Home Blogs After Hours September 2003
A Day | 09.03.03 | 04:00:19 AM
It's a crappy night for the B-ster tonight, my friends. And by crappy, I mean Barry Manilow crappy, so you know there isn't really anywhere to go from here, except to just give it up and hire myself out as an organ grinder monkey.
Once again I've been laid low. So very much so, in fact, that I ditched yet another installment of "Webloggers I Consider Complete Tools," this time because I was looking through the website of the guy I was going to cruelly ridicule, and I thought, "Why do I even despise this guy? I mean, okay, he's a banal, shallow, 'bling-bling' obsessed, stereotypical Korean Boy (please...if you are a Korean male...don't ever mention Hugo Boss in your weblog...I know it's difficult...but try...) with a disturbing fixation on his baby niece, whom he's constantly talking about with an intensity that, if I were this kid's father, would compel me to take out a restraining order, and who writes stuff like
man, its frickin hot today! good thing i have my trusty portable air conditioner in my bedroom. if any of you ladies wish to be out of this heat tonight, you're more than welcome to come over to the swank condo. haha.
Mike: Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you're going to say it sucks and we're all gonna leave and then we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's somebody else who's more important she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause she's wearing a backpack? And half of them are just nasty skanks who wouldn't be nothing except they're surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. And I'm gonna tell you something T. Are you listening?
Trent: Yeah, I'm listening.
Mike: I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. All right? It just makes me sick. It's like, some nasty skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is, is gonna front me? It makes me want to fuckin' puke!
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 12.254.95.0
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/03/2003 05:16:22 AM
I used to feel bad and think there was something wrong with me in that, once over an ex, I had no desire to be friends or have them in my life in any way. Now, after reading what you're going through, I'm thankful for it!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.1
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/03/2003 06:59:30 AM
I think I just have a thing for drama queens.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/03/2003 07:12:04 AM
I'm more of a bit comedy player, but I guess I could play a dramatic role for a cutie like you! Hee! ;-)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/03/2003 07:12:38 AM
PS - I'll have to try and find my "I am the Eddie Haskell in the Sitcom of Life" entry I made a while back.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Angela
EMAIL: ienjoyfarting@yahoo.com
IP: 65.117.192.66
URL: http://theshakedown.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/03/2003 10:27:04 AM
B - I have to say that I believe the reason these two women can't leave you alone is because MOST women are so fucking full of themselves (and men for that matter) that they can not fathom the thought that any ex would ever actually be totally "over" them. They keep popping in, in hopes that you will confess to them how miserable you really are without them and plead for them to come back to you... only to shit on you once again after having their ego stroked.
I say, if it hurts you to talk to them, you need to just cut it off completely. Wounds never heal if you keep picking at them. B needs to put B first. ;)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL: retrogirl56.nospam@yahoo.com
IP: 65.45.150.16
URL:
DATE: 09/03/2003 11:12:13 AM
OK, Mr. B. I am your friend, so I'm going to be honest. First, why can't you talk about this without making a joke of it? "Smooved by the B?" This is why these girls won't stop needling you - they don't take it seriously. You are too nice about it, too placating.
You have to do as Angela suggests, and cut that XGirl #2 off cold. She's like some horrible succubus leaching the life and positive vibes from you. She is self-centered and desperate for forgiveness which, let's face it, she will never get from you (no matter how many times you say it), and she doesn't deserve it in the first place.
If she could read your post, then read my verbal evisceration (as well as the other negative opinions about her), and STILL write to you, she is obviously a soulless shell of a human who has no one's interests in mind but her own. Dump her ass.
As for XGirl #1, LAY DOWN THE LAW. Be honest and tell her to stop gadding on about it already, and genuinely put it behind her, and if she can't do it, then you must also dump her ass. She is out to prove something, which is why she is constantly meeting Mr. Right. The day this actually happens will be the day they make robot sex slaves for my personal use.
I think it is ironic that you are my mentor as far as not being the victim, and yet here we are with these two harpies. Dump her and burn the carcass.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/03/2003 11:18:26 AM
it's been my experience that women (and men, for that matter) will often want what they can't have in terms of partners. I think that's one reason (albeit a drastic, issue-laden one) why some women ONLY find themselves attracted to married men. On a less dramatic, less self-defeating level, I think that it's fairly common for exs to come clammoring for attention after the fact.. particularly if the partner in question (you, as an example) has agreed with and followed the rules of the breakup. It's infuriating to them that you're able to say, "Okay, we'll be friends," and then abide by that. Or "Okay, we won't talk," and then not call her in teh middle of the night, sobbing and drooling. Your self-control makes you that much more attractive because you make it clear that you can set rules for yourself that passion or love or lust or lonliness FOR THEM can't sway. My boyfriend is always friends with his ex-girlfriends, even though they had all been psychotic and treated him like shit when they were dating. Not CLOSE friends, but friends just the same. And he's had problems akin to yours because of it, B. I personally subscribe to Mary's philosophy... once I'm done, I'm done. That's why breakups suck; because you don't get to have that person in your life anymore. It's why people are so hesitant (and justifiably so) to move from a beneficial platonic relationship into a questionable romantic one-- because if the romantic relationship fails, then a perfectly good friendship has been killed. It's one or the other in my mind.
Um. This makes no sense now. But I'm not deleting it.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.214.75.0
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/03/2003 12:00:37 PM
For me it's really hard to have someone who was so important in my life to go from everything to nothing. But then, pretending like we never had anything special and that it's okay that they have replaced you is really, really awkward. It's a struggle and in the end it's probably best to never talk to each other again. The hardest part is if you have common friends, because no matter what you do to forget them, somehow you will still hear something about them again and again in the future. I feel your pain.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/03/2003 12:07:28 PM
Robot sex slaves?!?!
What's better than robot sex slaves?
Right on.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.16
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/03/2003 01:05:05 PM
Mary - I definitely need to move on from drama queens to comedy queens. Or maybe dramedy queens? Basically, someone who's got that touch of neurotic basket case-ness that I require in a woman, but who can deliver the psychosis with a heaping side order of yuks!
Angela - I agree, I suspect it's more about ego than anything else. Knowing that, I think, is what makes it easier to maintain emotional distance. I mean, let's face it, if they actually gave a shit about me at this point, wouldn't they have at least a teeny pinch of regard for my feelings? But nooo....
Sandra - I have to joke about it! It's just too horrible and pathetic otherwise. "I laugh so that I do not kick myself in the ass so hard it orders out for Chinese."
I think part of the reason it's hard to just ruthlessly cut X-Girl 2 off is that my own ego comes into play. I was the dumpee in this case, so there are those feelings of rejection. As much as it may feel good in a spiteful way to reject her in turn, there's also part of me that wants her to keep coming back, to sort of reaffirm my self-worth and all that. That's hard to fight.
Estella - Good point. With X Girl 2 in particular, it's almost like she's begging me to act like an asshole or something, so she can feel better about everything. The fact that I freely offer my forgiveness and insist on being reasonable about it may well be the reason she can't let it go. Which just reinforces my determination to become a monk. I can't deal with these head games!
Wendy - Why do ex-lovers always insist on the "let's stay friends" knowing how hopeless it is? I guess it doesn't have to be that way. I'm not sure what the factor is. Personally I think it's much more likely that you can go back to friendship if you started out as genuine friends instead of just prospective dates. At least you have a foundation to build on.
Estella II - Robot sex slaves, yes. Have you ever seen Real Dolls? Creepy, yet strangely alluring.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/03/2003 04:35:17 PM
I just saw that one episode of Seinfeld where they try do the girlfriend switch. Maybe you can use that same technique to get them to both leave you alone.
"I'm not certain about the pronounciation, but I believe the term is 'menage a trois'?"
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/03/2003 06:25:57 PM
exactly! headgames is what they are, they only have the power over you that you give them to have over you!
the first step you need to take is to decide if you want to get rid of this problem or not. from your post and comments, sounds like maybe yes and maybe no. as a fairly impartial bystander (me!), you definitely have to stop playing the games.
i promise you that these pseudo-relationships you find yourself are NOT worth your time. however, you have to convince yourself of that in order to follow through.
when you do make the decision that is healthiest for you, you will start finding people better suited to you if a relationship is what you want.
if you decide to be with someone, be with the right someone - someone who won't play games. they aren't worth your time!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.129.98.249
URL: http://www.agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/03/2003 06:51:49 PM
In some ways I can understand why the X-Girls would want to remain friends. When you meet someone you really like as a person, it's hard to just cut all ties, even though the problems are still there relationship-wise.
On the other hand, I almost never want any contact with my X-Guys. When one kept calling and calling to both invite me to his wedding and ask if I'd want to hang out with him and his bride-to-be ("I think you'd really like her"), I was forced to employ the Caller ID on my cell phone and start screening calls on my home telephone. Once he cornered me in a cafe downtown and there was no escape, but after a few months of total avoidance, he stopped trying.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/03/2003 09:03:38 PM
Hey B-man. There is a lot of wisdom and common sense in what everyone has said here. I have only one thing to add. It's a question.
What is it you are getting out of letting these two poisonous relationships continue?
I'm certainly not the first to note that it takes two to tango. You are participating in this dance, even as you are suffering. Why? You are getting "SOMETHING" out of it, even if it is only pain, suffering, or a reason to kvetch.
In general, people have...not reasons, that's not the right word. Let's try "rationalizations", although that's weak, too ... they have something they want, knowing it or not, when they continue with anything they know is destructive. A person is a victim by choice, as "victim" is a state of mind. Lots and lots of peoeple who have endured horrors inflicted upon themselves do not see themselves as victims. Victims stand and bemoan their fates and look to the rest of the world for validation, sympathy, and priveledge. They feel entitled to special consideration due to their victim status. It's like a club membership.
You are too smart,with too much to offer, to give up on relationships, or to continue with those relationships that hurt you -- unless you are getting SOMETHING you want or think you deserve by prolonging them.
So, here's MY be all, end all, great words of wisdom.
1)Take the ex's IDs out of all your online communications lists. You won't see the names pop up. Remove e-mail, AIM, and anything else. Clean it out.
2) When they contact you, say "Hi" and leave it at that. When they complain, say "I don't have much to say." and continue with whatever you are doing. Close whatever chat window they open. Don't encourage conversation.
3) When they barrage you with "Why won't you talk to me?" be honest. TELL THEM that talking with them just hurts, and since they aren't that interested in your feelings, you can't really continue lying to save their feelings. You aren't being an ass or being cruel. You are protecting yourself from more injury.
4) Maintain silence. Also, don't read anything they write online. Don't seek them. Don't pick the scab. Let it close up and heal.
All of this advice, being the cheap and easy to come by commodity it is, is worthless and pointless if you are intent on picking at that scab over and over -- or letting someone else do it. You'll get the pain, the infection, and the inevitable scarring, wheras if you just leave it the hell alone, it will heal up and -- surprisiingly enough -- stop hurting, leaving little sign of itself.
Unless you are collecting scars.
*I* think you are worthwhile.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.55
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/03/2003 09:31:07 PM
Sherri - What I'm getting out of it: in part it's what I said above, that when you're rejected, there's part of you that wants vindication and the acceptance that's been denied you. There's that feeling when you get your heart broken, like "What do you mean you don't love me???" And that feeling makes you jump at anything that resembles an opening, even if you know intellectually that it's not someplace you want to be.
And on the other side of it, when you're the dump-er, guilt can prevent you from rejecting the other person's overtures of friendship even if you have questions about it. You want to make amends in some way, and you especially don't want to reject them a second time.
So yeah, clearly this would not be an issue if I weren't an active participant in it. Nobody is forcing me to respond to either of these women.
Here's the thing...I've already done #1-4. It works up to a point, and to go beyond that point means I've gotta have the sack to be as heartless as I have to be to drive the point home. Which would be a lot easier if everyone concerned weren't so darned well-intentioned. It's easy to say that I ought to just cut them off like a gangrenous limb, but these are people I still love and care about. I feel like I've already been the source of enough pain and anguish -- in a way, I'd rather just take it all into myself and maintain good "kibun" than stir up another cloud of hyperdrama.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/04/2003 07:47:11 AM
I'm going to have to disagree with Sandra on just one point:
I contend that ANY time is the right time to throw in a "smooved by the B" reference! :-)
I have to joke when I'm in pain or upset. You should see me at a funeral! I make Robin Williams look like he's on sedatives!
I think I was lying to myself when I said I had to have my exes out of my life because "when I'm done, I'm done." The real reason is because it hurts to damn much. Yes, it hurts for the person to go from "all" to "nothing", but it would hurt more for me to stick around in their lives so I could watch how easily it is for them to discard me and just pick up another.
I truly am the human equivalent to a paper towel in regards to relationships. I'm very useful for a while, but easily discarded. Damn my utilitarian ways!
By the way, isn't it ironic that we can see that the people we love deserve better treatment from their SO's, but yet we will put up with such bullshit treatment directed at ourselves? Just an aside.
And as for the girl's motivations in your case, B -- I think at least one of them is just a selfish game-player. But the other one, or for any of us that kept trying to stay in an exes' life: Maybe the head shrinks are right. Maybe we keep trying to stay in the same relationships or types of relationships until we can get it right. Maybe we can't move on until we resolve issues that unfortunately can't be resolved.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/04/2003 07:50:52 AM
My, but don't I talk out of my ass when I haven't had coffee?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/04/2003 12:57:48 PM
You know, B, I can understand your point. Believe me, I'm quite aware of how NOT easy it is to do what I suggested -- damn it all, it took me (no lie) 20 years to work all that out and I don't have it completely down.
But I am also not a martyr. I don't think there is any value in taking on pain to "save" another. I'm denying that person the truth if I do that. I'm denying them an opportunity to learn something that may be vitally important for them to learn. In trying to protect someone, I may really be playing to my own ego that they NEED my protection.
Yes, there may be something to the whole "I want them to come back" idea, but, honestly,I don't believe it. I don't think you'd be wondering or hoping if that was the case. My observation is that once you make yourself a convenience for another, that's how they see you from then on.
Damn it all, it bothers me to know you are suffering, and yet I know that there's nothing I can tell you to help you, even though I *know* (in that way you know something after you've had it sledge hammered into your head). This is your learning experience and you have to go through it, and I can play all-knowing, all-wise, all-chocolate goddess but it won't help you and it doesn't really earn me any points. When you come out the other side of this -- however many years it takes you. You may never learn the lessons being offered -- sometimes we don't. Or you may get a few years older and look back, shake your head, and say "what the hell was I thinking then?" before turning your gaze to the permenent love of your life while she leans over the crib of your firstborn.
Have you ever had a "serious" conversation with someone at least 10 years younger than you? Have you ever found yourself astounded by how strange and simple and obvious their deep, angstridden, world-ending problems sound? I discovered myself in that position when I had an 18 year old assistant at work -- I could sympathize and I could remember feeling that way when she would recite the horrors of her life, but at the same time, I knew the mistakes she could (and would) make, and that she didn't need to make them. She didn't need to date a guy who cheated on her. She didn't need to worry about a date, her makeup, her skin break out, what her girlfriends were saying, if her mom would be made she stayed out late..etc.
But she did need to worry about those things. That's how she'd learn -- if she paid attention -- not to worry about those things when she was 30.
So maybe that's your position. You have to do all this now so you have the chance to learn all you can. You may not realize what you learned until a long time from now. You may not learn ever. But it's your chance. Good luck and a lot of hugs to you.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 63.190.97.102
URL: http://flowerhead.com
DATE: 09/04/2003 04:19:13 PM
I agree with Sandra.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL: retrogirl56nospam@yahoo.com
IP: 65.45.150.1
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/sandra
DATE: 09/05/2003 05:19:37 PM
Mua ha ha... Mary, I knew you would take offense at my pooh-poohing a "smooved by the B" reference. :)
But, if you knew the way the B-ster usually operates, you would know that he uses humor as a shield for avoiding conflict... if it's funny, it isn't happening.
I think there is merit in staying friends with an ex if you can both progress in a friendship after the point where romance ends. Most people can't do that, and I understand, because their relationship started OFF as a romantic attachment, and there is very little to fall back on. I have been in the same boat.
Then you have the types who find it hard to sustain frienships of any substance in real life, and that describes X-Girl number 2. No -- acquaintances, racquetball partners, and occasional party guests do not count as substantial friendships.
I know part of it is that you don't want to be unnecessarily cruel. I dig that, but sometimes it doesn't work, especially when the other person has their own agenda. At some point, for your own sanity, you have to enunciate clearly: "What I'm trying to tell you is that I don't want you in my life anymore. I don't want to talk to you, receive communication from you, or hear from you in the future, even if you get everything worked out and feel like a new person. Have a good life."
It's sort of like the ex where they won't stop talking about how you should get back together, and how they are confident that you'll come to your senses eventually and they'll "just wait." You can ignore it, but it will make you insane, so you have to say something like, "Either never mention this again and move on, or piss off, because I will not sit here another day and listen to these words."
It seems cruel, but at least you aren't playing games and jerking them along unknowingly. If they are hanging on any small shred of something you have said, this will firmly cut ties.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/05/2003 08:28:15 PM
Most excellent, Sandra.
I've had a couple of romantic relationships that became very successful friendships, mostly because they started out as friendships in the first place. I think that's the big part -- there must be a friendship in the first place. I think that's what makes romantic relationships that last work, too. Gotta have something more than lust, electricity, chemistry, etc. Friendship gives you something to talk about in the car.
Smart lady, B. Listen up to her.
☄
A Day | 09.04.03 | 04:03:20 AM
Hey, how do you guys like the above emoticon that I swiped from BeerMary's site? Is that Klassy with a capital "K" or what?
So, it's been brought to my attention (about 15,000 times) that Weirdsmobile is now basically me and four (soon to be five) women. First Frank Gimble bit the dust, then Dilettante took a powder. What's to be done in order to restore the hormonal balance?
I'm currently working on Kevin to bring Dilettante back to life. We'll see how that goes. As for new additions, I don't want to bring some dude onboard just to even out the gender numbers. Frankly, I think having Wendy and Suzette here adds some class to the place, so I don't want to screw it up by bringing in some doofus. Easy to add people -- harder than hell to get rid of them!
I have to admit, as a reader I'm partial to female bloggers (just look at my frickin' link list), because (and I know I'm generalizing) I think they tend to be more interesting writers overall. There are blogs written by men that I greatly admire, including the gents on the After Hours list and also Joshua Allen, who does Fireland and writes so well that he regularly makes me look like an ass, but I think there is something about the feminine sensibility that is uniquely suited to the daily writing format. I don't encounter very many male bloggers who engage me on a daily basis. They tend to be either on the dry side or completely crass and boorish. Maybe it's just my sense of humor, but I think women have a better intuitive grasp of irony than men do, and are more adept at relating the kinds of everyday details of their lives that make for interesting day to day reading. Again, a huge generalization, but I'm speaking in generalities here.
So anyway, if you know any males who are looking to set up shop somewhere, let me know. I want someone who's a good writer, not an asshole, funny, thoughtful, and not a tool, and who would post incessantly if given the chance. Anybody like that out there who isn't already master of his own domain?
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/04/2003 05:07:24 AM
There's nothing wrong with having mostly females as part of weirdsmobile. As long as you like the quality of the writing, go with it!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Suzette
EMAIL: SuzetteTraveler@yahoo.com
IP: 209.210.95.7
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/suzette
DATE: 09/04/2003 06:42:06 AM
I did notice that there was a gender imbalance around here, but I was reluctant to mention it for fear that you'd impose a woman-quota and thin out the herd. Last in; first out. So I was trying to stay in the tall grass and hope no one else would notice.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Suzette
EMAIL: SuzetteTraveler@yahoo.com
IP: 209.210.95.7
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/suzette
DATE: 09/04/2003 06:45:46 AM
Also, I know quite few gentlemen bloggers who are extremely interesting, but none that are floating loose at the moment.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/04/2003 07:35:45 AM
I have one or two gentleman commenters who do not have a blog, but who write well in comments. Maybe you should put a post on my site about it?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.17
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/04/2003 08:32:02 AM
I think it bothers me mostly on an aesthetic level, like a picture on the wall that's tilted higher on one end. Besides, if I add three more guys, then it'll be just like the Brady Bunch, plus Alice.
You know what, I'm just not going to worry about it for pete's sake. Eventually the ranks will fill out on their own, I'm sure. I'll just have to watch the blogosphere like a pimp at a bus station, ready to pounce at the first sign of discontent!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Angela
EMAIL: ienjoyfarting@yahoo.com
IP: 65.117.192.66
URL: http://theshakedown.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/04/2003 08:58:57 AM
That's a problem in the blog world in general. There are simply more female bloggers than males. I think females blog, men go watch sports, it's an outlet. I'd say for every ten female bloggers, there's one guy. I could be way off, but that's how I see it.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.17
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/04/2003 09:04:14 AM
Yeah, that's the thing. I have no use in general for sports or titty bars, so I need something else to do with my time.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.214.75.0
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/04/2003 11:00:16 AM
I do, I know a fantastic male writer who is "floating loose" at the moment. Should I ask him if he would want to?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/04/2003 12:21:07 PM
Wendy said: I know a fantastic male writer who is "floating loose" at the moment.
Gotta love a guy who floats loose. But what does going commando have to do with blogging? ;-)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/04/2003 12:41:35 PM
Dude, no one told me this was a girl thing! I quit!
While I haven't noticed that there are more girl bloggers, I do know what you mean about women generally being more interesting in this format.
I notice that women do tend to write more often about human interaction and their personal lives, rather than specific hobbies or personal interests. As a result more people who don't necessarily share their interests can relate to their writing, and it does make it something you can't get anywhere else.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/04/2003 05:48:42 PM
You know, I think the "don't worry about it" attitude is the best. I mean, is there a gender quota requirement? Will you loose bloggy funding if you don't comply? Are you in fear that everything will become rainbows and puppy/kitten and flowers and little hearts?
If not, no worries. Just bask in the fact you have a personal on-line harem };>
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.5
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/04/2003 05:54:26 PM
If this is a harem, then I must be the royal eunuch...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Dymphna
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 195.182.168.59
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com/
DATE: 09/05/2003 01:05:50 AM
I can be butch enough for five men!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 12.254.95.0
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/05/2003 04:18:13 AM
Ha Sherri! "Will you lose bloggy funding?" Cracked me up!
I agree with Sherri. None of your female bloggers are squirting out unicorn-rainbow-kitten goodness. I haven't seen one reference to Strawberry Shortcake or Hello Kitty. I think your balance here is safe! :-)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL: retrogirl56nospam@yahoo.com
IP: 65.45.150.1
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/sandra
DATE: 09/05/2003 04:53:23 PM
I think there are gobs of guys out there doing the blogging thing, but most have their own domain. Hell, most have their own personal servers.
I don't think Weirdsmobile lacks sufficient male POV or is too top-heavy in the female dept., but I wouldn't mind a bit more testosterone. Of course, not so much that it's just some fart-brained 12 year old in an adult body trying to be clever and enjoying the sound of his own voice.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/05/2003 08:23:54 PM
Not a Eunuch, B. An online gentleman who's been carefully trained in proper behavior but can still enjoy the fact that he's mostly surrounded by women...
☄
A Day | 09.05.03 | 09:33:13 AM
High-Functioning Autism is all the rage! I couldn't be happier, even though it makes the disorder into the latest trendy syndrome du jour, because I don't think people really understand autism -- and autistics can't explain their condition because...they're autistic!! Har har...
Autism seems to be viewed by most people as some form of mental retardation, where you spend your life babbling semi-coherently, like Rain Man. Which is so not true. Some of us are very coherent in our babbling. I'm an excellent writer, excellent writer.
A welcome development is that autism is now being seen as a "spectrum disorder," meaning that, like high blood pressure, it's a condition that's more about degrees of difference from the norm than a disease like diabetes or cancer, where you either have it or you don't. This answers the common question of how Asperger Syndrome can be a real disorder when the symptoms are so broad that almost everyone can have them. Yes, many people possess traits that are similar to AS or autism, but people classified as autistic demonstrate those traits at a much higher level than average -- to the point where your normal functioning is significantly impaired.
I also like the suggestion in the article that autism, or at least AS, isn't a disease so much as a mental style, one that may be out of step with the "neurotypical" world, but is nevertheless a valid and potentially useful way of seeing the world. Obviously, if your condition is such that you can't function in the world, it's a huge problem, but for those of us who fall into the functional category, the traits that make up autism can give us a real advantage in certain areas.
Just don't invite us to parties, okay?
I know I talk about this a lot, but my discoveries about Asperger were a real turning point for me. Before I knew about this condition, I thought I was some kind of freak because I could never figure out how to relate to people in any normal way. I didn't know how to make chit-chat or even read people's emotions.
It's hard to explain, but it was like living in this bizarre, random world where people would just do things seemingly without reason or purpose. People would say words, and I'd understand the words, but not the feeling behind them. I guess the best illustration would be to imagine computer-generated voices emanating from mannequin heads. The basic meaning is there, but the emotional nuances are lost.
It worked the other way, too: for most of my life I've been angry and frustrated because I couldn't convey complex feelings to people. It was (and is) easier to just kiss them or hit them, or both, depending on the message I was trying to convey. I think the reason I write so damn much is to compensate for my inability to communicate in any other way.
Realizing that there is such a thing as AS gave me the explanation I never had. It didn't excuse me from learning to deal with people, but it did give me a reason to cut myself some slack and not feel like such a failure and a social incompetent. And I could feel better about the progress I've made over the past three decades. I don't know if I'll ever be normal in the way I'd like to be, but at least I'm inching forward.
I don't know what this says about my future romantic prospects, though. Frankly, I can't imagine people like this being a joy to hang out with. Sandra has managed to put up with my shit for a long time, but it was always a bumpy road. And I'm not sure if this is one of those situations where birds of a feather can flock together. Sure, if you can get two AS people together who are in sync, life can be good, but can you imagine two people with scant communication skills trying to have an argument? Yeesh!
Anyway, take the quiz (scroll down the page to find the link) and see where you fall along the spectrum. What's your "AQ Score"? Mine was 41 out of 50 ("very high - most people with Asperger Syndrome or high functioning autism score about 35").
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/05/2003 10:03:45 AM
I scored an 11. You can help me with my fear of dates and numbers and I'll play pretend with you. :-)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.10
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/05/2003 10:11:03 AM
Can we pretend to be counting ceiling tiles?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.214.75.0
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/05/2003 10:27:50 AM
I scored a 39. I figured as much. What you were saying definitely rang a bell with me. Although, technically, it shouldn't have. =)
Actually, I've always joked with people that I am slightly autistic, because I can often space out and start doing something like drawing the same doodle a hundred times when I should be participating in a conversation. But I never realized that it was actually a possibility! I've always felt bad that I have to work so hard to not be insensitive to people and I usually fail.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/05/2003 10:43:38 AM
My score was a 25 -- "above average", but not much else. Of course, a lot of the questions could be interpreted in other ways -- I'm always anxious and highly attentive in social situations, constantly trying to interpret what the other person is thinking, meaning, indicating, and trying to make sure I don't do anything rude or improper. Thus, social interaction is exhausting unless I'm with people I know well. That could just be massive low self esteem and insecurity :>
As for the sensitivity to lights and sounds...I like quiet and work to preserve my hearing because I love music. I have what are known as hyperdilative pupils which make me light sensitive (also makes me seem VERY friendly, or make me look too much like a big-eyed-kid-on-black-velvet painting).
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 63.191.104.176
URL: http://flowerhead.com
DATE: 09/05/2003 11:30:24 AM
I got an average score of 13 (lucky number!).
The questions were pretty general...for example, I'm pretty comfortable in social situations or meeting people, but the levels of that depend on the atmosphere. I've been in situations before where I've wanted to duck out in a hurry. There were a lot of questions that I wasn't sure exactly how to answer. Anyway, it's safe to say I'm never going to be as trendy as Smoove B.
I'd like to see a party with a room full of people with AS. What might that be like?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.10
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/05/2003 11:32:32 AM
They actually have conventions for people with AS. Which has always struck me as hilarious, because no one who really had AS would show up to something like that.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sandra
EMAIL: retrogirl56nospam@yahoo.com
IP: 65.45.150.10
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/sandra
DATE: 09/05/2003 01:11:34 PM
My score was 17, but this test bothers me in a number of ways. Most of the questions could have applied to just about anyone.
"New situations make me anxious" (for example) can apply to someone who is just risk-averse... it isn't necessarily a sign of AS. New situations make just about anyone nervous for one reason or another, but most of us handle them just fine. A better question might have been, "I feel awkward or unsure when confronted with new situations."
The structure of the questions is too simplistic. The choice of "slightly" vs. "definitely" is a poor methodology, since it forces the test taker to choose between extremes. Not allowing a neutral response is just sloppy.
Even questions that had more to do with AS were vague. Instead of asking something direct like "Once I start an activity, I find it very difficult to distract myself or start another task until it is finished." the question is, "I find it easy to do more than one thing at once." - a question that, by the way it is phrased alone, would probably confound most AS people.
Of course, I'm biased. It bothers me that AS is getting so "popular" these days. A lot of nerds self-diagnose AS in order to justify their misanthropy and isolation, and that's just infuriating, since dealing with AS is so much more than simple above-average intelligence or single-minded focus. It can be taxing and exhausting for the people who are significant in the AS person's life, and the shitty thing about it is that the AS person has no clue. You have to talk about it over and over and over again, and most people lose their patience, or their minds, before they can make headway.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/05/2003 01:46:23 PM
I got a 32, but defintely answered some of the questions in a way that would indicate I'm not autistic, e.g. no problems imagining or pretending or guessing characters' intentions in books. I had to give "obviously autistic" answers to the questions to reading and talking to people live.
But all-in-all, it's not like I think it'd help to sign up for therapy or something even I really did have mild autism, so it doesn't have much bearing.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/05/2003 02:06:51 PM
I don't know what my score is because I can't find the damn link to the quiz - I guess that means I just have a cognitive disability instead?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/05/2003 04:15:04 PM
Matthew, that just makes you more "special".
The link is in a sidebar on the left side as you scroll through the complete article, not too far down. You have to watch for it because it's only semi-obvious.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 209.19.117.18
URL: http://agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/05/2003 05:52:29 PM
I didn't know you had Ass Burger Syndrome! =)
I guess that makes you "more male than male". Meow.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/05/2003 05:59:40 PM
ha! since it is only semi-obvious, does that make me only semi-"special"?
i finally found the quiz, thank you Sherri!
frankly, i think anyone that can muster (love that word, "muster") enough attention to get through all 50 of those boring, horrible questions has little to worry about. the fact they can stay focused on the quiz, and finish it, without being taken off-task by aomething - anything - else is a sure sign they can function well in the "real world".
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/05/2003 06:01:00 PM
by the way, i couldn't stay focused enough to finish the boring quiz - what does that say about me?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/05/2003 08:21:01 PM
Possibly, Matthew, you lack the all important lemming quiz taking gene. I'll bet you hang up on telephone surveyers and only glance at the picture when some female in your life leaves Cosmo open to the monthly quiz...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jeff
EMAIL: tambrnman@hotmail.com
IP: 68.69.20.166
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/intersensei
DATE: 09/05/2003 10:29:15 PM
ok, just like Matthew, it took me 10 minutes to find the damn quiz. Then I got through 10 questions, got bored and quit.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 62.254.128.4
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 09/06/2003 02:00:01 AM
39. But I knew that. I suspect that being told I prolly have AS influenced many of my answers.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 12.254.95.0
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/06/2003 05:48:12 AM
I was 16. However, the older I get, the more I find that I would rather keep to myself than be around other people. So, if I answered the questions based solely on my feelings the past year and not total life experience, I probably would have scored much higher, even though I definitely don't have AS.
I think you have a LOT of empathy for others, B! Maybe you aren't good at understanding in real life nuances, but after reading about something that someone is going through, you leave excellent, kind, and caring comments.
I read about a couple who had a happy marriage for 48 years (before the hubby died). They kept notebooks, and every night they'd sit in bed next to each other and write in their notebook "journals", and then have the other person read it. I always wanted to find a man who would do that. What a great way to get close, AND to stop every day and not take each other (or their life experiences) for granted!
I think if you ever found a woman who would educate herself on your condition, then if you both worked on "workarounds" in communication that would be right for you both, that you'd have great luck in a romantic relationship!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/06/2003 08:31:05 AM
I initially had trouble finding the link, too. But then I took a cognitive quotient quiz and scored a 5.
Out of 80.
It's a miracle I can get my computer on or make telephone calls.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/06/2003 08:33:23 AM
I'm a 23 (at the very low end of "above average"), though I think that's mostly because I'm dorky and high-strung.
I agree with Sandra that this quiz was badly put together, though. The SLIGHTLY OR DEFINITLY THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND thing bugs especially. Anyway, I doubt that I have Asperger's regardless, because I'm not a better writer than I am a talker. In fact, I talk exactly how I write, which is in a weird, wandery sort of way with a tendency to go off on random tangents and...
...
...What was I saying?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Marissa
EMAIL: riss@feelingismutual.com
IP: 164.58.89.2
URL: http://www.feelingismutual.com/blog.php
DATE: 09/06/2003 05:50:11 PM
I scored an 32 but I empathize fine, to a fault probably... I just can't communicate or emote worth crap. My greatest fear has always been that I won't be able to emote properly when a loved one dies. I think about it almost every day. And communication? I take passive aggressive to a whole new level.
My boyfriend has AS on about your Level, B. You can imagine our fun conversations. The good thing is that we never fight since it's too painfuly time consuming and frustrating to try and discuss problems...not that we often notice that there are any. We're a hoot at social gatherings.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Dymphna
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 195.182.168.59
URL: http://katemonkey.livejournal.com/
DATE: 09/08/2003 02:35:48 AM
27! Woo!
I think the question about "I find it very hard to regain focus if I'm interrupted" was a trick question. It's not my fault my attention span is about the length of a spider monkey's! Honest!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/09/2003 09:37:12 PM
I scored a 9. But then again it took me a good 5 minutes or so to find the link on the page so what does that say about me and details? :) I have two second cousins who are autistic and another that I would have to say, based on the article, may be an AS candidate.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Xkot
EMAIL: xkot@xkot.net
IP: 68.17.253.82
URL: http://www.xkot.net
DATE: 09/14/2003 12:35:26 AM
Wow, I'm average! That's probably only because there wasn't a question saying "Did you wait to start dating until you were 30?"
☄
A Day | 09.08.03 | 09:13:11 AM
I'm having this problem lately where I get tired at around 10 p.m., go to bed by midnight, and then wake up on my own, sans alarm, at around 6 or 7 in the morning, alert and refreshed. I've looked these symptoms up in my sleep disorder book, but I can't find any information. It's kind of freaking me out. Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon, and is there any treatment?
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.214.75.0
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/08/2003 10:26:36 AM
What you need to do is get a job. That will instantly cure that problem and you will no longer want to get out of bed at 7 in the morning.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/08/2003 01:19:04 PM
Oh how I wish I felt your pain.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/08/2003 02:07:05 PM
I can understand your concern, especially with the spectre of good health, clear skin, untroubled digestion and precise thinking threatening you. It is a daunting prospect to surrender the ghostly palor, depressive demeanor and general malaise of insomnia you have enjoyed for so very long.
This is one of those strange disorders that causes one to lose contact with a familiar and accustomed social group to such a point that it is necessary to find a new social group with a similar affliction.
Fortunately, this current disorder may be just a temporary interruption in your established sleeplessness. I'm sure with a steady diet of crapfood, caffiene, alcohol and especially sugar, you can put an end to this new pattern and resume your normal, miserable existance, complete with the senseless worries, paranoia, causeless anxiety and all the other pleasures of life to which you are accustomed.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/08/2003 02:13:38 PM
it's called getting old!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 12.254.95.0
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/08/2003 03:27:34 PM
It's your psychic message to yourself that you will be in a mainstream, 9-5 job soon. Ya poor bastard.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.137.2.230
URL: http://www.agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/08/2003 09:26:53 PM
On the off-chance that it's contagious, could you please sneeze into a tissue and send it to me?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 09/09/2003 01:39:53 PM
Seriously, if you are drinking alcohol, that is what is doing it. Alcohol messes up your sleep patterns, making it hard to stay asleep.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.20
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/09/2003 01:44:28 PM
See, that's the weird thing -- I'm not drinking, at least not during these days when I have trouble. I wonder if it's the Wellbutrin? I was slacking off on it for a while, but I recently started being better about taking it.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/09/2003 02:48:20 PM
I bet that's it. Maybe your body is getting used to it again.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/09/2003 03:05:24 PM
Ya know, B, it may just happen that, for you, Welbutrin is The Wonder Drug of your life. Like insulin for diabetics, you simply function better on it than off it.
Or maybe you ate a green vegetable or something. ;>
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.20
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/09/2003 03:11:13 PM
I just need to find that "sweet spot" dosage where it makes me feel normal without turning me into Mr. Spaztastic.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/09/2003 05:18:59 PM
Youve got my sympathy. I was only on Prozac for 3 1/2 years, but it took almost a year of constant fiddling to find the right dosage (ended up at 50mm every other day with the occasional double day -- can't explain it, but it worked).
Too bad you can't get antidepressants in a skin patch or something.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.214.75.0
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/09/2003 07:25:03 PM
That is a great nickname for somebody, "Mr. Spaztastic". I'm going to store that one in my memory.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/09/2003 09:29:56 PM
My current sleep disorder is that I get sleepy after lunch time, don't get to bed until about 1 a.m., then am awakened several times during the night needing to console coughing child, taking dog out to poop or investigating strange noises that mainly turn out to be one of the kitten cats. Then ofcourse by the time the alarms goes off at 6:00 a.m., I'm too tired to get out of bed. But in all seriousness, I have a newphew who is on Wellbutrin. He has a hard time sleeping and will stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning until he finally does collapses from exhaustion. I keep asking his dad to get his dosage rechecked because then during the day he is too tired pay attention in school.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Angela
EMAIL: ienjoyfarting@yahoo.com
IP: 65.117.192.66
URL: http://theshakedown.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/12/2003 07:29:32 AM
What works best for me is, 2 shots of nyquil at 8pm, asleep by 9pm, wake up at 9am. 12 hours of hard sleep always works wonder for me.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Xkot
EMAIL: xkot@xkot.net
IP: 68.17.253.82
URL: http://www.xkot.net
DATE: 09/14/2003 12:36:02 AM
Heh... that's what I'm doing awake right now.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Xkot
EMAIL: xkot@xkot.net
IP: 68.17.253.82
URL: http://www.xkot.net
DATE: 09/14/2003 12:36:03 AM
Heh... that's what I'm doing awake right now.
☄
A Day | 09.10.03 | 03:02:19 AM
I think my little "normal sleep cycle" thing has finally gone away. It's almost 3 a.m. now and I'm not only wide awake but enjoying a heart-healthy glass of red wine!
Xkot's fourth anniversary put me in a nostalgic frame of mind, so I dragged out the ol' Wayback Machine, dusted it off, and set it to 1999.....
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 12.254.95.0
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/10/2003 05:07:11 AM
I remember 1999 because New Year's Eve 1999 was the last time I had a date on new year's eve!
Bugger.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 12.254.95.0
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/10/2003 05:08:27 AM
BTW, how do you pronounce Fyun? Is it like "Funyons?"
Mmmmm, funyons! Makes me want to smoke pot so I'd actually be hungry for one of em.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 09/10/2003 07:39:39 AM
OMG, your Byun-O-Matic page is friggin' HILARIOUS!
You are a genius.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: GrooveBunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 209.246.244.1
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/10/2003 09:10:29 AM
"Dont Harrass The Ass!" I love it! If I hadn't already made my morning bathroom run I would have peed my pants. Brilliant! :) Sad thing about NY Eve 1999 is that I was singing "1999" in a cover band for a party. That was the worse butchering of the song I've ever heard, ever.:)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/10/2003 10:01:07 AM
"rhymes with 'Fyun'"...
HA!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/10/2003 12:35:54 PM
That support link rules.
"Resign yourself to the inevitably of death!" Awesome.
Hey, I had a fake corporate site going in "back in the 90's" too. Hmm. Most of it makes me wince, though.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.35
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/10/2003 12:40:28 PM
Is it still online anywhere? Post it!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: bakiwop
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/10/2003 02:11:26 PM
"The expensive whores were probably a bad move," Penguin admitted, "but the switch to the cheaper whores should provide an immediate boost to the bottom line."
That's so beautiful it made me want to cry.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/10/2003 04:49:25 PM
Err...I can't really explain all of it...
http://phalange.corrupt.net/archive/
A lot of the "divisions" are empty links. Ah, ambition.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.39
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/10/2003 08:19:34 PM
"Unforeseen Eschatology" -- dude, that is some funny shit.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.136.250.34
URL: http://www.agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/10/2003 10:23:09 PM
Wow, this is good stuff!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 66.214.75.0
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/10/2003 10:29:17 PM
To think I've missed out on so many years of good stuff having only discovered you in February 2002! I can't even remember my life before that time, it has no meaning now.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.19
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/11/2003 03:02:08 AM
The funny thing is, neither can I! That's why I keep my weblog going, because if I ever stopped for good I might start to disintegrate or something. It's like the Weblog of Dorian Gray.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Xkot
EMAIL: xkot@xkot.net
IP: 68.17.253.82
URL: http://www.xkot.net
DATE: 09/14/2003 12:38:07 AM
I love the Byun-o-matic page, especially because you included the classic 'stock photo of people smiling taken from abve.'
☄
A Day | 09.11.03 | 01:00:50 AM
I woke up late that morning, and I'm on the West Coast which makes it even later. I didn't turn on the TV or radio, just fired up the computer and started my morning web surfing.
The first mention of it was on a movie geek site, a brief paragraph in the news section about how hijackers had crashed airplanes into the World Trade Center towers and brought them down. I thought it was a joke. I remember thinking it was in poor taste to joke about something like that, because how horrible would it be if that really happened?
Then I read it again and I thought, "wait a minute, did it happen?" So I went to the CNN website. Their front page was blank except for a brief sentence about how terrorists had attacked New York and Washington, and more information would be forthcoming.
That blank page made my stomach twist into knots. Something had happened that CNN didn't have a prefab template for. No ready-made graphics. No instant punditry. Just that hastily written sentence, and silence.
I turned on the TV, and the fist in my gut clenched harder when I saw the same thing happening with the news anchors. No polished presentations or scripted news reports. Just these dazed, shaken faces stammering, searching for something coherent to say. I've never seen a TV anchorman look so confused and utterly human. It was a terrifying sight.
Then they showed footage of the first plane hitting the tower.
"I couldn't believe what I was seeing" is one of the oldest clichés in the world, but for once it was true. I was seeing it, but my mind was not accepting it. "This is not happening," I said to myself. "Shit like this does not happen. Not in America."
The news kept coming. All flights in the country were suspended. Again, my mind tried to encompass this and failed. Every plane in America had been grounded. The skies above America were empty.
Then the second tower. My mouth just hung open. A jet, a fucking airliner, crashing into the side of a skyscraper. God knows how many lives snuffed out just like that. The World Trade Center.
The Pentagon, looking like a cake someone had taken a slice out of with a shovel. How many people had died? How did this happen? Shit like this does not happen!
The world became unfamiliar and strange. It was like we had entered some weird shadow dimension. Nothing made sense. Finally I had to go lie down. I didn't know what else to do. I just wanted to sleep.
I woke up a couple of hours later. It was dusk, and the apartment was shrouded in gloom. For a moment I didn't know where I was, or if I'd been dreaming the whole thing. I switched on the TV again and there it was, still happening.
☄
A Day | 09.11.03 | 12:45:07 PM
I just got a groovy e-mail from Leslie, one of my old high school classmates. We've been keeping in contact over the past year or so. She's hilarious and we get along well. Now the weird thing is, I never spoke so much as two sentences to her during all my years at Sunny Hills High. We moved in different circles -- she was one of the Kool Kidz™ and I was with the Geek League™. But now, 17 years later, we're buds? What's up with that?
In fact, I correspond with four other former classmates, and out of that four, all four are people I had zero or close to zero contact with in high school. And the friends I did hang out with during that time? Zip. I haven't heard from any of them in years and years. (In fact, my current closest friend-from-high-school, Kevin, I barely knew at Sunny Hills. We only became friends after graduation.)
It's weird talking to these guys about high school, because, you know, usually when you talk to old classmates it's all about looking back at your shared memories and reliving all those special moments. But with these guys, what we mostly talk about is how none of us knew how much we had in common, and how we should have hung out together, and all the cool moments we might have shared, had we been friends.
What weirds me out even more is that these people have followed my weblog over the years, so they know me now in a way they never knew me then. I can't explain why, exactly, but this blows my mind.
Of course, this is also why I started this private blog.
One strange consequence of this situation is what I can only call the "retroactive crush." For instance, when I knew Leslie in high school, I dismissed her as a shallow airhead because she hung out with the airhead crowd, and every time I saw her she was either hanging onto some meathead jock or doing that whole "bouncy Preppie" thing which, I don't know if kids still do that, but if you went to high school in the 80's you probably know what I mean.
Getting to know Leslie now, however, I realize that my impression of her in high school was totally wrong. Behind the shallow Preppie façade, she was actually a high powered intellectual girl geek who was secretly into comics and sci-fi. She had the second-highest SAT score in our class. Who knew?? I mean, if I'd known this about her back then, I probably would have had a gigantic crush on her. I don't have a crush on her now, but my former high school self has a retroactive crush on her former high school self. And we have this friendship that is based on the fact that we should have been friends 17 years ago.
This makes me want to look up everyone I never spoke to in high school and relive all those non-memories.
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/11/2003 02:09:50 PM
Believe me, we still have the bouncey preppies. You know, the ones you want to strangle with your bare hands? Yeah, them.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/11/2003 02:51:04 PM
eek! everyone? really?
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 66.173.50.139
URL: http://flowerhead.com
DATE: 09/11/2003 07:26:57 PM
I have one friend left from high school, and now and then we gossip about the whereabouts of our former classmates, and how most of them sucked. It's kind of like a low-fi version of VH1's "Where Are They Now?" It was a pretty small school, so I think we have a pretty good handle on how and why many of them sucked. Did you go to a large school?
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.135.132.128
URL: http://www.agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/11/2003 08:13:09 PM
My bestestestest friend from high school hasn't spoken to me in about eight years. I never knew why she got so angry with me, and I still don't. I tried to mend things a few years ago when she was getting married in our home town. She never returned my calls or emails and told our mutual friends that I'd "changed" and she just didn't ever want to talk to me again. Oh, well. I tried.
Oddly the person from high school that I'm now best of friends with is the geeky underclassman that lived next door to her (whom we used to let tag along with us sometimes).
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/11/2003 10:14:18 PM
I don't keep in touch with my friends from high school. All my old girlfriends went the way of trying to find themselves the richest husbands to satisfy their Gucci smack addictions. Maybe that's why I never kept in touch. I'm allergic to Gucci.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/11/2003 10:55:12 PM
I've actually retained my core friends from high school and college (thanks to the Internet! probably). Of course, I had fewer to maintain than most.
Also, thanks to the power of the Internet and mailing lists, I was in touch with my non-friends from high school for a little while. My nerdy gang got into an *ugly* flamewar with the more vocal assholes on the list, thus freaking out a lot of people that didn't know me too well, so I didn't find out if any of the people I didn't hang out with were actually interesting people.
But yeah, I'd be shocked if I made the high school fantasy-esque kind of "popular girl is actually kind and geeky" discovery that you did.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rengirl
EMAIL: imac@pixelsensei.com
IP: 4.43.203.104
URL:
DATE: 09/12/2003 05:36:09 AM
Now there's only one way to find your old high school chums... you have to log into your Friendster account. Look - it's working for me so far... I'm finding all the people that curse and spit upon me! Hurrah.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.135.132.128
URL: http://www.agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/12/2003 06:39:09 AM
Yeah, B. I'm sure that's pretty rare. You're very lucky to have made that discovery! =)
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 64.252.186.99
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 09/12/2003 08:24:14 AM
What weirds me out is when I run into one of the Popular People from high school, and they get all gushy and embrace me like a long, lost friend. I cross paths with Varsity Superstar Lance Jockley at Wal-Mart, and he grabs me in a bear hug and introduces me to his son as "Daddy's good friend Keely."
I'm stunned that he remembers my name.
Then he invites me to "come party at Jerry's house like we did in school," clearly forgetting that I was never invited to those parties. And that I would have been afraid to show up even if I had been.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/12/2003 09:07:45 AM
I don't talk to anyone from highschool, and now that you mention it I'm not really sure why. I have run into a couple of kids who were all National Honor Society and MIT scholarships, and they freak out over how smart I was. How they competed with me and shit. Which makes literally NO SENSE. I think they confused SMART ASS KNOW IT ALL with ACTUAL SCHOLASTIC KNOWLEDGE. They're always confused about why I went to the state university. "No, seriously; this was the best I could do."
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/17/2003 09:59:08 AM
I love that I left the last comment like four days ago. Nothing is that awkward.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: THIRD COMMENT IN A ROW IN A WEEK GIRL
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/19/2003 05:05:06 PM
You know how sometimes you're supposed to meet some people at a restaurant? Only sometimes the people all decide amonst themselves that they're going to go somewhere else instead? So you end up sitting all alone in the first restaurant in your new shoes and your party hat and the present that you paid to have professionally wrapped?
THAT'S HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.20
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/19/2003 05:14:52 PM
Oh my God, you're still posting here? Please! Everybody who's anybody is already over at the new URL! *rolls eyes*
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.156.253.220
URL: http://www.agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/19/2003 09:07:38 PM
Wait... what?
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.2
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/19/2003 10:51:23 PM
Yeah, it's my new site...B² After After After Hours. It's so exclusive, even I can't get in!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/20/2003 06:42:21 AM
maybe we should all start posting posts in the comments if the b2-ster doesn't update after a few days? i figure that way i can get a pseudo-b2 fix.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Keely St. Clair
EMAIL: SpyWhoLovedYou@aol.com
IP: 64.252.186.99
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/keely
DATE: 09/20/2003 06:42:27 AM
You know, this whole time I was thinking that maybe you regretted giving me a password, and that you went and built a whole new passworded site that EVERYONE ELSE was having a great time posting on, and you left this up just as a decoy for me.
Stuff like this happened to me all the time in high school.
☄
A Day | 09.24.03 | 12:46:43 AM
You have to have a certain distance from events in your life before you can write about them with any kind of honesty or clarity. But some things, I don't know if I'll ever get far enough away from. That's what scares me. I'll never be able to tell the stories I want to tell, because just thinking about them breaks my fucking heart.
Speaking is an act of sacrifice. When you tell a story, you give part of it away for good. It's gone, it's out there, and it will never completely belong to you again.
So, some words I hang onto because they're all I have left of the things that have run away, out of my life, forever.
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.129.152
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 09/24/2003 09:32:00 AM
Maybe when you speak the words that tell your story, you transform it from your personal memory into a memory that will always exist in the universe. You share it, sure, and maybe that's a sacrifice, but I don't think you lose it when you share it. I think it's only by moving the words out of your head and heart thru your mouth (or fingers) that you make something that you can hold onto of the things that have run away, out of your life, forever.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 66.237.70.170
URL:
DATE: 09/24/2003 10:48:53 AM
spread the wealth, share the stories, imagine how our little faces will light up with joy.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 152.163.252.164
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/24/2003 10:55:43 AM
Is this why you haven't been writing much lately? I miss you.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Angela
EMAIL: ienjoyfarting@yahoo.com
IP: 65.117.192.66
URL: http://theshakedown.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/24/2003 12:13:50 PM
That was amazing. Marry me.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL:
DATE: 09/24/2003 12:50:51 PM
You lose part of the story when you tell it. You also create new parts.
I saw this somewhere today while touring the web -- wish I could remember where I was, who I'm quoting, or the exact words, but it echoed something i've been talking about for a few days.
Happy people have no stories.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 09/24/2003 12:54:22 PM
Angela, he's marrying me, so back off sistah!
Hee!
Seriously Bster, wish I could give you a big hug.
I agree with Wendy, I've missed you. However, I know everyone needs to step away from the blog thing once in a while.
When something painful happens, I don't have the strength to tell the story until some time passes.
Sometimes, I need to be upset about something else. Then I figure, "What the hell, I'm already upset, may as well think about that other thing and tell the story."
I always, ALWAYS feel better having told the story.
I also feel better when others tell me their stories back to me, and I know I'm not alone in the experience.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.25
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/24/2003 01:17:12 PM
You guys are the best. Let me sock you all on the arm.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: matthew
EMAIL: bino1@hotmail.com
IP: 68.117.20.27
URL: http://bakiwop.f2o.org
DATE: 09/24/2003 01:38:23 PM
if you won't write about the stories, can you write about the feelings?
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
EMAIL: susan@flowerhead.com
IP: 63.191.104.19
URL: http://flowerhead.com
DATE: 09/24/2003 03:54:40 PM
I totally can relate to that post.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/24/2003 11:40:08 PM
Hannah's right; if you don't share it on some level it never becomes real. And it is hard, but the core of what you had of it always stays with you. That essence, you know? But you have to get it out there so you can hug it or stab it or do whatever you have to do to it.
We love you, B.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/25/2003 12:43:00 AM
I can totally relate to what you're saying B. At the moment the things that have hurt me the most I can find no words for. Plus there's this thing about becoming completely vunerable by the feelings and stories you choose to share. On a happier note, if you're marrying either Angela or Mary, can I be the flower girl?!? :)
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 12.212.207.245
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/25/2003 01:40:21 AM
Heh. Reading your comment pages is like watching a Hard Day's Night.
Always with the mobs of girls screaming marriage proposals and fainting! Well, maybe not any fainting. Then again, if they fainted, they wouldn't be able to post comments, so perhaps some of them did faint.
Anyway, I think I might know what you're talking about, but I'm not sure. Usually when there's something that just crushes me when I think about it, I really want to get rid of it. But at the same time, I don't want to let it out, not because I want it to belong to me forever, but for the selfish reason that I don't want to look like a tool.
Either way: Stay as strong as can, comrade!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 12.212.207.245
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/25/2003 01:41:23 AM
Er, "strong as *you* can" that is.
Although some cans are pretty strong, so I guess that works, too.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.6
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/25/2003 08:05:12 AM
Jim: Yep, that's me -- the Shaun Cassidy of weblogging (he said, yawning and scratching his butt).
The "not wanting to look like a tool" factor is definitely present as well. There's a fine line between "bravely honest reflections on life-changing events of the past" and "maudlin ramblings into the world of sentimental tedium." And I am sure I have crossed that line many, many times!
Speaking of past events and looking like a tool, your "can" comment reminded me of when I was a little kid, and I crushed this soda can in my hand. At the time, soda cans were still made out of tin, so they were fiendishly hard to crush. I was all "hot damn, I'm strong!" and feeling all buff and shit, until it was pointed out to me that they had started making cans out of aluminum now, so an arthritic 90 year old could have performed the same feat. D'ohh!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 172.192.2.90
URL:
DATE: 09/25/2003 08:19:27 AM
and now that you're all growed, it's obvious that crushing heads is much more fun ('crush crush crush')
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Angela
EMAIL: ienjoyfarting@yahoo.com
IP: 65.117.192.66
URL: http://theshakedown.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/25/2003 08:48:37 AM
Ok MARY, enough of this fighting over Bryan. I say we take it to the streets and go at it for real. A game of checkers perhaps? Dominos? What do you say? Winner takes ALL.
Of course, we could always share, but I don't know how you two would feel about that. I'm open. ;)
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.6
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/25/2003 08:55:57 AM
Life is good.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/25/2003 11:09:55 AM
B, I'm having trouble feeling too sympathetic towards you right now. :)
I mean, hot girls playing dominoes for you? Does it get any better than that?
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: estella
EMAIL: floatdrownswim@hotmail.com
IP: 68.99.210.225
URL: http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/25/2003 11:11:23 AM
potatoes, tomatoes, shoees, dominoes...
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 09/25/2003 12:29:02 PM
Did someone say Dominoes Pizza?
Time for lunch! ;-)
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/25/2003 03:04:28 PM
Get the door, it's McDonalds!
...Whoa. Too many product slogans! head feels funny.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.161.162.88
URL: http://www.agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/25/2003 05:30:59 PM
Yeah... don't all guys dream of having two chicks fight over them in a fully-clothed, battle of wits? ;-)
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.29
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/25/2003 05:39:19 PM
It works for me, but I'm kinky that way.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://formyselfandothers.blogspot.com/
DATE: 09/28/2003 04:40:42 PM
Hey, ya got me thinking about the whole 'telling stories" thing.
So I went and rejoined the weblogging world. I am open to design improvement suggestions, but only if you are willing to send me the HTML code -- I'm clueless.
B-man, it's all your fault, just so you know.
http://formyselfandothers.blogspot.com/
☄
A Day | 09.29.03 | 04:03:48 PM
I just found out today that one of my best friends from high school is expecting a baby in January.
And with that, my first High School Friend Having a Baby, I have officially crossed the threshold.
I am old.
Please send cash donations in lieu of flowers. Thank you.
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jim
EMAIL: chaos@corrupt.net
IP: 67.106.83.29
URL: http://chaos.corrupt.net
DATE: 09/29/2003 05:50:59 PM
That sounds unfun.
Seeing people getting married all over the place is no picnic, either. It painfully reminds one that he's been living like a fifteen-year-old for a really long time. It's enough to make one want to retreat home and play Nintendo, download porn, and draw pictures of dudes getting killed for the remainder of one's days.
(Man, using "one" instead of using for first- or second-person is pretty freakin' stuffy.)
I can't wait for the baby wave.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://formyselfandothers.blogspot.com/
DATE: 09/29/2003 05:58:27 PM
Feh. Must be a male thing. Seems like most of my friends were either having babies while they were IN highschool, or were married within a year or so of graduation and popping out the puppies. Most of those marrieds were divorced within about 5 years or so.
Of course, I live in The South. Perhaps it's more common down here.
The year I got married was the same year of my 10th Highschool reunion. I was a late bloomer. This year is my highschool's 20th reunion.
So shaddup about the feeling OLD shit. It never fucking goes away. You continue to look around and realize you are older. I spent part of my vacation at a resort that catered mostly to retired folk. Everyone there looked like my grandparents. Then I actually calculated the ages and realized, at best, they could be my parents. The staff at this resort could have, with a damned few exceptions, have easily been my CHILDREN. The rush of reality almost had me throwing up.
THAT's feeling old, my fine fellahs. Now I'm going to download some music and pretend for a while.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 152.163.252.164
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/29/2003 08:23:44 PM
Had you gone to high school in Kansas, like I did, you would have crossed that threshold almost immediately after graduation.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 172.196.201.102
URL:
DATE: 09/29/2003 09:04:01 PM
shut up, asshat.
[the preceding love was brought to you by me - 34 year old native los angelino, working mom, with a 4 year old daughter]
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: BOB
EMAIL: bob@agirlnamedbob.com
IP: 172.133.197.66
URL: http://www.agirlnamedbob.com
DATE: 09/29/2003 09:11:46 PM
Yeah, I cried when I realized I was too old to be on the Real World. Another dream shattered! =(
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: groovebunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 68.224.168.139
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/29/2003 11:08:29 PM
Hah! I bet I'm older than you! :) All my friends had their first kid in their twenties. I waited until I was in my 30's. But that was only cause my ex was a drunkark and I didn't know if I got pregnant if I'd end up a damn widow and my kidlet an orphan or something at the rate he was going. C'est la vie.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 65.45.150.6
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 09/30/2003 03:27:31 AM
See, here's the thing. The kids I hung out with in high school, we were not the "can't wait to grow up" type who had to run out and do all the grownup things like smoke and drive and have sex. We were kids, we liked being kids, and we intended to remain kids as long as possible, preferably into our 60's. It was almost like an unspoken pact between us, that we would never grow up and do grown up things like get married and have kids.
I kinda ruined that early on by getting married at 23. But the pact basically held fast, because nobody else got married until years and years later. And I figured the ONE thing everyone would agree on is that nobody would go and do a fool thing like having kids, which would cement the whole "adulthood" thing. So the fact that my friend Kara would go and get preggo is, in my mind, a betrayal of all we once stood for.
Plus, I mean, this is Kara. I wish you all knew her so you'd understand what I mean by those italics. In my mind she will always be a surly 16 year old having girly crushes on much older gay actors. Girls like that do not get pregnant. They just don't, okay?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 12.254.95.0
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/30/2003 04:53:24 AM
She has officially crossed to The Other Side. Expect not to be able to have a conversation with her about anything besides that baby for at least 3 years.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: GrooveBunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 209.246.244.90
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/30/2003 09:39:01 AM
Yeah I've taken on the whole adult responsibility thing. But then again you can always find ways to remain connected to your childhood or have the childhood you never had. If anything my awesome collection of action figures are a testiment of that! :) *skips off happily to play with action figures*
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sherri
EMAIL: Sylkenvelvet@yahoo.com
IP: 68.59.165.165
URL: http://formyselfandothers.blogspot.com/
DATE: 09/30/2003 09:55:24 AM
Hmm. I'm staring 39 flat in the face and am only now trying to do the baby thing. If I don't, I don't -- it isn't life or death with me, just something I feel FINALLY able to take on and do well. That may sound cold, but, hey, there are worse attitudes.
I know what you mean, B-boy. I really do. It's all in the image of "kid" and "adult", tho. You started being an adult, in my world, as soon as you could make and spend your own money, and you were paying rent on a place of your own. That right there is the big ol' crossing. Everything else is just extra. As long as you live on someone else's money without making a contribution, you are not an adult -- in my world. I know too many girls who had babies and lived with their parents. They were mommies, but in many ways they were not adults.
What else is there that makes someone a "kid" and someone else an "adult"? I don't do any of the things my parents did, for the most part. I clean house when I can't stand it anymore, not every Saturday. I don't play pinocle with the nieghbors -- I play AD&D and other RPGs. I don't fish or watch sports of any kind. I don't follow a single soap opera. In many ways I still like the same sort of things I liked when I was 18. I just don't get as emotional about them, and I know they aren't the be-all of my life.
Now I'm confused.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: dvl
EMAIL: dvloranger@aol.com
IP: 66.237.70.170
URL:
DATE: 09/30/2003 12:18:10 PM
though very obviously a part of corporate life, i have been dubbed 'punk rock mom' at my daughter's preschool just because i have a tattoo and still go see bands play regularly...
having a kid means that i now actually have an excuse to be silly all the time - and i must confess to being excited about being able to take her to 'all ages' shows when she's just a bit older.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: GrooveBunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 209.246.244.90
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/30/2003 12:32:01 PM
I have to agree with dvl. I am having so much fun with my kid now and take him to any shows that allows kids. I started living on my own when I turned twenty. I paid my own bills and did the mortgage but truely for me, I didn't really feel like an adult until I had my wee one. There was something about being totally responsible for the welfare of another human being that brought it all home for me. Oh and the extreme hormone change that women go through was the underscore. At that moment in my life I truely understood how a momma bear felt about her cubs. :)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rachel
EMAIL: angrypixel@hotmail.com
IP: 24.247.173.41
URL: http://roninneko.blogspot.com
DATE: 09/30/2003 04:59:15 PM
As the sole representative of the "young whippersnapper" community here, I will say, for the record, "You are old, dude."
But not that that's entirely a bad thing. I mean, think of all the stuff that old people can do! You can drink (legally)! You can run for political office! You can feel nostalgic about your childhood! You can have, like, wisdom an' shit!
When you think about it that way, being old is actually pretty sweet.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: KateMonkey
EMAIL: dymphna@dymphna.net
IP: 80.4.128.48
URL: http://www.katemonkey.co.uk
DATE: 10/01/2003 03:58:01 AM
Okay, yo, being that my best friends are having babies, and we're all in our mid-twenties, I feel old already.
Damnit, people, stop having babies! Stop it! I see my father-in-law giving me looks! I'm not going to breed for him!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Angela
EMAIL: ienjoyfarting@yahoo.com
IP: 65.117.192.66
URL: http://theshakedown.diaryland.com
DATE: 10/01/2003 02:38:25 PM
Having babies has nothing to do with being old anymore. Half my graduating class has babies DURING highschool.
You'll be alright, B², lots of chicks dig old guys. I know I do.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Angela
EMAIL: ienjoyfarting@yahoo.com
IP: 65.117.192.66
URL: http://theshakedown.diaryland.com
DATE: 10/01/2003 02:40:15 PM
That's supposed to be *had* not has.
Which means half my graduating class has 8 and 9 year old kids now! you do the math.
☄
A Day | 09.30.03 | 02:31:08 AM
I saw Lost in Translation again the other night. My affection for this movie borders on the unseemly. Partly because I can relate so strongly to what the characters are going through. And partly because I love this style of filmmaking -- the drifting quality, the deliberate haziness, the acceptance of haziness, but not in a posturing or self-conscious way. I love movies that celebrate the spaces in between the Big Ideas, the place ruled by the ambiguity of uncertain truths.
Lost in Translation, I believe, is an inherently Taoist film, at least in the ways that I define Taoist beliefs. To me, Taoism is about letting go of ideas of what you think you're supposed to be, and embracing what you are, here and now. It's about finding out who you really are, and living that life to the fullest. It's not about grasping in the dark for meaning, but about relaxing and letting comprehension dawn on its own -- and trusting the cosmos to provide the answers you seek.
Early in the film, Charlotte visits a Buddhist temple, and leaves feeling unsatisfied, because she hasn't felt what she expected to feel. To me, that's the quintessential Western experience of spirituality. We grasp at beliefs in the hope that they will bring us some epiphany or breakthrough, and find ourselves vaguely disappointed when that doesn't happen. If you compare that to the scene later in the film where Charlotte visits Kyoto and sees the newly-married couple...to me, those two scenes are the spiritual bookends of the film. One an attempt to tap into a transcendence that one hasn't truly achieved, and the other a moment of pure, serendipitous, absolute beauty that comes because the character has already opened that passageway in her heart.
In other words, it's not about finding meaning. It's about allowing yourself to become open to meaning. That's what I read into the film, anyway.
The other thing I love about the film is the central relationship between Bob and Charlotte. I love the fact that it isn't about sex. Which is not to say that I have anything against sex; far from it. Sex good. What I mean is, the thing Bob and Charlotte share is something I've always sought. A pure connection that transcends the physical and the sexual. Not a familial love, not a platonic love, but not a sexual love, either. Does that make any sense?
Do you ever wish we lived in a world where a man and a woman could express a true and pure love for each other without falling into the established categories of male-female intimacy? Does that sound crazy? Is it just me? I guess I just get tired sometimes of the mundane banality of textbook human interactions. I'm tired of taking one step that leads down a whole path of steps that take me somewhere I'm not even sure I want to go.
- - - Comments - - -
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 12.254.95.0
URL: http://www.rantorama.com
DATE: 09/30/2003 04:57:54 AM
Honey, it is SO not just you.
That's why I always wax so romantic about WWII love affairs. (Of course, when my blog was public I was chastized as a monster for saying that war is romantic, which is not what I'm saying).
People were vulnerable, and everyone had this sense of urgency that made them drop pretense. Relationships developed through letters, where one can forget about sexuality and focus on the "real" stuff.
I'm not explaining myself well, but I know you'll know what I mean.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Wendy
EMAIL: wendy@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 64.12.96.169
URL: http://weirdsmobile.com/wendy
DATE: 09/30/2003 08:29:18 AM
I was so relieved that they never had sex. I kept getting nervous that Sofia was going to ruin the movie for me. And then she didn't. It was beautiful.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: GrooveBunny
EMAIL: grooveladi@remove_meyahoo.com
IP: 209.246.244.90
URL: http://groovebunny.diaryland.com
DATE: 09/30/2003 09:44:29 AM
I may be wrong but what you are describing in a mate sounds very much what I believe a soul mate is. Someone who completes you and who you complete. Once completed there is no need for jealousy or power struggles and both are able to love each other equally and with their entire hearts. *sigh*
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mary
EMAIL: mary@rantorama.com
IP: 204.87.171.4
URL: http://rantorama.com
DATE: 09/30/2003 12:16:36 PM
I agree with GrooveBunny. The last two serious boyfriends I had considered sex as "connected" as two people get. After that, it was back to their "guy stuff" and ignore the girlfriend.
I feel sorry for people like that, who never knows what it means to really connect with another person. It's the best feeling in the world.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: hannah
EMAIL: hannahw@med.umich.edu
IP: 141.214.129.152
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/misshannah
DATE: 10/01/2003 06:22:15 AM
Remind me never to read the comments at IMDB for a movie like this. Every comment, whether positive or negative, really made me sick.
I skipped out of work early yesterday to go see it. I am musing about it nonstop. I think what stood out to me was the imagery of reflection. Windows, elevator doors, camera lenses. Being in Japan where (as I understand it) "face" and the image you present to others are of tantamount importance. Reflecting what you think others want to see, the image that keeps you safe. Charlotte not having that yet, and Bob grown so weary of it. Singing songs that aren't your own, hating the art you create.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: B²
EMAIL: b@weirdsmobile.com
IP: 198.104.0.100
URL: http://www.weirdsmobile.com/b/
DATE: 10/01/2003 03:40:35 PM
Great insight, Hannah. In that context it's interesting that Charlotte's husband is a photographer. And Bob is in Japan not to act, but to pose for TV commercials and print ads -- he is being paid for his image alone.
I love the karaoke scene because that idea of image and artifice gets turned inside out. Charlotte pretending to sing flirtatiously to Bob, yet not pretending. Bob singing a song that (as you put it) is not his own, yet which speaks truly from his own heart. It's as if they can only relate to each other through artificial constructs of emotion. Then, later, trusting each other enough to drop the artifice and relate on a real level.
Or maybe I'm reading too much of my own issues into it? Because that's something I've been thinking about a lot lately -- trust and intimacy in an age of irony.
For Skattie.
