets the most correct answers and submits them first wins. Did I mention Fun?

Play Now!

Now that the contest is over, here are the answers! Mouse over each number for the answer; click to play (or right-click and save file to disk).

#1 • #2 • #3 • #4 • #5 • #6 • #7 • #8 • #9 • #10

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: loves_pillows
EMAIL:
IP: 65.7.159.26
URL:
DATE: 05/28/2004 02:01:06 PM
I would pay good, hard-earned money for a pillow made from that shirt.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL:
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL:
DATE: 05/28/2004 04:07:39 PM
Nuh uh. Because it would be WRONG.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.137.161.234
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 05/28/2004 05:39:25 PM
I'm stumped on 4,5,and 6.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@gmail.com
IP: 67.122.15.91
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 05/31/2004 01:25:59 AM
... i have been so swamped with work and stuff that i didn't even get here in time to actually participate before the contest was already won....

(feel free to send me stuff out of pity)

xo

We're All Mad Here
05/28/2004 04:47:43 PM

Talent runs in Wendy's family! Check out These awesome cards based on Wendy's sister's artwork. Then, purchase.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 172.155.183.162
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 05/30/2004 06:27:47 AM
I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear you compliment my sister's stuff. I feel like I knew this secret all along and now the world will finally know what I know.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL:
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL:
DATE: 05/31/2004 03:41:15 AM
Your sister's stuff is awesome. You guys are like the Von Trapp family, except with art. Or maybe singing, too, who knows?

Your Nervous Heart
05/31/2004 02:57:19 AM

New! "Stream" the latest mixtape songs to your mp3 player by clicking on this handy link. Easy. Try it now.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Prince, "Courtin' Time" [album]

2. The Ramones, "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" [album]

3. Weezer, "Falling For You" [album]

4. Rhett Miller, "Your Nervous Heart" [album]

5. Azure Ray, "If You Fall" [album]

6. The Lucksmiths, "Guess How Much I Love You" [album]

7. Ron Sexsmith, "Whatever It Takes" [album]

8. Macy Gray, "I Can't Wait To Meetchu" [album]

9. Mitch & Mickey, "Kiss At The End Of The Rainbow" [album]

10. Robin Trower, "Hannah" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL:
IP: 65.7.159.26
URL:
DATE: 05/31/2004 03:19:56 PM
Very Sweet Mix!

Remembering
05/31/2004 03:12:26 AM

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Samh
EMAIL:
IP: 195.217.242.33
URL:
DATE: 06/04/2004 02:23:03 AM
Shit hot !

2 Days
06/02/2004 12:39:09 AM

The next contest in my big ass giveaway isn't really a contest, because everybody's a winner!! All you have to do is e-mail me a Microsoft Paint drawring. Really, that's it. That and a mailing address, and I will send you something. I can't guarantee that it'll be valuable or cool or even worth the tons of junk mail you'll receive after I sell your address to direct marketers. But it'll be something.

Here's my e-mail address again.

The topic of your drawring shall be:

Your Fantasy All-You-Can-Eat Buffet That Includes At Least One Alien

Now go to it, because you know you really want my useless detritus.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The 'Ni
EMAIL: darren_kani@yahoo.com
IP: 199.4.18.2
URL: http://www.boykani.com/weblog/weblog.htm
DATE: 06/02/2004 09:41:32 AM
What if we don't have ms paint? can we send a low-tech photoshop drawing?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL:
IP: 4.43.142.144
URL:
DATE: 06/02/2004 09:50:58 AM
Yes, any Microsoft Paint-like drawring will be accepted.

1 Day
06/03/2004 05:37:04 AM

I've received several entries in my Big Ass Giveaway so far, and they are all pretty damned hilarious. Keep 'em coming! I have a ton of useless detritus to unload!

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 06/03/2004 05:39:49 PM
I started mine lastnight...then I got hungry thinking about what I was painting. Sos I'm still working on mine, yo! :)

Drawrings!
06/04/2004 02:57:09 AM

Wow! So far 13 folks have sent intheir drawrings for my drawring non-contest (it's a non-contest because everyone who enters gets some crap and/or stuff). And remember, it's not over yet, so

Jim presents us with a revisionist take on the Last Supper, or in this case the Last Buffet. At least, I thought it was a revisionist take, until I read this passage in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 7, Verses 9-10: "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a green, vaguely grasshopper-like alien?" (King James Alien Version)

BoyKani demonstrates his almost unseemly patriotic fervor with this All-American breakfast buffet. Pancakes, hash browns and four cups of coffee? No wonder E.T. had to visit the Little Alien's room!

Bakiwop's buffet is pretty well picked-over -- all that's left is a...chicken? Perhaps it's best not to dwell overlong upon this vaguely symbolic, definitely unsettling drawring, and move on to the salad bar....

Arturus presents a sad story indeed...the little green alien wants Jell-O, but is too short to reach the delectable dessert that so resembles his own green, viscous skin! Further taunting him is a cake that says "Yum." I've long argued that poor buffet table design could provoke an alien invasion, and this drawring is gut-wrenching evidence of that terrifying possibility.

The unwitting sushi bar patrons in Jessica's picture have no idea of the gruesome fate that awaits them. In fact, neither do I, but I suggest you steer clear of shrimp tempura for the next few months.

Oldtimey serves up a tasty buffet indeed. It's not often you find an all-you-can-eat restaurant that serves fresh alien du jour, let alone pierogies!

Raymond successfully nails the moment that popular 80's sitcom Mork & Mindy finally jumped the shark -- that's right, the infamous "plague of hot dogs and eggs" episode.

Beanmom offers up an all-you-can-eat buffet that only an alien -- or possibly Mondrian -- could love. Although that Gseraq is looking better and better by the second.

Miss Hannah understands the shocking truth behind the mystery of crop circles -- aliens love corn! And why not? Corn is delicious and good for you. Just look at how big it made the alien's brain! Corn also makes you talk in dingbats. I know, because I ate a can of cream style corn once, and for hours afterward could only speak in Glamocon Retrobats.

If you look closely at Susan's drawring, you'll see an element that is so bizarre that you would never expect to see it at an all-you-can-eat buffet, let alone any restaurant. What's wrong with this picture? (Answer: cats are not allowed in restaurants, due to health code regulations.)

Rachel really likes bagels. In fact, the bagel as pictured above would have a mass of 2x1020 kilograms and would take Rachel at least 5 or 6 billion years to finish! Luckily, she has a cup of tea the size of Jupiter to wash it all down with!

Charm writes: "In case you have problems figuring out my scribblings, my buffet consists of a double quarter pounder and fries, ding dongs, spaghetti, ribs, ice cream sundae, fruit and swordfish." I think this is my favorite buffet in terms of food, because I mean, Ding Dongs, come on. You don't have to be an alien to appreciate the unholy, voluptuous goodness of Hostess™ products. Although it helps.

La Feministe, in her exuberance, did not notice my topic du jeu, but offers up these two very cute cat-themed drawrings, along with this note: "For the record, I ate my alien cat at an all-you-can-eat buffet, but only because he dared me that I wouldn't. I won." A grim lesson for alien cats everywhere. For the record, the sleeping arrangement is also my own preferred sleeping arrangement (with me in the 4 ft. position of course).

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BoyKani
EMAIL: darren_kani@yahoo.com
IP: 199.4.18.2
URL:
DATE: 06/04/2004 09:43:44 AM
A collection fit for the Guggenheim!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: panajane
EMAIL: panajane@hotmail.com
IP: 143.166.255.16
URL: http://panajane.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/04/2004 02:08:00 PM
That was great!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Dave
EMAIL: dcaolo@mac.com
IP: 4.21.179.70
URL: http://kermittheblog.com
DATE: 06/05/2004 11:42:37 AM
Very cute idea.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jessica
EMAIL: jessica@peacedividend.com
IP: 66.117.128.123
URL: http://www.peacedividend.com
DATE: 06/08/2004 09:13:21 PM
I *heart* La Feministe's barfing kitty. (And maybe I should hone my MSPaint fakery skillz and try again.)

At the End of the Rainbow
06/04/2004 03:30:32 AM

Dido, "Closer"

Things (& Stuff)
06/08/2004 04:14:08 PM

The drawring contest is over now, because I'm pretty sure I have more drawrings than stuff at this point. I hope you guys like thumbtacks and canned air! I will post the second set of draw-- okay, I'll stop saying "drawring" now -- drawings later, for your amusement and/or stomach upset.

I took a trip this weekend, on, like, a plane and everything. Two fun-tastic tips from your Unca B. One, always check in online at the airline website the day (or longer, if you can) before your flight, because then you can change whatever lame ass seat assignment you got. Two, check out your itinerary and make note of what type of plane (737, Airbus A320, balsa wood) you're taking, then head over to SeatGuru.com and look at the seat layout for your plane so you can get the best possible seats! This is the way to go, "dog." Actually, the rule of thumb is to go for exit row seats, because they have awesome leg room. And really, what are the chances of there being an actual emergency where you'd have to open that emergency exit door, right? And even if there is an emergency...you're right next to the bleeding emergency exit door!!! The site is still really useful, though, for warnings about particularly crappy seats that are best avoided.

Don't take exit row seats on any flight that I'm on, though. Thanks.

Also, put your ID into one of these lanyard type deals. They save a lot of time, and identify you as a Savvy Traveler!

The flight out was a breeze, because there was no one in the seat next to me, and the aisle seat would have been empty too, except for the last minute arrival of THE LARGEST MAN IN THE WORLD OR AT LEAST THAT I HAVE SEEN WHICH IS ALL THAT MATTERS. His presence didn't bother me none, since I rarely leave my seat during a flight, but I was rather distracted by just how eye-squintingly large THE LARGEST MAN IN THE WORLD OR AT LEAST THAT I HAVE SEEN WHICH IS ALL THAT MATTERS really was.

The return flight, on the other hand, crawled more slowly than a frozen slug. Which is damn slow, since a frozen slug would be dead and not moving at all. So maybe I'm exaggerating. A bit. It was slow, though. Damn. The reason it was so slow is that I had to listen to my seatmate chat drunkenly with the woman next to him for the entire five and a half hour flight. He was a nice guy and all, but dang. I don't have the ability to block out surrounding voices, so I unwillingly eavesdropped on the entire conversation. (Sample: "Uhh I usually only drink, like, Maker's Mark straight up, because I only want the best. Uhh.")

At some point it dawned upon me that he was trying to flirt with her. I found this fascinating. The fact that I didn't realize that he was flirting with her until three hours into the flight, that is. I am completely clueless when it comes to things like this. That's what happens when you live in a sod hut in rural Montana without electricity or running water. Yes, that is where I am writing this at this very moment. On a computer powered by rock 'n roll!

I'm so tired!

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 69.9.99.146
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 06/08/2004 06:59:32 PM
I sat next to the emergency window, like, three years ago, and I will always remember a stewardess coming over and saying (in a babying voice) "To open it, you would have to be able to lift *fourteen pounds*. Can you do that??" I can lift like 90% of my own weight, so this seemed like an unreasonable question.

My only other flight tip: try to sit next to a priest. Even if you're areligious, you'll still feel better about the whole deal.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.167.32.101
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 06/08/2004 09:15:26 PM
Feeling like you're exploiting the system is every bit as the actual benefit you get from exploiting the system.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 172.169.55.21
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 06/09/2004 08:33:36 AM
Aren't you supposed to be in Cheeseland about now? When are you moving? And damn you for letting the secret of the emergency exit row out. As a tall person, I don't want to see any short people in that row. (But now that it's public, you should also note that the row in front of the emergency exit row is the worst row because you don't have extra leg room and your seat won't recline - on the flipside, the first row of the emergency exit row gives you the leg room and the person in front can't recline into your space, so it's a double-bonus!)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://louveciennes.diaryland.com
DATE: 06/09/2004 09:19:58 AM
Drunken would-be flirter and his ilk are the reason why I ALWAYS have a Discman with me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dayment
EMAIL: dayment@daymented.com
IP: 64.105.86.146
URL: http://www.daymented.com
DATE: 06/09/2004 09:42:45 AM
Thanks for the seatguru tip!

Also, I need canned air AND tacks - so I'll be happy either way!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: lilfobbyegg
EMAIL:
IP: 61.83.210.126
URL:
DATE: 06/10/2004 09:50:16 AM
i feel your pain. on a flight from the east coast to the west coast i was once seated next to a woman who had to use the SEAT BELT EXTENDER!!!! i shuddered as she wedged herself into the seat beside me and curled up into the small space that i had purchased that she didn't spill over into. at least it was an aisle seat and not a window seat. all i know is that i thanked my lucky little stars as i patted my pocket to make sure the valium i had swiped from my mother's bathroom earlier that morning was still safely tucked away for consumption as soon as the beverage cart came around

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.131.43.171
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 06/10/2004 08:33:55 PM
Yeah, thanks for the tip, Unca B. And thanks for teaching me the word lanyard.

She's the Ish to Me
06/11/2004 03:22:17 AM

New: Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Blossom Dearie, "Two Sleepy People" [album]

2. Dan Wilson & Bic Runga, "Good Morning Baby" [album]

3. Too Much Joy, "Drunk And In Love" [album]

4. Rhett Miller, "Four-Eyed Girl" [album]

5. Alice Peacock, "Leading With My Heart" [album]

6. Azure Ray, "Safe And Sound" [album]

7. Alison Krauss, "I Will" [album]

8. Johnny Cash, "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" [album]

9. Robyn Hitchcock, "The Ghost In You" [album]

10. ~~Tenacious D~~ Instant Boy Band, "My Biznitch Is The Shiznit [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: josh
EMAIL: josh@fireland.com
IP: 204.29.196.187
URL: http://www.fireland.com/
DATE: 06/11/2004 07:22:53 AM
I'm afraid that is not Tenacious D, though I can't blame you for thinking so since every filesharer attributes that song to them. For an authentic D love song, I recommend "Double Team" ("Have you ever been worked on / By two guys who are hot for your snatch?").

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 06/11/2004 10:18:22 AM
Hey! This mix is outstanding! But what did you use to make the streaming version? That is a pretty schlick trick!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 06/11/2004 10:21:03 AM
And yes, that IS Tenacious D. I know it doesn't sound like their HBO material, but it is them. :P

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL:
IP: 4.43.142.81
URL:
DATE: 06/11/2004 11:12:41 AM

Well this is interesting. I've had this file around for years and it never occurred to me to question its authorship. But as I was putting this thing together, I did find it weird that the song didn't appear on their album (WHICH I DID LEGALLY OWN AT SOME POINT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH) or DVD. And indeed, at least according to the official(?) faq on their official(?) message board, this song is not by the D but in fact by some fellows known as Instant Boy Band. Color me "pwned"!

I knew I should have posted "Fuck Her Gently" instead. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to upload Björk's cover of "Leaving on a Jet Plane." :P

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 06/11/2004 04:42:10 PM
Color me "pwned" as well.... I stand corrected.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/12/2004 10:12:36 AM
Wonderful mix, B! I'd heard the Johnny Cash one before, but not for a long time. I played it for my husband last night, who at first was a bit put off by Johnny's gravelly voice after having heard only the Roberta Flack version, but he ended up loving it. The other ones were great too.

Thanks!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.162.163.199
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 06/13/2004 08:45:13 PM
Ohh, this one is great!

P.S. Thanks for the heads-up, Scott. ;-)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 06/14/2004 10:19:53 PM
OK... B... How did you make the stream? Please fill me in if you can..

I really dig it.

:-P

In a World That's So Damn Mean
06/14/2004 03:08:02 AM

New: Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. The Corrs, "Summer Sunshine" [album]

2. Frou Frou, "It's Good To Be In Love" [album]

3. The White Stripes, "I'm Finding It Harder To Be A Gentleman" [album]

4. The Shins, "Girl Inform Me" [album]

5. Richard Cheese, "Buddy Holly" [album]

6. Eels, "My Beloved Monster" [album]

7. Joseph Arthur, "Let's Embrace" [album]

8. The Innocence Mission, "I Have Loved You" [album]

9. Ben Harper, "Beloved One" [album]

10. The Sound of Music, "The Lonely Goatherd" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Kate
EMAIL: kate@katemonkey.co.uk
IP: 62.254.0.38
URL: http://katemonkey.co.uk/
DATE: 06/14/2004 04:21:46 AM
Jesus, I don't even have to download the song to permanently and utterly have the freakin' Lonely Goatherd song in my head FOREVER.

Thanks. No, really.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 06/14/2004 06:29:28 AM
That Innocence Mission song is amazingly beautiful.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The 'Ni
EMAIL: darren_kani@yahoo.com
IP: 199.4.18.2
URL: http://www.boykani.com/weblog/weblog.htm
DATE: 06/14/2004 09:18:29 AM
Where is Kool And The Gang's "Joanna"? You holding out on me, B?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rob E.
EMAIL: robe05@sprynet.com
IP: 152.1.24.136
URL: http://home.sprynet.com/~robe05/weblog/
DATE: 06/14/2004 10:53:33 AM
I love the new Streaming option, B, but it seems to be malfunctioning. Even if I click Monday's link, it tries to stream Friday's stuff, which seems to be gone.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 216.153.253.10
URL:
DATE: 06/14/2004 11:39:48 AM
do you jus rip these bad boys from your cfs or do you use something like itunes? i ask because i am thinking of getting an mp3 player and possibly (possibly!) subscribing to an mp3 service, but am looking for thoughts and opinions.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL:
IP: 4.43.142.81
URL:
DATE: 06/14/2004 12:20:47 PM
Sorry dudes, I completely forgot to upload the updated m3u file, which is why the streaming thing didn't work. That's what I get for trying to use my brain at 3 a.m.

Kani...just wait is all I'm saying.

Baki...for the MP3s on here that I actually ripped from my own CDs, instead of obtaining by various RIAA-disapproved methods, I use iTunes to do the conversions. It works well for my purposes. I have also bought stuff from the iTunes Music Store, but don't post that online since it's not in MP3 format.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the beans
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com
IP: 68.83.69.57
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 06/14/2004 12:29:28 PM
But no pithy or heart-breaking offhand remarks in the link TITLE text? I'm sad...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rob E.
EMAIL: robe05@sprynet.com
IP: 152.1.24.136
URL: http://home.sprynet.com/~robe05/weblog/
DATE: 06/14/2004 01:35:26 PM
I don't know, that "left click to play..." comment really got me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL:
IP: 4.43.142.81
URL:
DATE: 06/14/2004 01:36:50 PM
Did I mention 3 a.m.???

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/17/2004 01:32:11 AM
NOOOOOO it's not even Christmas yet and you're playing songs from The Sound of Music????

Just Don't Cross the Streams
06/15/2004 04:10:51 AM

Scott asks:

OK... B... How did you make the stream? Please fill me in if you can.

Why, it's quite simple, Scott! Here's what you do:

1. Upload a crapload of MP3s.

2. Create a plain text file, and list the absolute URLs of each of the MP3 files, like:

http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/vault/muzak/mix/Ben Harper-Beloved One.mp3

(With a carriage return after each item.)

56. Save the text file as whatever.m3u.

D. Upload the .m3u file to your web server.

1. When you go to the .m3u file via whatever the URL is for where you left the file, what should happen is that WinAmp or something like that will suddenly open up and swallow it...or play the song, whatever! Why are you even asking me? Yeah, that's right!

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Dave
EMAIL: dcaolo@mac.com
IP: 4.21.179.70
URL: http://kermittheblog.com
DATE: 06/15/2004 05:16:23 AM
Can't get iTunes to play the stream.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 06/15/2004 06:36:13 AM
I don't understand.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Serenity
EMAIL: serenity@nospamserenitysjournal.com
IP: 66.25.19.216
URL: http://www.serenitysjournal.com
DATE: 06/15/2004 02:52:28 PM
I won't be making a list anytime soon as I don't have THAT much room on my server but I did want to comment on how funny I thought your numbering was to your list.

Little things like that slay me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 172.161.244.184
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 06/15/2004 03:12:29 PM
I'm not so interested in making a stream, but any reference to Ghostbusters is cool with me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.175.60
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 06/15/2004 04:24:08 PM
THANKS B!!!

Hey.. just as I was reading this, we had an earthquake here in San Diego... No joke. I wrote about it in my blog and I am sure you will see it in the news soon. (My URL is in my name)

My Site

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 66.84.175.254
URL:
DATE: 06/15/2004 06:34:32 PM
does this mean we can ask you questions about anything now? for instance, i would like to know how to live happy life, or barring that, become fanulously wealthy. any ideas?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: TV
EMAIL:
IP: 69.164.176.155
URL: http://sanityadrift.blogspot.com/
DATE: 06/15/2004 08:09:37 PM
If this is the Scott that I think it is, he asked this question in order to complete his plot to take over the world...and you just gave him the answer! Look, when we're all slaves to his every whim, don't even think about coming to me complaining, because you won't get any of my sympathy! Of course, if the 'Scott' that wrote this is someone other than Scott Bernard Finkleman, then please just ignore this comment. Sorry about the false alarm.

-----

COMMENT:

AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.208.252.187
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 06/15/2004 08:19:42 PM
Nice, Wendy.

B, if somebody asks you if you're a god, you say YES!!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: curz
EMAIL: curz_@hotmail.com
IP: 4.232.147.7
URL:
DATE: 06/17/2004 12:04:22 AM
i haven't been here in forever fOO. why is you moving to someplace else..barb told me you were moving..and wtf, i should've entered your drawing contest.

WHERE ARE THE COMIX?!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Enigma
EMAIL: enigma@the-enigma.net
IP: 68.81.172.42
URL: http://www.the-enigma.net/blog
DATE: 07/22/2004 09:17:20 AM
thanks b, i knew there had to be some way to do that, but i have one question...

are you an enemy of radio.blog?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Paul
EMAIL: satellite25ca@yahoo.ca
IP: 69.192.202.156
URL: http://www.basicallynonsense.blogspot.com/
DATE: 07/23/2004 04:17:30 PM
Nice reference to Ghostbusters. Who would have thought that crossing the streams would ultimately save New York City??

Like, Three or Four Lists of Things
06/18/2004 02:35:24 AM

I'm sorry for the delay in getting the rest of those drawrings up -- I've been super busy! (Translation: lazier than a sack of cold suet.) In the meantime, here are two or maybe three or four lists.

THINGS I AM NO LONGER AN ENEMY OF IN 2004

Joy
Cell phones
Dairy products
Cell phones with digital cameras in them
PCs
McSweeney's
Special feelings
Xbox
The robins outside my window
"Shite"
Spongebob Squarepants
God and/or Baby Jesus
Frappucinos
A Prairie Home Companion, except for Guy Noir which sucks
Most people

THINGS I AM STILL AN ENEMY OF IN 2004

Cockney rhyming slang
"QuirkyAlone"
Pointless snarkiness
People who think they're all tough and shit
Sestinas
Ira Glass's voice, but not Ira Glass himself
My upstairs neighbor
Gmail (yes, Gmail!!!)
My lousy guitar-playing neighbor who thinks he's James Taylor
James Taylor
Kayaking
"Heh"
White guys with big poofy afros wearing tiny cowboy hats
Guy Noir
Seattle, WA

THINGS I AM NOT AN ENEMY OF, BUT ARE ON THIN ICE WITH ME IN 2004

Quesadillas
Ben Affleck
Unreasoning hatred
Cafe Americanos
Bipolar disorder
Paying by check
Novels about neurotic career women in their late 20's/early 30's who are faced with difficult life decisions such as whether or not they should get married and/or have a baby
Cookies that are neither oatmeal nor sandwich-type cookies
Oddly well-dressed panhandlers
Lead singers who look all anguished
Purists
Revisionists
All holidays
Netflix
Low-rise anything

THINGS I WILL PROBABLY BE AN ENEMY OF IN 2005

Cell phones with digital cameras in them
That damn music
People who voted for Nader and gave the election to Bush again
Star Wars Episode III
My neighbors
Snow
Weblogging
All snarkiness, period
Cars with dashboard mounted GPS navigation
Gmail still
"Bollocks"
A Prairie Home Companion again
MacOS X 10.4
Netflix
Madison, WI

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.234
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 06/18/2004 06:09:04 AM
I have seen fire and I have seeeen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 06/18/2004 08:13:35 AM
If BOB doesn't mind, I'd like to make the following my standard comment:

B, if somebody asks you if you're a god, you say YES!!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jen
EMAIL: jen@verybigdesign.com
IP: 24.209.11.211
URL: http://www.verybigdesign.com/verybigblog
DATE: 06/18/2004 08:29:37 AM
Never Mind the Bollocks.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: teenagesupervillain@yahoo.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/18/2004 09:10:17 AM
So your ultimate enemy would be, like, Ira Glass with a big poofy afro and a tiny cowboy hat kayaking while humming a James Taylor song?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL: volume22@email.com
IP: 205.161.153.199
URL: http://volume22.blogspot.com/
DATE: 06/18/2004 11:16:54 AM
But I love Gmail and "heh".

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 06/18/2004 02:39:48 PM
I'm pretty sure that I conceived my son while James Taylor's Greatist Hits was playing.

Where does that put me on this list?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 06/18/2004 06:06:16 PM
I agree that:
-Star Wars III is going to be terrible
-Gmail is over-hyped. I mean, come on..
-James Taylor.... *snore*
-Guy Noir needs a few drinks
-No one cares about Ashton and Demi anymore
-MacOS virusus will get worse
-Gateway still sucks
-
-Tom Hanks is cloned

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rori
EMAIL: rori@nospam.com
IP: 69.170.82.168
URL: http://www.onegirlslife.com
DATE: 06/18/2004 10:07:41 PM
James Taylor? *barf* He did a duet with Alison Krauss on some show and it was like GIVE IT A REST, James.

I want to steal your list. I just might. Try and stop me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 06/18/2004 10:14:30 PM
I've always thought that I would have a total crush on Ira Glass if he just didn't sound like Ira Glass.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 69.140.23.48
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 06/18/2004 11:05:45 PM
Heh, I'm somehow no longer an enemy of cell phones, special feelings, and Xbox, either. Those changes totally caught me off-guard, especially Xbox, although I'm still not a fan of bullying developers into making games exclusive to single platforms.

Still allied with "Heh," though.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: filmgoerjuan
EMAIL: fgjuan@telus.net
IP: 154.20.146.119
URL: http://blog.filmgoerjuan.com/index.php
DATE: 06/19/2004 12:16:06 AM
Are you looking for a G-Mail invite, B? Because I could probably hook you up with one...so you could hate it firsthand, that is ;)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Leslie
EMAIL:
IP: 12.72.33.37
URL:
DATE: 06/19/2004 01:06:34 AM
Come on, B. What have you got against sestinas? I've known some lovely sestinas in my time. One of my favorites is "The Ghost of Foghorn Leghorn Speaks of Unrequited Love". How can you not love a sestina with a title like that, and a first line that reads "I said, listen to me, boy. Only the stars know."? It's by Paul Guest, you can read it somewhere out there on the web.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
EMAIL:
IP: 68.60.220.234
URL:
DATE: 06/19/2004 06:20:54 PM
I agree with a lot of that, but Prarrie home companion? That's great stuff.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chinh
EMAIL: chinh@chinh.org
IP: 24.6.195.128
URL: http://www.chinh.org
DATE: 06/20/2004 10:51:28 AM
uh oh! I have a GPS... but I think GPS are good to have! It will prevent me from driving in the wrong direction... INTO YOU! Yeah... we don't want to mess up that pretty Porsche that you have now, don't we?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.172.192.176
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 06/20/2004 07:34:48 PM
I really like the idea of figuring out what things you will hate next year.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dayment
EMAIL: dayment@daymented.com
IP: 24.18.227.13
URL: http://www.daymented.com
DATE: 06/20/2004 09:37:30 PM
You will be an enemy of Blogging in 2005? Don't you dare!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/21/2004 01:17:40 AM
i have MANY GMAIL INVITES. m ha ha ha...if you want, i can give.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.81
URL:
DATE: 06/21/2004 01:25:54 AM
Nooooo, no Gmail invites! I'm against that!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 69.9.99.249
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 06/21/2004 07:49:36 PM
I'd take James Taylor over Jimmy Buffett any day. (But only that.)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sam
EMAIL: samh@ilp.com
IP: 195.217.242.33
URL:
DATE: 06/22/2004 01:22:44 AM
I am amazed you hate cockney rhyming slang.

Not that it isn't annoying, but that americans actually know what it is.

As they say, ignorance is bliss.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: lil engine
EMAIL:
IP: 150.176.245.171
URL:
DATE: 06/23/2004 09:53:54 AM
b-

what up w/ the osx hate? and pc's should ALWAYS occupy a permanent space on the old enemy list. omg--i hope bill g. hasn't gotten to you..tell me it aint so..

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Joelle
EMAIL: muse@tenth-muse.com
IP: 68.8.8.45
URL: http://www.tenth-muse.com
DATE: 07/06/2004 04:52:54 PM
Oh sweet jesus. Guy Noir sucks more than my stepmom... and that's a lot.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Paul
EMAIL: satellite25ca@yahoo.ca
IP: 69.192.202.156
URL: http://www.basicallynonsense.blogspot.com/
DATE: 07/23/2004 04:15:32 PM
My lousy guitar-playing neighbor who thinks he's James Taylor
James Taylor

Ha! That's funny.

Here Comes Your Man
06/21/2004 03:15:34 AM

Update: bwoken file problems should now all be resolved now. You may now resume illicit activity!

Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Garbage, "#1 Crush" [album]

2. The Sultans, "I Wanna Be With You Tonight" [album]

3. K-Otic, "Damn (I Think I Love You)" [album]

4. Paul McCartney, "Maybe I'm Amazed" [album]

5. Michelle Branch, "It's You" [album]

6. Teitur, "I Was Just Thinking" [album]

7. Lucinda Williams, "Something About What Happens When We Talk" [album]

8. Elvis Costello, "They'll Never Take Her Love From Me" [album]

9. Finch, "Letters To You" [album]

10. Pixies, "Here Comes Your Man" [album]

11. Jane Birkin & Serge Gainsbourg, "Je T'aime Moi Non Plus" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: not really freddie mac
EMAIL: freddiemac@notreally.com
IP: 216.153.253.10
URL:
DATE: 06/21/2004 05:33:17 AM
it may just be the computer i am on because it is a lowlife scumsucking p.o.s., but the 3 tunes i have checked out have sounded all "digitally under watery" and stuff. they were the garbage tune, the michelle branch tune, and the sultans tune. when i play other mp3s on my extremely bitchyassy computer, they seem to play okay.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 06/21/2004 06:32:18 AM
awww, bwoken!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: james
EMAIL: james@subdot.com
IP: 206.207.78.39
URL:
DATE: 06/21/2004 08:44:56 AM
I'm getting the same problem. Jacked mp3 encoding, I think.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rob E.
EMAIL: robe05@sprynet.com
IP: 152.1.24.136
URL: http://home.sprynet.com/~robe05/weblog/
DATE: 06/21/2004 10:25:43 AM
Oh, good. I mean, not good, but I thought any young punk could play mp3s off the internet these days, but it seemed to be beyond me. Either that, kids music these days all sounds the same, even Paul McCartney. So I guess I'm glad the problem lies somewhere apart from my poor, perplexed mind for a change.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
EMAIL:
IP: 130.191.17.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com
DATE: 06/21/2004 11:53:52 AM
Dang! Good tunes, that I can tell from a quick glance. What FTP program do you use? I have gone through a few, but never found one I liked. I am using SmartFTP right now...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.81
URL:
DATE: 06/21/2004 12:50:46 PM
I'm on a Mac, so I like Transmit best. I haven't used a lot of Windows FTP programs, but I'm also a SmartFTP kinda guy.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.129.152
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 06/21/2004 02:05:49 PM
Whoa, you weren't kidding about that NC-17 rating on #11!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/21/2004 08:09:02 PM
You are? When will you be here?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: not really freddie mac
EMAIL: freddniemac@notreally.com
IP: 216.153.253.10
URL:
DATE: 06/22/2004 05:28:52 AM
ooh! ooh! can we do requests?!?! ooh! ooh! how about a mid- to late-90s alternative thing? like veruca salt and the like?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/22/2004 04:38:53 PM
OMG! I'd completely forgotten about #11! How wonderful to hear it again after all these years...very cool, B, thanks...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Thid
EMAIL: shepherd@greensheep.net
IP: 65.3.141.31
URL:
DATE: 06/23/2004 08:58:45 AM
Any chance you could put these back up for a bit? I just got my internet connection back after three days of nothing. Have pity on a poor soul?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.81
URL:
DATE: 06/23/2004 09:01:16 AM
They should still be up -- is there a particular file that's not loading?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Thid
EMAIL: shepherd@greensheep.net
IP: 65.3.141.31
URL:
DATE: 06/23/2004 11:10:53 AM
::groan:: It was just my damn computer. Got them all on my work machine, though. I love these, by the way. Sometimes it's the only good thing about Monday.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keith
EMAIL: keith@realityremixed.com
IP: 68.233.228.97
URL: http://www.realityremixed.com
DATE: 07/10/2004 02:28:37 AM
Just stumbled across your blog and had to say that this is a good mix -- love the inclusion of the Finch & Garbage tracks!

More Drawrings!
06/25/2004 04:30:31 AM

Finally, the rest of the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet That Includes At Least One Alien Drawrings! To everyone who submitted a drawring and also a mailing address, your stuff is on the way. I'm pretty sure none of it was coughed on, but I can't make any promises.

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: oldtimey
EMAIL: grr@grrgrr.com
IP: 69.9.99.187
URL: http://www.three-rings.com/oldtimey
DATE: 06/26/2004 03:42:56 PM
I got my B dose of culture schlock today in the mail! Thank you very much for the Packet No. J 27 Sub-Mariner ephemera and the three bulls! And so's you know, I *did* save the bubble-pak envelope and will require your new address so I can send a 'welcome-to-the-neighborhood' token of my affection . .

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 68.42.114.87
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 06/29/2004 04:47:55 PM
I got my Tchotchke today--and it's sooo cute! Thanks B :)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.14
URL: http://flowerhead.com
DATE: 07/02/2004 09:59:51 PM
Jar Jar in the buffet cracked me up!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 07/14/2004 09:54:11 PM
woot! B is Back!

I have been trying to finish 3 papers for my "Chicano History" class that is a requirement for graduation. Summer school is just not as hip as it used to be back in the 1980's. What ever happened to the surfer substitute teacher that prefered field trips?

The real downer is that I have to type these suckers out tonight and my 76 pound dog is asleep next to me with some terrible gas.

Whatchya doing in Madison? Is that a permanent stop? I could read prior posts, but I am fighting off tears, thanks to my dog.

Roll This Truckin' Convoy
06/25/2004 05:15:03 AM

This is my last post for a while...I'm on the road! Be good. And no, we're not there yet.

Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Tenacious D, "The Road" [album]

2. R.E.M. "Can't Get There From Here" [album]

3. Willie Nelson, "On The Road Again" [album]

4. C.W. McCall, "Convoy" [album]

5. Roger Miller, "King Of The Road" [album]

6. Jevetta Steele, "Calling You" [album]

7. Del Amitri, "Driving With The Brakes On" [album]

8. Bruce Springsteen, "Thunder Road" [album]

9. Roy Orbison, "I Drove All Night" [album]

10. Journey, "Faithfully" [album]

11. Theme from "Knight Rider" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 216.153.253.10
URL:
DATE: 06/25/2004 06:17:20 AM
how very hobbit-like! happy and safe travels! good journey!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the beans
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com
IP: 68.83.69.57
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 06/25/2004 07:31:49 AM
Wah! The Jevetta Steele song isn't there for me, and I'm sad because I love that song and that movie! Oh well, I've got it streaming in my head now, anyway... :)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 63.167.178.72
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net/
DATE: 06/25/2004 07:51:16 AM
Happy trails!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL:
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 06/25/2004 07:58:19 AM
Be safe and don't let the dog(s) cover your eyes with their paws!!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.43.142.81
URL:
DATE: 06/25/2004 08:37:55 AM
Thanks, guys! Also: that one Jevetta Steele song should be fixed now!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.170.149.38
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 06/25/2004 10:56:34 AM
My sentiments can best be expressed by the lyrics of "Don't Worry, Baby" by the Beach Boys: "She makes me come alive and makes me wanna drive!"

Hope you have a great trip, B!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: filmgoerjuan
EMAIL: fgjuan@telus.net
IP: 154.20.146.119
URL: http://blog.filmgoerjuan.com/index.php
DATE: 06/26/2004 01:41:07 AM
Good luck with the trip, B. We'll miss you while you're gone!

(And now to plot with Suzette for taking over this Weirdsmobile place...)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://simplythebest.net/sounds/WAV/ WAV_files/commercial_WAV_files/ alkaseltzer.wav
DATE: 06/27/2004 01:40:53 PM
Hurry back! Great driving tunes, too...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: melly
EMAIL: jezemelly@yahoo.com
IP: 24.26.248.8
URL: http://ordinarymorning.net
DATE: 06/27/2004 09:24:42 PM
I fucking love this Journey song. Don't tell anybody though. Well, except for everyone who reads your blog.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/28/2004 06:58:40 AM
hope you enjoy your journey.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvlicious1@yahoo.com
IP: 66.237.70.170
URL: http://realworldbloggerstyle.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/28/2004 12:35:38 PM
(are we there yet?)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
EMAIL:
IP: 68.124.57.252
URL:
DATE: 06/28/2004 06:37:19 PM
we saw this wannaB at blockbuster. i swear it looked like you in the picture of you on the toilet. the one in japan or korea or someplace.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: barb
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.124.57.252
URL:
DATE: 06/28/2004 06:38:29 PM
that last comment was me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 06/29/2004 11:05:56 AM
I hope you enjoyed your trip, B! Btw, I saw Roy Orbison on his last tour (I think it was his last) sometime in the early nineties. We didn't quite know what to expect, I mean, he was like *70* by then, wasn't he? But he was awesome! Still hit the notes, still sounded amazing. Great show.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL:
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 06/29/2004 11:52:16 AM
Have a super safe trip! Great mix down btw. You make me happy! :)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.188.149.72
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 06/29/2004 05:18:35 PM
Cool mix - I love that R.E.M. song, and haven't heard that Roy Orbison tune before. Roy rocks!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.197.197.209
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 06/29/2004 10:41:30 PM
You know, just tonight, I was thumbing through a "History of Spiderman" collection and was struck by the resemblance of the original Doc Ock depictions to Roy Orbison with a bowl hair cut.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the beans
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com
IP: 68.83.69.57
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 07/03/2004 08:23:20 AM
Oh. My. God, B!! I just got my tchotchke from you, and it's a book I didn't have yet by one of my favorite authors! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: panajane
EMAIL: panajane@hotmail.com
IP: 143.166.255.16
URL: http://panajane.blogspot.com
DATE: 07/05/2004 03:08:32 PM
Come back soon! I'm moving soon and I just realized how much unnecessary crap I have. It's all crap! Pointy elf hat? Check. Snow white outfit complete with red cape and yellow full length skirt? Check. Bar maid outfit filched from dead old lady? Check. Complete set of baby teeth and wisdom teeth saved after all these years? Check. Not looking forward to moving.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Queenie
EMAIL: not@hotmail.com
IP: 66.185.84.209
URL: http://www.ohthepressure.blogspot.com
DATE: 07/09/2004 11:28:20 PM
This is an awesome looking blog.

Update: Not Dead
07/14/2004 12:06:56 PM

Greetings from Madison, Wisconsin. I actually got into town a while ago, but I haven't had internet access until now.

So. What's new?

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: madmathias
EMAIL: flingus@hotmail.com
IP: 63.168.240.126
URL: http://madmathias.blogspot.com
DATE: 07/14/2004 12:55:17 PM
what in the blue hell brings you to my neck of the woods? well, milwaukee is actually my neck, but close enough.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Lauren
EMAIL: web@feministe.us
IP: 128.211.162.150
URL: http://feministe.us/blog
DATE: 07/14/2004 01:33:09 PM
Watching crazy lesbian movies, thinking of moving myself, throwing away half of everything I own... the usual.

Pictures!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandstrangers.blogspot.com
DATE: 07/14/2004 02:11:10 PM
Missed ya, B. Was about to start spreading weird internet rumors about you to see if you would surface. My favorite was the one with the flying monkeys.

Glad you made it safely :>

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbara
EMAIL: fakesocks@sbcglobal.net
IP: 68.124.57.252
URL:
DATE: 07/14/2004 03:12:14 PM
Why did you move anyway? For the peach pies?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.163.45.68
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 07/14/2004 06:34:46 PM
I gots your detritus! Now I can bash Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel and be as cool as the rabid Fallout diehards. (Or if it turns out I like it, I can bury that knowledge deep down inside for my own safety.)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana/
DATE: 07/14/2004 09:56:23 PM
woot! B is Back!

I have been trying to finish 3 papers for my "Chicano History" class that is a requirement for graduation. Summer school is just not as hip as it used to be back in the 1980's. What ever happened to the surfer substitute teacher that prefered field trips?

The real downer is that I have to type these suckers out tonight and my 76 pound dog is asleep next to me with some terrible gas.

Whatchya doing in Madison? Is that a permanent stop? I could read prior posts, but I am fighting off tears, thanks to my dog.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: wabbit@groovebunny.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://www.groovebunny.com/blog
DATE: 07/14/2004 10:06:39 PM
yAy! You made it safely!:) Good to see an update!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 07/15/2004 01:58:20 AM
well, our performance review was cancelled...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 216.153.253.10
URL:
DATE: 07/15/2004 05:37:51 AM
hope mad-town has at least a bit of what you are looking for, and remember, it's not the heat, it's the humidity

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: desiree@mkburke.com
IP: 66.237.70.170
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 07/15/2004 11:16:03 AM
WI better be taking good care of you... and if not, i'm gonna send my buddy madmathias in to make it right.

;)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rengirl
EMAIL: imac@pixelsensei.com
IP: 12.22.65.5
URL:
DATE: 07/15/2004 12:42:22 PM
[Insert clever/witty welcome back blurb here]

Glad to hear you're still in one piece!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 07/19/2004 08:25:45 AM
B! You're back! Yowser! So, what's new with you, that's the question!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jessica
EMAIL: jessica@peacedividend.com
IP: 66.117.128.123
URL: http://www.peacedividend.com
DATE: 07/31/2004 11:11:02 AM
I've been grooving to my detrital Crime Jazz CD.

And you've been snapping photos of your new town to share with your public?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Ms. Lyndsay
EMAIL:
IP: 64.12.116.131
URL: http://www.innercatharsis.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/01/2004 02:43:55 PM
Oooo I love Madison WI, it is my very truly happy place. I hope you enjoyed your visit.

Now We Are Here
07/15/2004 01:20:11 AM

Old: Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Claudine Longet, "Here, There And Everywhere" [album]

2. Puffy AmiYumi, "Your Love Is A Drug" [album]

3. Mel Tormé, "Too Darn Hot" [album]

4. Wilco, "Hummingbird" [album]

5. Lucinda Williams, "I Just Wanted To See You So Bad" [album]

6. Mason Jennings, "Ballad For My One True Love" [album]

7. Tori Amos, "Lovesong" [album]

8. Weezer, "You Gave Your Love To Me Softly" [album]

9. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, "Danny's Song" [album]

10. Olivia Newton-John, "Xanadu" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the beans
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com
IP: 68.83.69.57
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 07/15/2004 05:29:44 PM
Oh B, I missed you. And your Mix.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mus
EMAIL:
IP: 80.188.213.167
URL:
DATE: 07/16/2004 01:34:40 AM
I love Xanadu, too. I will even admit to liking the ELO songs. I hang my head in shame.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com
DATE: 07/16/2004 08:40:18 PM
Me First! I love those guys..

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rori
EMAIL: rori@nospam.com
IP: 69.170.82.168
URL: http://www.onegirlslife.com
DATE: 07/17/2004 06:57:37 PM
Thank you! Not many people recognize the talent of Claudine Longet.

*grins*

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.132.64.201
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 07/18/2004 10:02:47 AM
I missed ya soooo much. Hope your new place rocks!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL:
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 07/19/2004 08:55:48 AM
B, missed your mix, a LOT! Okay, I'm in love with Mel Torme now. This is my third time listening to that. What a smooth voice; wow. Didn't they call him the Velvet Crooner or Velvet Voice something?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 07/20/2004 07:58:14 AM
Hi Amber--I think he's the Velvet Fog!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jima
EMAIL: jima@legnog.com
IP: 207.7.7.214
URL: http://www.empty-handed.com/
DATE: 07/20/2004 08:54:45 AM
He's the Velvet Glove Cast In Iron.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 24.130.148.156
URL:
DATE: 07/22/2004 12:25:43 AM
I'm pleased to be in the company of people with such sterling taste. :)

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: marymary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.4.20
URL:
DATE: 08/02/2004 07:43:45 AM
Xanadu soundtrack is timeless!

BTW, if I knew that the quickest way for a girl to get to your heart is to shoot someone...

;-)

Oh I Just Don't Know Where to Begin
07/22/2004 12:55:45 AM

I meant to post a "no entries for a while because I'm out of town without internet access...again" entry before I went out of town without internet access...again, but I plumb forgot. And I actually do have internet access now, which frankly is a minor miracle considering where I am. So here's an entry.

A brief rundown:

I'm at my parents' house. It's unbelievably hot in here. I'm going batshit. The crazy thing is, they just had an air conditioner installed yesterday, but they won't run it. Why? Because it's too cold. WTF? I'm flopped out on the floor in a t-shirt and shorts, drenched in sweat, and meanwhile my mother's huddled under a blanket. These people are not from this world. I'd suspect that they were part Bedouin, but what Bedouin watches the Golf Channel? Obsessively? Their odd behavior begins to make sense, though, when I realize that they are both stark raving mad.

I'm in town for my little sister's wedding. First of all, what the hell?

Say You Miss Me
08/02/2004 01:44:05 AM

Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Strong Bad, "Let's Get Started On Doing All Those Awesome Things I Suggested" [album]

2. Shonen Knife, "Daydream Believer" [album]

3. Wilco, "Say You Miss Me" [album]

4. The Magnetic Fields, "The Luckiest Guy On The East Side" [album]

5. Morrissey, "I Like You" [album]

6. Nine Inch Nails, "The Perfect Drug" [album]

7. Mazzy Star, "Give You My Lovin'" [album]

8. Tom Waits, "I'll Never Let Go Of Your Hand" [album]

9. Pinhead Gunpowder, "Mahogany" [album]

10. Le Tigre, "Let's Run" [album]

11. Owen Wilson, "Don't Give Up On Us" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: marymary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.4.20
URL:
DATE: 08/02/2004 07:34:49 AM
B, I really miss you! Hope all is well with your move!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: marymary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.4.20
URL:
DATE: 08/02/2004 07:41:30 AM
BTW, I'm so spoiled with the no-humidity-and-no-hotter-than-mid-80s Colorado, that last time I visited Kansas ("Kansas -- Proof that our God is a vengeful one!") and my parents wouldn't turn on the A/C, I told them that I would never again visit them unless they turned it on when I visited, AND that it is the height of rudeness not to turn on the A/C when they have company, AND if they are so poor that they can't spring for 3 days A/C when I spent hundreds of dollars to go see them, then I would help them fill out the ap for food stamps. Needless to say, the A/C is always on when I visit!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susanpatton@spamcop.net
IP: 66.188.149.72
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 08/02/2004 08:28:28 AM
I miss you! Hope you're enjoying the cheese and cow state.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Enigma
EMAIL: enigma@the-enigma.net
IP: 68.81.172.42
URL: http://www.the-enigma.net/blog
DATE: 08/02/2004 10:27:18 AM
a dozen hand towels and a bunch of socks? there's a joke in there somewhere but i am too damn hot to think of it. i think my brain is melting. seriously, can that happen?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 63.167.178.72
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net/
DATE: 08/02/2004 11:28:56 AM
Whoa - a secret weblog entry hidden in mouseovers. Ninja-like!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jennifer
EMAIL: jenmoon@pacbell.net
IP: 169.237.72.102
URL: http://fullmoon.typepad.com/chaos
DATE: 08/02/2004 04:09:56 PM
I'm a California native, and my parents refused to get air conditioning at all until I'd moved out of the house. Imagine my pain.

Though I suppose it worked out- the area I moved to is about the same climate, and having a phenomenal heat tolerance built up over 19 years means that I save the bucks on the electric bill.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: wabbit@groovebunny.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://www.groovebunny.com/blog
DATE: 08/02/2004 06:24:50 PM
I do miss you B! Hope all is well! :D

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: The Raz
EMAIL: KevinRazban@cox.net
IP: 68.5.116.38
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/kevin
DATE: 08/02/2004 10:04:43 PM
Sorry we didn't get a chance to hook up! Bummer.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana
DATE: 08/03/2004 02:49:31 PM
Well, it's good to see you back...

I have to go to a wedding this Friday, but my work wants to send me to a webpage making class. I want to skip out of the wedding so bad, but my wife would kill me.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvlicious1@yahoo.com
IP: 66.237.70.170
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 08/03/2004 06:16:25 PM
any chance i can lure you back to the west coast with naked pillow fighting?

(miss you tons)

xo

----- COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.232.39.179
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 08/03/2004 11:09:55 PM
Hey! No fair, you were supposed to tell me when you were going to be here!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.232.39.179
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 08/03/2004 11:13:42 PM
Oh, and P.S.

Shouldn't the section about the man holding your hand at the wedding been the rollover text for the Tom Waits song "I'll Never Let Go Of Your Hand"? Seems a bit mixed up.

I Have Completed My Arduous Cross-Country Move and Am Ready to Begin Complaining About Yet Another City
08/04/2004 03:21:14 AM

THINGS I ALREADY CAN'T STAND ABOUT MADISON EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE LIKE A WEEK FOR PETE'S SAKE

1. The street map looks like it was drawn using pencils glued to the bellies of lobotomized lab mice. I realize that this is a problem in every city, except those freaky graph-paper-grid cities that were actually planned out in advance. But what the hell? No, really: what? For instance, John Nolen Drive intersects with this little side street which is also John Nolen Drive. So it's actually possible to stand at the corner of John Nolen Drive and John Nolen Drive. What! The streets here were evidently laid out by the same guys who designed the Labyrinth in Crete, the one in that myth with the Minotaur. You know who I mean, right? Yup: Cretins. Ha ha ha.

LOL?

2. Supermarkets: Madison's best kept secret. What's with the supermarket situation around here? In most towns, they're not only ubiquitous but practically blind you with their gigantic neon signs every time you turn a corner. Here, though, they all seem to be tucked away into weird side streets, as if they're being hidden for some mysterious reason. What's the deal? Was there some kind of anti-supermarket ordinance passed here while I was gone? One store, Copp's, I didn't even know was a supermarket until I peeked into the windows, because the sign looks like some kind of department store sign, and from the outside it's hard to discern any supermarketish markings unless you're really paying attention. Weird.

3. Copp's. This supermarket just bothers me for some reason. I think because when you go in it very quickly becomes evident that they're trying way too hard.

4. No Trader Joe's. This is so wrong in so many ways that my hands tremble with outrage as I type these words. Not really -- I just said that for effect. But I am genuinely disappointed by the TJ-lessness of this town. Why? Because the only comparable alternative, at least as far as I can tell so far, is the omnipresent Whole Foods Market, which is basically Trader Joe's if Trader Joe's were the embodiment of everything one dreads and fears about the concept of an organic supermarket: underwhelming food sold at overwhelming prices. $9 for guacamole? What!

5. The Madison Public Library System: What's With? This being a big college town and all, I was sort of hoping that the public library here would absorb some of that brain power and evolve into a high-tech, state-of-the-art facility. But sadly, no. The website is blah, and both of the branches I have visited are tiny and smell like gym socks. Get a modern library system! Morans

6. The drivers. Right-of-way? What's that? Who needs what right away? Oh yeah, I remember: me! I need to make right and left turns right away, regardless of traffic lights, other cars, or any existing traffic laws. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go scrape off the "No Fear" decal from the rear window of my ridiculously lifted pickup truck and paste on a bunch of fake bullet hole decals.

This list makes it sound like I don't like Madison. Not true! I'm simply upholding the timeless tradition of bitching and moaning for the sake of bitching and moaning. This weblog will not turn into a Madison version of this site, although that weblog is frickin' hilarious. But that ain't me. No sir, no way. I like Madison. In fact, here are a few...

THINGS I REALLY LIKE ABOUT MADISON SO FAR

1. The movie theater situation doesn't suck. Not only is this town generously endowed with art house theaters and film groups, but there's a nice big soulless stadium-seating multiplex down the street for all your soulless multiplex needs. Huzzah!

2. At least one grocery store is pretty cool. I was initially contemptuous of the Cub Foods supermarket in my neighborhood (when I finally located it, that is) but my early impressions (supersized gas station food mart) were mistaken. For some reason, Cub Foods has this awesome ethnic food section where you can find weird stuff like jars of ghee, obscure (and sketchy) brands of Chinese ramen, and something like six brands of Mexican soda. What!

3. Bratwurst, Bratwurst, Bratwurst! Need I say more? No! But if I did say more, you know what I'd say? That's right: Bratwurst!

4. The city doesn't seem to have completely transformed into one big frickin' postmodern strip mall like Seattle. However, you can see it going there. I give this town five more years. Okay, eight. I'm sorry. But really, it's not so bad. I think it's good that Madison now has a Bed Bath & Beyond. No, really. It's not a Sign. Would you like another organic, nitrate-free, chicken-rosemary bratwurst?

5. I don't have a lame ass upstairs neighbor who gets stoned and howls out his window like Robert Plant would if you kicked him in the balls. That guy was reasons 1-3, 7 and 9 for moving the hell out of Seattle. Dag, yo!

6. That Special Midwestern Charm. There's something about being landlocked between massive continental tectonic plates that makes you feel all snug and cozy. Also, I like the people here so far because they don't come across as fake-nice like in Seattle. If you're a surly bastard you act like a surly bastard, and if you're nice you actually seem nice and not like you're just wearing a nice mask to cover up your craven passive-aggressive...all right, I'm off of the Seattle thing. No more Seattle! It's over -- over!

7. Tornadoes. I know that for some people tornadoes are a minus, but I dig 'em. One great thing about Wisconsin weather is that it isn't half-assed. Either you're freezing your teats off or smoldering like an overcooked pork roast or there's your Ford Focus sailing over the neighbor's roof. I love that. If you've gotta go, I think the coolest way would be to get carried off by a twister. Because come on!

Ahh, that was cathartic. By the way, thanks to everyone who wrote to say hello or ask what the hell happened to me, even though I'm a lazy, ill-mannered bastard who never responds to frickin' e-mail. Also, apologies to my friends living in the L.A. area to whom I repeatedly said "Dude! We totally have to meet up the next time I'm in L.A.!" over the past year, only to go there and leave without saying a word to anybody. What's with that?

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: wabbit@groovebunny.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://www.groovebunny.com/blog
DATE: 08/04/2004 03:37:03 AM
Ahhh there ya are Mr. B. Back in action! :D

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Dennis
EMAIL: medosin@hotmail.com
IP: 172.195.213.131
URL: http://medosin.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/04/2004 04:01:57 AM
yeah, i missed you, sexy.

and i totally agree with you on the extreme weather thing.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/04/2004 04:10:47 AM
lobotomised mice???? ha ha ha...

well it is great you are settling in. i look forward to photos of REAL TORNADOES!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/04/2004 04:15:24 AM
I take back the lobotomized mice comment. Lobotomized mice could design a more coherent street layout than what we have here.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mike
EMAIL: mike@whybark.com
IP: 216.173.212.237
URL: http://mike.whybark.com
DATE: 08/04/2004 09:07:19 AM
"Get a modern library system! Morans"

This led to hot coffee being snorted out my nose. My lawyers will be in touch.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/04/2004 09:15:32 AM
Score!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jessica
EMAIL: jessica@peacedividend.com
IP: 66.117.128.123
URL: http://www.peacedividend.com
DATE: 08/04/2004 10:19:16 AM
What Mike said. Also: is it good or bad that we all get the reference? I'm going with good.

Another cool thing about Madison, if you like skateboarding or watching people skateboard, is the proliferation of skate parks. [Berkeley only has one (it also has pencil-laden lsd-fortified mice).] {A Madison skate team came to stay at my house during the SF Jaks' Team(?) woohoo cutie-pie anarchist skater days of the early 80s. I still have fond memories. Mm. Hm. }

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jesse!
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.166.23.195
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 08/04/2004 10:55:21 AM
all hail ghee!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: june
EMAIL: junemiller31@hotmail.com
IP: 206.40.41.253
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/pinstripe_bindi
DATE: 08/04/2004 10:57:13 AM
Does Cub Foods carry Goya Cola Champagne?! If it does, I may have to move to Madison.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 63.167.178.72
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net/
DATE: 08/04/2004 01:22:32 PM
Whoa, Cub Foods got with it. I used to live near one and not only was it lacking in ethnic foods, the general quality was about one step above Aldi's, whose logo is carved in the lowest position on the grocery store totem pole.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Serenity
EMAIL: serenity@nospamserenitysjournal.com
IP: 67.163.115.253
URL: http://www.serenitysjournal.com
DATE: 08/04/2004 02:06:34 PM
And if they got a better library, you would know that "moran" is spelled, "moron"...unless that's the Wisconsin way to spell it.

Spelling b.s. aside...I am delighted you are back. This is one of my favorite blogs because it is consistently funny. And congratulations for getting the hell out of that craphole, Seattle. I did last year as well. Feels good doesn't it?

Enjoy your new digs and get your ass back to writing and updating frequently. You have duties to your readers damnit!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/04/2004 02:15:05 PM
Serenity: Don't tell me you haven't seen this! If you haven't, please to check it out for top quality laffs.

Jim: I know what you mean about Cub Foods. I think I was biased against the place because of my memories of it when I lived here last. (I was here when they opened the first one in Madison...*old man cackle*) It was pretty lame. I don't know if all of the ones in town are like this one, but this one's pretty cool.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 08/04/2004 02:15:34 PM
Oh, Serenity. ::whoosh::

:D

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/04/2004 06:15:06 PM
B,

That's why I'm in love you--because you only ever spell things incorrectly on purpose.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Elizabeth
EMAIL: eclare78@hotmail.com
IP: 24.165.108.156
URL: http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/04/2004 06:15:37 PM
...or possibly in love WITH you, I'm not sure yet...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.143.143.252
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 08/04/2004 09:57:58 PM
It's awesome to have you back, B.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana
DATE: 08/05/2004 07:08:40 PM
What about coffee? Is there anything to compete with Starbucks over there? At least the movie theatres are massive... that is always nice.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/06/2004 07:04:40 AM
I haven't fully explored the coffee situation yet, but when I first arrived here from Seattle, one of my first thoughts was, "What, aren't there any drive-thru espresso stands?" Then, realizing the import of those words, I hung my head in shame. Deep shame.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 4.232.216.190
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 08/06/2004 09:40:03 AM
Welcome back! I feel better already. And I hear you about the Trader Joe's. I am so excited to be living near one again. Do you need anything? I could send it to you.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Re(de)spondent
EMAIL: ???@???.com
IP: 165.121.33.147
URL:
DATE: 08/07/2004 11:57:08 AM
I am secretly posting this; my one guilty pleasure when I return to the 'womb with a view' is Culver's - hail Culvers! and the all-mighty butter-burger!!!

Not to mention frozen custard, oh man, none in the Northwest - what is the problem with that???

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: punkindunkin
EMAIL:
IP: 198.208.6.35
URL: http://www.nummybearcentral.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/07/2004 12:15:13 PM
Grocery Stores:

I was raised on Woodman's. Cheapest in town, but you gotta put up with the dirty produce section. Cub's produce rocks but they have no selection in the rest of the store. Every other grocery store is too expensive or too small to mention.

Things to do to be more at home there:
-Sit on Memorial Union Terrace with a beer and watch the free Friday night concerts
-Drive the Beltline at rush hour..hahaha
-Visit the Capital dome and hock a loogie over the side of the outdoor balcony
-Taste of Madison in September
-eat a Culvers butter burger..mmmmm
-get a membership to Four Star Video

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/07/2004 12:32:30 PM
It's funny that you guys mention the Culver's butter burger, because I was just there the other day -- or rather, I circled it warily several times, trying to figure out just what the hell it was. The sign says "Frozen Custard ButterBurgers." I thought, "What the hell are frozen custard butterburgers? Burgers with frozen custard? What huh?" I would have just driven past, except the parking lot of the place was packed! I couldn't figure it out. What was the appeal of these "butter burgers"? So I figured I'd go into the drive thru, but when it came time to order I got cold feet and zoomed away really fast. Based on these recommendations, though, I'll have to give it another shot.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: teenagesupervillain@yahoo.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/08/2004 05:07:52 PM
Drive-through espresso stands and the Midwest just don't go together. I say this because a tiny drive-through espresso stand mysteriously appeared in the parking lot of a strip mall near my house, and it is the saddest, loneliest thing ever.

Now, strip malls and the Midwest...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: a
EMAIL:
IP: 24.247.228.116
URL:
DATE: 08/08/2004 07:37:50 PM
If yer looking for cheap ethnic grocery products, Woodman's really is a special place. Miles of cheese too, which is always a bonus.

It ain't no Trader Joe's, but the Willy St Co-Op is usually cheaper than Whole Paycheck for yuppie food. The near east side is full of coffee joints. Hippies, too, so beware!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barb
EMAIL:
IP: 68.124.59.47
URL:
DATE: 08/09/2004 01:10:49 AM
hey b

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvlicious1@yahoo.com
IP: 64.160.146.141
URL: http://dvl.buzznet.com
DATE: 08/09/2004 04:20:53 AM
where's all that late night hand holding goodness gone?

Neat
08/04/2004 10:57:30 AM

Today in Alternate History. (Via Inconsequential Natter.)

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Pauly D
EMAIL: paulseth@earthlink.net
IP: 4.61.195.233
URL: http://pauldavidson.blogs.com
DATE: 08/08/2004 12:09:34 PM
Although it appears as if I clicked on that link at the moment I first saw it, the alternate history website says that (a) I do not exist, and (b) that I never visited the site to begin with.

Weird stuff.

My Huckleberry Friend
08/09/2004 09:08:24 AM

Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. The Texas Tornados, "(Hey Baby) Que Paso" [album]

2. Jonathan Richman, "You're The One For Me" [album]

3. The Mavericks, "Air That I Breathe" [album]

4. The Ataris, "San Dimas High School Football Rules" [album]

5. The 6ths, "Kissing Things (featuring Sarah Cracknell)" [album]

6. Ida, "Georgia" [album]

7. Trespassers William, "Lie In The Sound" [album]

8. Elvis Costello, "Still" [album]

9. The Innocence Mission, "Moon River" [album]

10. A New Found Glory, "The Glory Of Love" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 08/09/2004 10:21:31 AM
Nice mix!

And, uh, finding *anyplace* superior to Hardees is kinda cheap and easy.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/09/2004 10:34:04 AM
Yeah, I was trying to think of someplace that was not that great, but incrementally better than some place like McDonald's.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 63.167.178.72
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net/
DATE: 08/09/2004 01:39:19 PM
Whoa, you can from the same town as Bill and Ted. Excellent!

Yeah, I always thought Culver's burgers were good, but not all that. The frozen custard is even more overrated. Come to think of it, I can't really think of a really outstanding burger place.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: marymary@rantorama.com
IP: 24.8.4.20
URL:
DATE: 08/09/2004 07:08:51 PM
My first job was at Hardees. I swore I'd never wear a polyester uniform again.

8 years later, after 2 years of school, I was finally a paramedic. And back in a polyester uniform.

Aaah, the irony!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.144.167.209
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 08/09/2004 10:04:41 PM
I can't remember the last time I ate a burger and thought, "If only this had more butter..."

San Dimas High School Football Rules!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/10/2004 12:52:57 PM
I just adore Elvis Costello.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: elizabeth
EMAIL: alsoevso@myway.com
IP: 24.153.206.65
URL: http://evso.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/10/2004 04:55:23 PM
The cover of Moon River doesn't suck. . . Yay for the Texas Tornadoes! Flaco rules.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susanpatton@spamcop.net
IP: 66.188.155.132
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tundrababe/
DATE: 08/10/2004 11:29:39 PM
Mmm, I like Ida. Keep the mixed tapes coming!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sarah
EMAIL: sarahmc2002@hotmail.com
IP: 68.202.30.84
URL: http://hyperculture.typepad.com
DATE: 08/11/2004 06:36:49 PM
Thanks for the way cool mp3s! You rock!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: chance reader
EMAIL:
IP: 12.216.130.22
URL:
DATE: 08/13/2004 10:53:48 PM
Love the Trespassers piece—I've never heard of them.

(How do you ever manage w/regards to bandwidth...?)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Iki
EMAIL: imai@afterhourspub.com
IP: 68.190.114.90
URL: http://www.afterhourspub.com
DATE: 08/27/2004 08:05:34 PM
I think that Culver's burgers are fried in great globs of butter... not so much on the bun.

But you're right... In and Out Burger is the gold standard. I went there once, in Vegas, 5 years ago and it ruined me for any other burger. Bastards.

I'm Off...
08/10/2004 08:19:48 PM

...to Georgia for a week! See y'all later!

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana
DATE: 08/10/2004 08:53:52 PM
What??? Gone again?

Well, thanks for the outstanding Mix Tape.... I love Mondays.... :-P

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: wabbit@groovebunny.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://www.groovebunny.com/blog
DATE: 08/10/2004 10:35:46 PM
How fun! I love Georgia.:) Have a great trip. :D

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: filmgoerjuan
EMAIL: fgjuan@telus.net
IP: 154.20.229.115
URL: http://blog.filmgoerjuan.com/index.php
DATE: 08/10/2004 11:34:04 PM
You know, you actually have to spend some time in Madison to actually claim to live there!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jesse!
EMAIL: tryturkey@yahoo.com
IP: 64.166.23.195
URL: http://turkeydinner.net
DATE: 08/11/2004 01:19:34 AM
Watch out for the revolutionaries...

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barb
EMAIL:
IP: 68.124.59.47
URL:
DATE: 08/11/2004 03:35:04 AM
why

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.140.72.56
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 08/12/2004 12:00:45 AM
Wow, you're all over the place!

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: panajane
EMAIL: panajane@hotmail.com
IP: 143.166.226.19
URL: http://panajane.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/12/2004 03:15:36 PM
Wait, what?

Have fun with the southern belles.

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana
DATE: 08/15/2004 11:46:44 AM
Take bug spray!

(The bugs there are like small birds)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom Working
EMAIL: tworking@aol.com
IP: 172.198.188.69
URL: http://www.fal.net/wm/
DATE: 08/15/2004 07:51:19 PM
B... don't... don't they lynch our kind there?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jeff
EMAIL:
IP: 68.67.130.34
URL: http://www.pixelsensei.com/intersensei
DATE: 08/17/2004 12:19:27 PM
You weren't in Atlanta or Augusta by chance were you? I just got back...was there this past week as well. And the odd thing was I remember seeing this guy and thinking to myself, that looks like the Bastard. how odd...

¿(Hey Baby) Qué Pasó?
08/21/2004 12:19:30 AM

• Atlanta was a-OK. It was hot, but not miserable sweaty Treasure of the Sierra Madre hot. More like a Touch of Evil, tolerable but slightly nausea-inducing kind of heat. So that was JUST FINE.

• While in Atlanta, I spent some quality time with a larval human being, and you know what, it was also JUST FINE. I haven't been around a whole lot of babies, and wasn't sure how I'd like that, but the young chap was cute as Mr. Charles Dickens himself and quite the charmer. If I can be assured of having one just like that one, I would love to sire some progeny of my own. Provided I can get one of the ones that doesn't poop or vomit. Can they do that?

• One thing I also determined conclusively while visiting Atlanta: I DO NOT EVER WANT TO LIVE/DRIVE IN A CITY ANYWHERE NEAR THAT SIZE AGAIN EVER. As bizarre and un-sane as the drivers in Madison are, the worst traffic I have seen here to date is better than Seattle on a Sunday morning. I like that. Madison is probably the tiniest, most podunky town I've ever lived in, and you know what? That's JUST FINE. Even if the libraries do smell like socks.

• Someday I will live on the moon and poop in craters.

Illegal Download o' the Day: Paul Oakenfold, "Ready, Steady, Go (The Crazy Korean Version That Plays in the Nightclub Shootout Scene in Collateral and Is Worth Listening To Even If You've Heard This Song Like Ten Million Times)"

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jessica
EMAIL: jessica@peacedividend.com
IP: 66.117.128.123
URL: http://www.peacedividend.com
DATE: 08/21/2004 12:50:39 AM
"That Plays in the Nightclub Shootout Scene in Collateral"?

Is that an endorsement? Or were you just enjoying the multiplex's air conditioning?

-----

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/21/2004 01:37:39 AM
Yeah, I did like Collateral. It wasn't at all what I was expecting. I mean, when you go into a movie about contract killers and shootouts and Bad Men in Suits, you don't really expect to end up with an brooding meditation on life ambitions and existential paralysis and man's inhumanity to man. Well, I guess you do expect the latter, but you expect it to be expressed in the form of bullets rather than heartfelt taxicab confessions.

And of course there was shooting.

So I liked Collateral. I liked the visual style and how it feels both expansive and claustrophobic, sometimes within the same frame. The nightclub scene had this eerie beauty to it; very artful, but without smashing your face into it all "Look how poetic and profound I am!" I mean, it was still just a nightclub shootout scene, after all. But it felt weirdly muted and dreamlike. I guess that's what happens when you set a shootout to an electronic trance score. I left the theater thinking "Lost in Translation, but with more blood squibs."

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/21/2004 01:44:54 AM
Oh, and another thing I liked about Collateral is that it spends a lot of time around Koreatown in L.A., so throughout the whole movie I was all, "Dude, I was just there!" Fortunately, I was only "all" to myself so that wasn't as annoying as it sounds.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://www.formyselfandstrangers.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/21/2004 08:58:55 AM
Yay, you are back! Missed ya! Stay home for a while, will ya?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jennifer and the beans
EMAIL: beanmom@beanmom.com
IP: 69.242.2.61
URL: http://www.kjsl.com/~beanmom/beandiary.html
DATE: 08/21/2004 09:19:52 AM
I haven't had any luck getting one of the ones that doesn't poop or vomit, but I did get two of the kind that surprise you with the most amazing non-sequiturs and super-cool taste in music, which mostly makes up for the yucky stuff. ;)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.163.45.68
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 08/21/2004 12:48:04 PM
I never thought about the cuteness of Charles Dickens. That guy had all sorts of stuff going for him.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: moesmum
EMAIL: moesmum@bellsouth.net
IP: 65.7.159.26
URL:
DATE: 08/22/2004 10:43:52 AM
He sure enjoyed your company, and I'm sure he would be happy to show any future prodgeny of yours the ropes. Which is both frightening and comforting at the same time!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/23/2004 03:37:35 AM
i'm wondering, is that right? i think in korea you don't say 'ready steady go' you just get 'ready' and then you 'go'...that korean song is really bugging me for that reason....

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jessica
EMAIL: jessica@peacedividend.com
IP: 66.117.128.123
URL: http://www.peacedividend.com
DATE: 08/23/2004 10:57:31 AM
Now I have to go see the friggin' movie. Dang it.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jessica
EMAIL: jessica@peacedividend.com
IP: 66.117.128.123
URL: http://www.peacedividend.com
DATE: 08/23/2004 10:59:43 AM
Also: isn't there some rule that says if you hang out with larval humans you must provide photos of said larvae for the readership to coo over? I'm looking at a picture of Dickens with chubbiness Photoshopped in and facial hair PS'ed out, but it's just not the same.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: panajane
EMAIL: panajane@hotmail.com
IP: 143.166.255.16
URL: http://panajane.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/23/2004 02:53:32 PM
Collateral was a good movie! The ending sort of broke my heart (so sad), but at the same time I really really disliked Tom Cruise's character, and it has only made me dislike Tom Cruise (in the flesh) even more. Even though the character he was playing does not reflect him in any shape or form... or does it? *spooky eerie music*

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: charlie
EMAIL: cdraustin@yahoo.com
IP: 24.175.34.32
URL: http://translucence.org
DATE: 08/23/2004 09:56:03 PM
Ah, the traffic in Atlanta. It's enough to drive anyone to suicidal thoughts!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: robo
EMAIL: rob@fastmail.ca
IP: 69.196.4.144
URL:
DATE: 08/30/2004 01:42:52 PM
Love that download :)

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Paula
EMAIL:
IP: 200.158.240.198
URL: http://fotolog.net/digitaldreamland
DATE: 08/31/2004 04:22:53 PM
Hey!!!
I thought Collateral a great movie and this music Ready Steady Go is wonderful!!!

Paul Oakenfold sure is my favorite DJ ever!!!

Greetings from Brazil!!!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Simon
EMAIL: kyobiz@gmail.com
IP: 203.122.236.54
URL:
DATE: 10/26/2004 08:53:06 AM
I really want this download - could you please provide a working link? I can't get the Korean one ANYWHERE?! =(

Thanks!

kyobiz@gmail.com

Let's Get Lost
08/23/2004 05:00:02 AM

Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Electric Six, "Electric Demons In Love" [album]

2. P.J. Harvey, "No Girl So Sweet" [album]

3. Le Tigre, "Eau D'Bedroom Dancing" [album]

4. R.E.M., "Crazy" [album]

5. Frou Frou, "Let Go" [album]

6. Iron And Wine, "Such Great Heights" [album]

7. Howie Day, "Collide" [album]

8. Elliott Smith, "Let's Get Lost" [album]

9. Trash Can Sinatras, "Weightlifting" [album]

10. Me First And The Gimme Gimmes, "Rainbow Connection" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbara
EMAIL:
IP: 68.121.17.5
URL:
DATE: 08/23/2004 06:35:57 AM
The OG doom scared me.

Doom3=sucky weapons. Its really dark, so I don't recall what the demon monsters looked like.

I also hear its a short game.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: fact-checking cuz
EMAIL: josh@fireland.com
IP: 204.29.196.187
URL: http://www.fireland.com/
DATE: 08/23/2004 10:10:18 AM
Dogg YOU be crazy if you think "Crazy" appears on Fables of the Reconstruction. Ahaha see what I did there with the "crazy" thing? Still got it.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 204.52.234.67
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 08/23/2004 10:57:19 AM
My iTunes doesn't like the Howie Day song for some reason...

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/23/2004 11:05:17 AM
Mr. Cuz: You're right -- now that I think about it, "Crazy" was actually released on the Dead Letter Office album. HOWEVER I am also right, or at least not 100% wrong, in that "Crazy" is also included on the Dutch import version of Fables of the Reconstruction, which is the one I have. So I am only half Crazy sir. The other half is merely addled.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/23/2004 11:11:24 AM
Bob: Hmm, that is odd since the song plays okay on iTunes here, but the file could have gotten corrupted in the upload. In any case, I have re-converted it and re-uploaded it, so it should be A-OK now!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/23/2004 11:15:26 AM
Barbara: Some people complain about the darkness and the fact that you can't use your flashlight while shooting, but I think it makes the game super scary. Plus, it keeps you from getting a really good look at the zombies and alien demons and everything, which in my opinion is a good thing, because I was "eh" about the pre-release screenshots, so this way it's more about suggestion and less about getting a really good look at the monsters and realizing how cheesy they actually are.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: a
EMAIL:
IP: 24.247.228.116
URL:
DATE: 08/23/2004 10:03:15 PM

Here, look at these pretty nature photos to relax.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 204.52.234.67
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 08/24/2004 05:32:36 PM
Thanks, B! Me likey!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana
DATE: 08/24/2004 11:35:39 PM
So, what is your full take on the game? I am in the market....

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/25/2004 07:36:02 PM
HEYYYYY! *major whines* How did YOU get the latest Elliott Smith cut? I have it on my Amazon wish list but IT AIN'T OUT YET!

*pouts*

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/26/2004 01:39:47 AM
Yes, I have the whole thing. I'm glad someone commented about that, because now I get to feel special. Well, me and the other 100,000 dudes.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/27/2004 10:01:25 AM
"me and the other 100,000 dudes"

Oh, I see...you're a "Shriner". Well, can I sign up or is that a Boys Only Club? ;-)

Cute Baby vs. Famous English Author Dude
08/23/2004 12:32:30 PM

Jessica writes: Isn't there some rule that says if you hang out with larval humans you must provide photos of said larvae for the readership to coo over?

You're absolutely right, so I will relax my "no women, no kids" rule and post this photo that I believe will demonstrate conclusively that the larval human in question is in fact cuter than Charles "The" Dickens:

¿Quién es Más Cúté?

Thanks to Moe's momma for permission to broadcast her chap's cute li'l mug all over the internet.

- - - Comments - - -

OMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbara
EMAIL:
IP: 68.121.17.5
URL:
DATE: 08/24/2004 01:45:52 AM
It reminds me of the cancer baby.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 141.214.129.152
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 08/24/2004 08:01:49 AM
What does that mean?

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: panajane
EMAIL: panajane@hotmail.com
IP: 143.166.255.16
URL: http://panajane.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/24/2004 10:48:44 AM
He's so cute!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: teenagesupervillain@yahoo.com
IP: 24.247.173.194
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/24/2004 04:32:16 PM
Awww...CUTE cancer baby!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/24/2004 04:45:11 PM
What the heck's a cancer baby??

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott D
EMAIL:
IP: 68.111.191.38
URL: http://www.the-donaldson-family.com/scottshana
DATE: 08/24/2004 11:32:17 PM
I agree... what IS a cancer baby? lol

Cute kid... and is Doom 3 worth the 50 bucks? I don't buy games a lot, but that one seems tempting. I dig suspence games, and if you get the chance, have a few drinks and go see "The Village" ...muy... uh... scarey-oh.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: VelvetHellvis
EMAIL:
IP: 64.132.64.142
URL: http://velvethellvis.com
DATE: 08/25/2004 08:34:14 AM
Morgan is indeed adorable. Seriously, Charles needs to update his look. The ZZ Top beard is so over.

And what is a cancer baby? It stinks that we live in a world where the words baby and cancer can be used side-by-side anyway.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: moesmum
EMAIL:
IP: 65.7.159.26
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/moesmum/
DATE: 08/25/2004 12:06:21 PM
B, I think you should demand to know what the reference to "cancer baby" is...I know I am curious.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Barbara
EMAIL:
IP: 68.121.17.5
URL:
DATE: 08/25/2004 09:07:26 PM
Chelsea and I called this kid:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v16/fakesocks/cancerbaby.jpg

cancer baby because it looks like it was undergoing chemo or something. That little adult.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: j-a
EMAIL: jeonga_kim@yahoo.co.uk
IP: 202.71.195.230
URL: http://www.whatarewedoinghere.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/27/2004 12:59:56 AM
doesn't look anything like a baby undergoing chemo to me, neither of them (morgan or the original so-called 'cancer baby'). both look like very sweet, cute babies.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mae
EMAIL:
IP: 38.115.0.253
URL: http://decayunderway.com
DATE: 08/27/2004 08:53:58 AM
Glad you survived Atlanta. There's absolutely nothing charming about it. I live in Chattanooga and absolutely refuse to go down there anymore.

Try New Orleans in the off-season (less idiots). It's beautiful and eclectic.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/27/2004 09:57:30 AM
Morgan is *adorable*! Thanks for sharing.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: wabbit@groovebunny.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://www.groovebunny.com/blog
DATE: 08/30/2004 07:55:37 PM
Awwww what an adorable little baby! Thanks for posting that B! :) Dickens was a skurry looking baby!

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: wabbit@groovebunny.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://www.groovebunny.com/blog
DATE: 08/31/2004 01:26:04 AM
LOL. I meant to mention this earlier as well but my brain is a bit mushy still from my crappy plane ride. I totally love "The Professional"...and I have to admit...I kinda fell for quirky Leon...his suspenders and short pants...the way he cared for his house plant. A man with a code to live by...very rare to find these days.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.188.93.14
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 08/31/2004 01:38:11 AM
Yeah, I love that movie, too -- especially the "Leon" director's cut. If I could somehow curb my internet habit I'd live like Leon...sans killing, of course. Well, maybe.

Dod-a-Chock?
08/25/2004 01:49:59 AM

So I was reading the August issue of Gourmet magazine a few minutes ago, and I ran across this article on the Maine Lobster Festival by reasonably famous writer dude David Foster Wallace. And immediately I was like, "Groan," not necessarily because I dislike David Foster Wallace, but because I can't stand magazine articles by famous and/or reasonably famous authors in general, with the exception of Kurt Vonnegut, who rules.

My reasons for disliking magazine articles by famous and/or reasonably famous authors with the exception of Kurt Vonnegut are pretty shallow and wouldn't stand up to any kind of rigorous scrutiny. But that gave me the idea to create a feature on my weblog entitled "Indefensible Pet Peeves," all about things that bother me for specious, frivolous, or just plain dumb reasons. The first entry in this feature would be all about why I dislike magazine articles by famous and/or reasonably famous authors with the exception of Kurt Vonnegut.¹

¹ The reason why I dislike magazine articles by famous and/or reasonably famous authors with the exception of Kurt Vonnegut is that they invariably feel this need to "jazz up" the article with their inimitable personal style, to the point where their various personality quirks and tics overwhelm the very subject they're covering in their article. If you're actually interested in that subject,

- - - Comments - - -

Let's Get Happy!
08/30/2004 11:20:45 PM

Stream 'em! Fun.

If you like any of these and suspect the rest of the album won't suck either, use the handy Amazon link next to the song title to buy it!

• • •

1. Down By Law, "500 Miles" [album]

2. Wise Crack, "Come Undone" [album]

3. The Cure, "Doing The Unstuck" [album]

4. Zero 7, "Somersault" [album]

5. Howie Day, "I'll Take You On" [album]

6. Trash Can Sinatras, "Country Air" [album]

7. Azure Ray, "I Will Do These Things" [album]

8. Bic Runga, "Sway (Acoustic)" [album]

9. Jonathan Richman, "Surrender" [album]

10. Nouvelle Vague, "I Melt With You" [album]

- - - Comments - - -

COMMENT:
AUTHOR: gene
EMAIL: spinward@hotmail.com
IP: 24.126.123.147
URL: http://www.somethingoutofnothing.net
DATE: 08/31/2004 02:55:37 AM
Vodka = good

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: misshannah@livejournal.com
IP: 141.214.17.5
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 08/31/2004 09:03:59 AM
Ah, I *love* this mix. And mixed drinks made with vodka. But not vodka and diet coke, because that is Disgusting.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 63.167.178.72
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net/
DATE: 08/31/2004 11:45:51 AM
That Proclaimers cover is funny.

Someday, there should be a cover album with a tracklisting that matches exactly one of those lame compilation CDs featured in late night commercials.

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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Amber
EMAIL: ambercastaway@yahoo.com
IP: 209.204.185.110
URL: http://accordingtoamber.blogspot.com
DATE: 08/31/2004 12:20:16 PM
Wine can help kickstart my laggin' blog mojo sometimes, but lately, even my Almighty Wine Muse isn't helping much. I tend to drink too much of it and end up sitting helpless in front of my keyboard, brain running a million miles an hour, fingers feebly twitching uselessly.

MmmMmmm....Wine.....

Wine makes Baby Jebus cry. Or turn into water. Or walk on it.

Something like that, I know I'm close...

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COMMENT:

AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 204.52.234.67
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/01/2004 10:45:28 AM
Is there something I can do to make my iTunes not so picky? It won't play #5 or #10. Booo.

P.S. Vodka.